What would you do in that situation? Would you panic? Run away? Try to hit or kick the attacker, take away his weapons?
There were dozens of people standing in the street that day. Almost none of them made a move to help or interfere in any way. Some of them took pictures or shot video with their phones.
Loyau-Kennett stood up and faced the killer. “I didn't have any adrenalin at this moment,” she has said. “Instinctively, and through my scout training, I like to keep calm and be respectful.”
So she spoke calmly to him. She asked him questions – why had he done this? What did he want? Her goal was to keep this man talking, keep him from attacking anyone else. She could see there were children among the crowd watching the scene, and she thought, if he's going to attack anyone else, better me than one of these kids.
A True Hero
Loyau-Kennett may well have saved lives that day. But she doesn't believe that she did anything special. She thinks anybody could have done what she did.
I agree – anyone could have done that. But of course, most people wouldn't. Most people would be too afraid, too shocked, too angry, too something, to confront someone so obviously dangerous. Most people wouldn't have seen the path that Loyau-Kennett saw. Most people wouldn't have been able to imagine that asking a few simple questions could keep a situation like that from spiraling further out of control. But Loyau-Kennett was able to call on an inner reservoir of calm, and that calm energy allowed her to see a path nobody else could see.
In interviews, Loyau-Kennett has attributed her extraordinary heiki on that day to her Catholic faith.6 That faith helped her see beyond herself, beyond the physical danger she was in, and focus on engaging with the attacker. Her faith helped her to let go of her fear and allowed her to perform an act of great courage – without even thinking of it as something out of the ordinary.
Courage doesn't require religious faith. There are many ways to reach that state of calm energy. But I believe that Loyau-Kennett's faith was invaluable to her in that moment because it took her outside of herself. It gave her a perspective and a purpose that was greater than she was. And that is the nature of heiki – calm energy derives from letting go of attachment, letting go of fear, letting go of all feelings about the self. Exactly how you find your way to that state of detachment and calm doesn't matter – what matters is that you find that calm place and operate from within it. When you do, like Ingrid Loyau-Kennett, you will see a new way out of a difficult or even dangerous situation.
Calm Courage in the Everyday
Thankfully, most of us don't face down murderers every day. Most of us face more pedestrian challenges: a fight with a spouse, a negative review from a boss, a looming deadline at work. Summoning heiki can be just as useful in our daily lives as it is in a life-changing moment like the one Loyau-Kennett faced when she got off that number 53 bus. In fact, in some ways, finding equanimity can be even more difficult in a small moment than in a huge one. After all, when are you more likely to take a moment to clear your head before speaking – when you're facing a crisis, or when a colleague walks into your office to ask for an update on a project?
It's all too easy to get caught up in the wash of events in daily life. Most of us, most of the time, have “monkey mind” – we're constantly jumping from thought to thought, worry to worry. In today's world of constant interruptions, it's understandable – but it makes us likely to miss out on opportunities to change things or make real progress. When you approach a situation mired in your all-too-human emotions – stress, pain, fear, envy, excitement – you will only see that situation from your own perspective. You'll be thinking about how you need to defend your turf, justify your actions, get credit for your hard work, and so on.
When you approach a situation in a spirit of heiki, on the other hand, you'll see that situation from a kind of dispassionate bird's-eye view. You'll see more opportunities because you'll be thinking about everyone's needs and desires, not just your own.
I have a daily meditation practice that I will share with you very soon. And yet I still struggle to find equanimity in my daily life and work. Finding heiki in the midst of the bustle and business of everyday life is practice we must work at. And it's an incredibly powerful and beneficial practice. Heiki can become a knife that will cut through the toughest knots you're trying to untie in your personal or professional life.
A Moment When I Needed Heiki
A few years ago, I made a big change in my life, both personal and professional. I moved from the East Coast to the West, and I started to focus more of my energy on expanding my executive coaching, consulting, and speaking business. That meant that I had to start handing over the daily operation of my successful aikido academy to other people.
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