When I reflect on my view of the case and then in a moment the distressing thought of one so sinful on your part darts like a dagger into my offended spirit, I feel that I should not be surprised (although rest assured, I do not desire it,) at any vengeance God saw fit to shower down for such a dreadful intention upon Your Grace's head. Oh may His Holy Spirit convince you of the heinousness of the sin in question, leading you from darkness to light and from "the power of Satan" (under whose influence you so evidently at present are,) "unto God" in order that your transgressions may be blotted out in the Blood of the Lamb—and that consequently the present—and if I mistake not the greatest sin as far as thought may be concerned in God's sight, it being of so aggravated a nature arising from the consideration of the motives which first actuated me to address you and afterwards receive Your Grace—namely, your eternal happiness—may never be laid to your charge. In order that such may not be the case it will be necessary that you should experience that "Repentance unto life not to be repented of" which, if felt, would bring with it an unhesitating desire to apologize with remorse and anguish for the iniquity herein noticed and which can never be erased from my memory until you do, feeling it a respect due to myself and Religion. I deliver you on this second and last occasion,—for of course I here take a final leave of one I can never wish to behold again under present circumstances,—once more into His Hands who "is no respecter of persons," beseeching Him to grant you not only repentance but forgiveness. I subscribe myself by a title as far exceeding any Your Grace can possess as the Heavens do the earth and which I would neither exchange nor resign to become the Empress of a thousand worlds,
"After I had written this letter and was meditating, these precious words came 'FEAR NOT, for I am with thee, be not dismayed, for I am thy God, I will strengthen thee, I will help thee, yea, I will uphold thee with the Right Arm of My Righteousness'—and thus upheld who can faint? thus upheld who can despair? O my Heavenly Father, strengthen me in the 'inner man' more and more, I beseech Thee, to endure this and any other trial Thou in Thine unerring wisdom mayest see fit; anxious for nothing but to fulfil Thy will in all things, knowing that the path of duty is the path of peace: also that it is through 'much tribulation we must enter the Kingdom' that glorious Kingdom where 'the wicked cease from troubling and the weary are at rest.' Sharp as this trial is, I have to repeat my frequently acknowledged experience of finding my strength equal to my day—or in other words the fulfilment of this Scripture 'Thy strength is made perfect in weakness.'
"Tuesday, Jan. 13, 1835. Last night after experiencing and penning the feelings herein described, I retired to rest and slept sweetly and peacefully until about three o'clock—when I awoke with a disinclination to sleep again—consequently adverted in thought to my late distressing trials and whilst thus occupied felt assured what I had suggested must have been that to which the Duke alludes with such daring effrontery! I then rose, put on my dressing gown and wrote the language of my indignant soul as far as such could be painted! but a faint picture at best! Alas! that one so esteemed should give such cause to show his unworthiness. But it is doubtlessly permitted for some end which poor blind mortals cannot penetrate, therefore let me not murmur, but bless God who has thought me worthy whilst so unworthy to rank among that blessed number described by the angel to Saint John as having 'come out of much tribulation and washed their robes and made them white in the Blood of The Lamb.' This may stand as the greatest trial I ever had! Yet I am so wonderfully upheld, agreeably to the gracious promise previously given, that I can hardly believe such degrading circumstances exist! Oh! What an awful thing that one so high in power is afraid to do that which can call forth the gaze and disapprobation of a sinful, dying, misjudging world, yet fearless of committing the most dreadful crime before Him 'Who is of purer eyes than to behold iniquity.' O may the letter just about to be sent be permitted to sink deep into his rebellious soul calling it from darkness to light and from the power of Satan unto God. Then indeed we shall have cause to declare the goodness of God in thus permitting (however revolting and distressing,) late occurrences to take place! And since He can bring good out of evil, I submit all that has transpired to His gracious, condescending and unerring governance for this purpose, knowing that He can bring 'light out of darkness and make crooked things straight.' O I can never be sufficiently grateful for the powerful strength which so powerfully upholds me! and trust the same will be a means among His other innumerable, unmerited blessings of causing me to glorify His Holy Name with the best powers of my soul and body under whatever trials or sorrows may be yet in store for me! Oh may each and all tend to ripen me 'for an inheritance among the saints in light for Christ's sake!'
"Since the above was written I have indeed in a few hours had additional cause for gratitude and love to God, having received a letter from the Duke apologizing in every way I could expect, considering all circumstances, for occasioning my displeasure. Oh! how gracious is the Lord of Heaven and Earth thus to undertake for so unworthy a worm! for which I praise Thee, I bless Thee, I magnify Thee to Whom all power, majesty and dominion belong!"
The Duke's letter of apology is full of calm dignity, but one regrets that the accusation was not dismissed with a show, at least, of righteous indignation.
My dear Miss J.,—I beg your pardon if I have written a line or used an expression which could annoy you. Believe me; it is the thing of all others that I would wish to avoid! And that there is nobody more strongly impressed than I am with veneration for your Virtues, attainments and Sentiments!
This quarrel is of chief interest as indicating that Miss J.'s anxiety for the Duke's soul was not altogether disinterested. If it had been, her resentment at his gallantry would hardly have been expressed in this manner. It is evident that to her mind, the Duke had been trifling with her. His kindly reception of her efforts to promote his "everlasting welfare" had raised hopes that would have seemed absurd to any one of every-day common-sense. She asserts openly in several places in her Diary that she believed it was the will of God that she should become the wife of the Duke.
In this persuasion she was confirmed by her friend Mrs. L.; and to her and to Miss J. there was nothing unreasonable in the expectation. The latter considered herself no whit inferior to the Duke in any respect, as she takes pains to affirm. Instances of this may be given from her Diary. She says:—
"I was impressed throughout my correspondence with and knowledge of the Duke with a feeling that the end God had in view was my exaltation for His Glory, or in other words to show forth His power.... I attach so little importance to rank or worldly grandeur, that I should have considered I conferred as high an honor on the Duke in bestowing my hand as he would in receiving it, of which he was well aware!"
Miss J. judged herself to be actuated by no worldly motives in her desire for such promotion. She cleverly concealed the mundane nature of her aspirations even from herself. Throughout, her declaration is that her sole aim in life has invariably been, "Glorify Thyself in Me!" By her elevation to a position where she will be a centre of observation she hopes to influence those ungodly souls by whom she will be surrounded, and to imbue them with true piety. She writes:—
"I in my turn was permitted to love the Duke, but the honor and glory of God were ever my consideration. Consequently such affection of mine being of so opposite a nature to his own was principally displayed in my watchful solicitude for his everlasting welfare, concerning which I was firm and faithful throughout, believing God would convert him eventually, causing him to shine forth gloriously in His adorable service. As in that case the erroneous impressions in my mind would in all probability have been verified, I looked forward to becoming as 'a city set on a hill which cannot be hid,' conceiving such exaltation would admit of showing forth His praises openly before men. But I doubt not that I am far happier thus situated, enjoying a lively sense of His Divine, Adorable presence than I could possibly have had under the turmoil attending more exalted circumstances. As the poor Duke evidently did everything in his power to overcome the feelings referred to,