Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes. Graham Harry

had on some clothes of mine;

      I can almost see them shrinking,

      Washed repeatedly in brine.

      I shall never cease regretting

      That I lent my hat to him,

      For I fear a thorough wetting

      Cannot well improve the brim.

      Oh! to know a shark is browsing,

      Boldly, blandly on my boots!

      Coldly, cruelly carousing

      On the choicest of my suits!

      Creatures I regard with loathing

      Who can calmly take their fill

      Of one's Jæger underclothing: —

      Down, my aching heart, be still!

      The Fond Father

      OF Baby I was very fond,

      She'd won her father's heart;

      So, when she fell into the pond,

      It gave me quite a start.

      Necessity

      LATE last night I slew my wife,

      Stretched her on the parquet flooring;

      I was loath to take her life,

      But I had to stop her snoring.

      Unselfishness

      ALL those who see my children say,

      "What sweet, what kind, what charming elves!"

      They are so thoughtful, too, for they

      Are always thinking of themselves.

      It must be ages since I ceased

      To wonder which I liked the least.

      Such is their generosity,