William's face turned ashen white as Melissa eloquently described why Susan was such a worthy winner, placing great emphasis on her achievements and why she was so proud of Susan and her team. What's more, she had already brilliantly summarised the strengths of each shortlisted entrant. Not a single member of the audience could be in any doubt that Melissa cared about her nominees … she'd focused her speech entirely on them.
William, on the other hand, was about to do the opposite. Caught up in his own self-importance, he'd planned to share his personal success story to show the winner what they might expect as a result of their triumph. What on earth had he been thinking? How could he so foolishly have overlooked that the event was about recognizing the award nominees for their successes and achievements rather than his own rise to glory through the company? It was thinly veiled self-promotion at best, and he feared this could really backfire on him. He'd been so wrapped up with concerns about his own public image and how to use this precious opportunity to make an impression, that he'd quite forgotten himself and was behaving like a total idiot. Why did he think his story mattered anyway? Did he really crave recognition that desperately?
Beads of sweat formed on his temple and he wished he'd done more preparation, but it was too late for that now. He tried to reassure himself that as this wasn't the first speech he'd given, everything would surely be okay? Of course it would … he'd be fine and the words would flow naturally. His anxiety had grown a little during the extravagant dinner – the long wait until his scheduled slot had given him far too much time to dwell, and now, having heard Melissa, he was taking deep breaths to calm the tension building inside him. All he wanted was to get out there and get the whole thing over with.
As Eric, a Senior Vice President at Gant Foster and William's seemingly hard-to-please boss, was welcomed back on stage, William realized that the time had come for him to stand in front of 2000 people to present the award. What the hell was he going to do now? He hadn't researched any of the nominees and didn't have a clue what to say. He was resigned to thinking that nothing good could come of this, and that he was about to make a complete fool of himself. He'd well and truly blown it, his career and reputation were surely on the line.
Eric paused, looked up from behind the lectern, and in a clear and authoritative voice made his announcement: ‘Ladies and gentlemen, it's now time for the Rising Star Award, and to make the presentation would you please give a warm welcome to our Operations Director, William Cleverley!’
Applause filled the room as William rose from his seat. It was only a short distance to the stage, but he was amazed at the stream of destructive thoughts racing through his mind as he walked up the steps towards Eric. How on earth was he going to pull this off and salvage his dignity? Riding the feeling of anxiety in his chest, he took another deep breath to ease the palpitations. If only he could wake up and discover this was just a bad dream.
William shook Eric's hand and turned to face the expectant audience, but before he had a chance to lean forward towards the microphone, Eric squeezed in front of him and began speaking again. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, to me William is a role model employee and I had no hesitation in giving him the honour of presenting this award. As a former winner in this category you can be sure he knows exactly what it takes to succeed at Gant Foster. Please give him another big round of applause!’ William cringed. Eric's spontaneous address had put him so high on the company pedestal that he could surely only plummet from here. If he'd only known before why Eric had chosen him for this honour he'd have realized those reasons alone gave him the recognition he desired. He hardly needed to make some lofty speech to big himself up, Eric had more than adequately fluffed his peacock feathers, and ironically – for once he wished he hadn't.
A nervous smile flickered across William's face as he loosened his collar and reached for the gold envelope. The bright spotlights picked out the redness in his cheeks as he self-consciously wiped his clammy palms down the sides of each trouser leg.
‘Good evening, it's a wonderful privilege to be here,’ spluttered William, unconvincingly. He forced a smile, wishing he were invisible. His mind had frozen. Totally blank, he stared out at the expectant sea of faces as a flash of panic surged in his chest. Deliberately fixing his stare above the audience's heads, he waited for the words to come…but nothing came. He could feel his body starting to tremble. And then he spoke, just blurting out whatever words came and hoping for the best. ‘I know how hard you … that is the shortlisted finalists, err … must have worked to, err, get this far.’ William's mind seized up again.
‘Err, I'm certain there are some outstanding candidates,’ he blustered. All the names on the nomination list completely escaped him. He was totally lost for words. The audience fixed their gaze on him and at that precise moment William felt like he was lined up to face a 2000-strong firing squad. Eric could barely watch as William went from bad to worse.
How much more embarrassing could this get, wondered Eric? Why hasn't he rehearsed? Heck, how would it reflect on him now after his big introduction? ‘Just open the envelope,’ he snapped brusquely.
William nodded, quickly tearing at the thin paper to unveil the card within. ‘Please put your hands together for an excellent guy, Jason Goodman,’ he announced the winner, failing to hide the tremble in his voice. It was clear he'd blatantly overlooked what Jason had actually done to merit the award.
William stood dumbfounded on the front of the stage, frantically searching for the right words to say next. But his mind had deserted him, crashed. Nowhere to go. ‘F****ck!’ his whole being cried inside. And he just stood there, grinning inanely at the audience for what felt like an inordinately long time. He felt a rush of dizziness, his eyes glazed over and the whole room became a complete blur.
Eric assumed control and beckoned Jason over to give his acceptance speech. He was eager to make it as seamless as possible and save William any further embarrassment … he was, after all, a key member of his team. And he could always find out why things had gone so wrong later. William hurried off to the wings where his good friend Steve was waiting, his face wrought with concern.
‘What happened William?’ he asked, trying not to sound too overtly concerned. ‘That's not like you. Is everything okay?’
‘Not now thanks Steve,’ William retorted, raising his hand. ‘I need to be alone.’
Head down, William marched purposefully towards the toilets. He heard his name called out more than once, but he just ignored it and hurried on into the Gents, eager to avoid any interactions.
Standing over the washbasin, he wondered what he could possibly say to explain his behaviour. He threw more cold water over his face, wiped it dry and stood staring at his pitiful reflection in the mirror. He barely recognized the wretch that stared back at him, eyes full of fear and black bags ringing his eyes. ‘You complete and utter buffoon,’ he cursed, hammering the hand-dryer with his fist and wincing at the pain that flared in his knuckles.
William headed surreptitiously for the bar. Ordering a double whiskey, he raised the glass in his trembling hand and quickly downed the drink in one, signalling for the barman to pour him another. He felt a hand on his shoulder.
‘William,’ said Steve, as William turned to face him. ‘Are you okay buddy? What happened out there?’
William was still trembling. ‘I don't know Steve. I just lost it, I guess. I feel terrible for Jason, and furious with myself for letting Eric down like that. Not to mention making a total fool of myself! I've really messed up big time here Steve,’ William sighed. ‘I'm going home.’ He slugged back the second whiskey and slamming the glass down on the bar, he started to walk away.
‘Hey hey, not so fast.’ Steve placed a reassuring hand on William's shoulder. ‘Just wait here a moment, you're in no fit state to go anywhere just yet. Now just breathe. That's it. And again …’
After a few minutes, William appeared to be a little calmer. ‘Steve, I've been such an idiot. I've messed up good and proper this time … I don't know what happened back there. I feel like I'm losing the plot.’
‘It's okay,’ Steve assured him. ‘You're exhausted and completely stressed out! You've been pushing yourself too hard, for too