“Well, you’ve made enough to buy a car,” he noted.
“That’s my husband’s car.”
“So you’re married, too?”
He couldn’t conceal his surprise, and it took all she had to keep from laughing. Solovyov was always conceited. Did he really think that she would carry a torch for him to her dying day?
“And who’s the lucky man? Some ‘New Russian’ businessman, I’ll bet.”
“No. A Ph.D., a professor, prize winning academician, and so on. The whole thing. Plus a car.”
“A good deal,” he snorted. “Aren’t you worried about being a young widow, with such an elderly husband?”
“Not at all.”
She had followed his thinking. He was probably imagining that since her husband was so honored and so old, she, Nastya Kamenskaya, had decided to have an affair and wanted her old flame for the job. It was better than looking for a new lover. The old ones are tested, known, dependable. And so she had looked him up, having heard that he was widowed. But she hadn’t known that he was an invalid. And now he would definitely say something about it.
“You must be disappointed to find me like this.”
Right. There it was. He hadn’t changed at all in twelve years. She could still read his mind.
“I still don’t know what you’re like,” she replied softly. “We’ve only been chatting for a half hour. Shall I make some more coffee?”
“Don’t bother. Andrei will do it.”
Solovyov pushed a button on a small square box and footsteps came right away: the assistant was coming down from the second floor.
“You’ve become an aristocrat,” she joked. “You call on the help even to make coffee.”
He did not respond but stared at her. Once again she felt uncomfortable, as she had in those days, twelve years ago, when his eyes melted her. Could she really still have feelings for him? No, impossible. Couldn’t be. He had too much power over her then, when she was a twenty-three-year-old law school graduate. He could twist her into ropes then and use her as a floor mat. She put up with everything and forgave him everything because she was head over heels in love with him. Now she was different. She didn’t fall in love head over heels and she didn’t let anyone use her. Even those who were much stronger.
“Are you expecting guests?” she asked when Andrei brought coffee with fresh strudel and went back upstairs.
“A few people.” Solovyov nodded vaguely.
“At what time?”
“After five. Why do you ask?”
“If you don’t want your friends to see me here, tell me. I’ll leave early.”
“Nonsense. Why should I hide you?”
“I don’t know. Who knows what your situation is. Maybe your lady will be coming.”
“Relax, I’m expecting only men.”
“Well then, that makes me happy. That means my trip wasn’t in vain.”
She set her cup on the table, stood and came up behind him, putting her arm around his neck and pressing her cheek to his thick, wavy hair.
“Solovyov, you’re so stupid,” Nastya sighed. “Why haven’t you grown up in twelve years?”
She felt his muscles tense. Was he trying to hide the fact that her touch was unpleasant to him or was he fighting the desire to embrace her?
“Have you grown up?”
“That’s what I’m trying to find out. That’s why I came here today.”
“I’m missing something.”
His voice was tense, but his muscles had relaxed somewhat.
“I want to see if I’ve stopped reacting to you. You’ve bothered me all these years, Solovyov. I kept remembering how much I used to love you. And I want to know for certain that it’s over. Or not. One way or the other. It’s better to know the truth, even if I don’t like it, than to suffer through guesses and suppositions.”
“And what do you need this truth for?” He bent his head over so that his cheek rested on her hand. “How will it help?”
“It will help me understand whether I’ve grown out of that love or whether I’m still running around in training pants. I’m going to be thirty-six this year. A watershed year. I want to approach it with my life in order.”
Nastya did not know how much truth there was in what she was saying and how much was a lie. She had prepared the explanation ahead of time, because it fit her style and character and would not have surprised anyone who knew her well. But now as she spoke the words she had rehearsed in her mind, she began to believe them and she began to think that she really had come to her old lover for that. And not in order to solve the mystery of the disappearance of the olive-skinned, dark-haired boys. She liked the touch of his cheek on her hand, she liked the smell of his hair, she succumbed with pleasure to the warmth of his gaze. She liked being with this man, just as she had many years ago.
She heard quiet footsteps behind her and realized that Andrei had come downstairs. Without turning around, she leaned over Solovyov and gently kissed his lips.
“Excuse me,” Andrei said. “Should I set the table?”
Nastya slowly straightened and stretched deliciously.
“That’s a good idea, Solovyov. You have to feed guests. Even uninvited ones. Please forgive me, Andrei, but I won’t help you in the kitchen. I’m no cook. I’d better stay here with Volodya and enjoy his company, which I missed for so many years. You don’t mind, Solovyov?”
She sat back down on the couch and brought the cup of cold coffee to her lips.
“How’s your mother?” he asked.
“Flourishing. She was working in Sweden for a few years and now she’s back. Confess, Solovyov, you were secretly in love with her, weren’t you?”
He laughed, and his laughter was easy and joyful. He always enjoyed reminiscing about his graduate school days and his advisor, Nadezhda Kamenskaya, a woman as gifted in scholarship as she was beautiful and elegant.
“Right. All men from boy to geezer fell in love with her. But I adored her. And feared her terribly. By the way, Nastya, I’ve come across books where a certain Kamenskaya was listed as translator. Is that you?”
“Yes. Mother put so much effort into teaching me languages as a young child. I couldn’t let it go to waste. Fun for me, money for my wallet.”
Gradually they relaxed, the tension vanished, and during the meal they chatted as if there had been no long separation. Andrei’s face was inscrutable, as if their conversation had nothing to do with him. Nastya made a few clumsy attempts to draw him into the conversation, but the assistant politely responded briefly or not at all, going off to the stove or the refrigerator or the sink. When the door bell rang around 6.30 he seemed to sigh in relief.
Nastya regarded the new guests – the bosses of Sherkhan Books, with whom Solovyov worked so closely. They were typical “New Russians”, who had driven up in sparkling expensive foreign cars, who never put down their cellular phones, and who casually discussed loans in the millions, credit rates, and “corporate kickbacks”. She kept catching them watching her warily, even though all three tried very hard to pay no attention to her, speaking only with the birthday boy or his assistant and talking only about production and other topics that left her out. She quickly wearied of this demonstration of superiority. Under other circumstances she would have left long ago, but she was on duty. Therefore, emotions were set aside, no hurts or slights allowed, and ego hidden away. She needed this cottage estate, she needed this house. That meant she needed Solovyov, and she had to put up with however she was treated.
Trying not to make noise, she