PEPEL. Old fellow! Hey there!
LUKA [looking from kitchen door] You call me?
PEPEL. Yes. Don’t sing!
LUKA [coming in] You don’t like it?
PEPEL. When people sing well I like it —
LUKA. In other words – I don’t sing well?
PEPEL. Evidently!
LUKA. Well, well – and I thought I sang well. That’s always the way: a man imagines there’s one thing he can do well, and suddenly he finds out that other people don’t think so.
PEPEL [laughs] That’s right.
BUBNOFF. First you say you feel dreary – and then you laugh!
PEPEL. None of your business, raven!
LUKA. Who do they say feels dreary?
PEPEL. I do.
[The Baron enters.]
LUKA. Well, well – out there in the kitchen there’s a girl reading and crying! That’s so! Her eyes are wet with tears.. I say to her: “What’s the matter, darling?” And she says: “It’s so sad!” “What’s so sad?” say I. “The book!” says she. – And that’s how people spend their time. Just because they’re bored.
THE BARON. She’s a fool!
PEPEL. Have you had tea, Baron?
THE BARON. Yes. Go on!
PEPEL. Well – want me to open a bottle?
THE BARON. Of course. Go on!
PEPEL. Drop on all fours, and bark like a dog!
THE BARON. Fool! What’s the matter with you? Are you drunk?
PEPEL. Go on – bark a little! It’ll amuse me. You’re an aristocrat. You didn’t even consider us human formerly, did you?
THE BARON. Go on!
PEPEL. Well – and now I am making you bark like a dog – and you will bark, won’t you?
THE BARON. All right. I will. You jackass! What pleasure can you derive from it since I myself know that I have sunk almost lower than you. You should have made me drop on all fours in the days when I was still above you.
BUBNOFF. That’s right.
LUKA. I say so, too!
BUBNOFF. What’s over, is over. Remain only trivialities. We know no class distinctions here. We’ve shed all pride and self-respect. Blood and bone – man – just plain man – that’s what we are!
LUKA. In other words, we’re all equal.. and you, friend, were you really a Baron?
THE BARON. Who are you? A ghost?
LUKA [laughing] I’ve seen counts and princes in my day – this is the first time I meet a baron – and one who’s decaying – at that!
PEPEL [laughing] Baron, I blush for you!
THE BARON. It’s time you knew better, Vassily.
LUKA. Hey-hey – I look at you, brothers – the life you’re leading.
BUBNOFF. Such a life! As soon as the sun rises, our voices rise, too – in quarrels!
THE BARON. We’ve all seen better days – yes! I used to wake up in the morning and drink my coffee in bed – coffee – with cream! Yes —
LUKA. And yet we’re all human beings. Pretend all you want to, put on all the airs you wish, but man you were born, and man you must die. And as I watch I see that the wiser people get, the busier they get – and though from bad to worse, they still strive to improve – stubbornly —
THE BARON. Who are you, old fellow? Where do you come from?
LUKA. I?
THE BARON. Are you a tramp?
LUKA. We’re all of us tramps – why – I’ve heard said that the very earth we walk on is nothing but a tramp in the universe.
THE BARON [severely] Perhaps. But have you a passport?
LUKA [after a short pause] And what are you – a police inspector?
PEPEL [delighted] You scored, old fellow! Well, Barosha, you got it this time!
BUBNOFF. Yes – our little aristocrat got his!
THE BARON [embarrassed] What’s the matter? I was only joking, old man. Why, brother, I haven’t a passport, either.
BUBNOFF. You lie!
THE BARON. Oh – well – I have some sort of papers – but they have no value —
LUKA. They’re papers just the same – and no papers are any good —
PEPEL. Baron – come on to the saloon with me —
THE BARON. I’m ready. Good-bye, old man – you old scamp —
LUKA. Maybe I am one, brother —
PEPEL [near doorway] Come on – come on!
[Leaves, Baron following him quickly.]
LUKA. Was he really once a Baron?
BUBNOFF. Who knows? A gentleman – ? Yes. That much he’s even now. Occasionally it sticks out. He never got rid of the habit.
LUKA. Nobility is like small-pox. A man may get over it – but it leaves marks.
BUBNOFF. He’s all right all the same – occasionally he kicks – as he did about your passport.
[Alyoshka comes in, slightly drunk, with a concertina in his hand, whistling.]
ALYOSHKA. Hey there, lodgers!
BUBNOFF. What are you yelling for?
ALYOSHKA. Excuse me – I beg your pardon! I’m a well-bred man —
BUBNOFF. On a spree again?
ALYOSHKA. Right you are! A moment ago Medyakin, the precinct captain, threw me out of the police station and said: “Look here – I don’t want as much as a smell of you to stay in the streets – d’you hear?” I’m a man of principles, and the boss croaks at me – and what’s a boss anyway – pah! – it’s all bosh – the boss is a drunkard. I don’t make any demands on life. I want nothing – that’s all. Offer me one ruble, offer me twenty – it doesn’t affect me. [Nastya comes from the kitchen] Offer me a million – I won’t take it! And to think that I, a respectable man, should be ordered about by a pal of mine – and he a drunkard! I won’t have it – I won’t!
[Nastya stands in the doorway, shaking her head at Alyoshka.]
LUKA [good-naturedly] Well, boy, you’re a bit confused —
BUBNOFF. Aren’t men fools!
ALYOSHKA [stretches out on the floor] Here, eat me up alive – and I don’t want anything. I’m a desperate man. Show me one better! Why am I worse than others? There! Medyakin said: “If you show yourself on the streets I smash your face!” And yet I shall go out – I’ll go – and stretch out in the middle of the street – let them choke me – I don’t want a thing!
NASTYA. Poor fellow – only a boy – and he’s already putting on such airs —
ALYOSHKA [kneeling before her] Lady! Mademoiselle! Parlez français – ? Prix courrant? I’m on a spree —
NASTYA [in a loud whisper] Vassilisa!
VASSILISA [opens door quickly; to Alyoshka] You here again?
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