Ask him? Good-night.
Good-night. [He goes out. Lady Frederick goes to the French window that leads to the terrace and calls.] Gerald!
Hulloa!
Did you know that Captain Montgomerie was going to propose to me?
Yes.
Is there any reason why I should marry him?
Only that I owe him nine hundred pounds.
[Aghast.] Oh, why didn't you tell me?
You were so worried, I couldn't. Oh, I've been such a fool. I tried to make a coup for Rose's sake.
Is it a gambling debt?
Yes.
[Ironically.] What they call a debt of honour?
I must pay it the day after to-morrow without fail.
But that's the day my two bills fall due. And if you don't?
I shall have to send in my papers, and I shall lose Rosie. And then I shall blow out my silly brains.
But who is the man?
He's the son of Aaron Levitzki, the money-lender.
[Half-comic, half-aghast.] Oh lord!
THE SECOND ACT
The scene is the same as in Act I. Admiral Carlisle is sleeping in an armchair with a handkerchief over his face. Rose is sitting on a grandfather's chair, and Gerald is leaning over the back.
Isn't papa a perfectly adorable chaperon?
Perfectly.
I've started fifteen topics of conversation in the last quarter of an hour, Gerald.
[Smiling.] Have you?
You always agree with me, and there's an end of it. So I have to rack my brains again.
All you say is so very wise and sensible. Of course I agree.
I wonder if you'll think me sensible and wise in ten years.
I'm quite sure I shall.
Why, then, I'm afraid we shan't cultivate any great brilliancy of repartee.
Be good, sweet maid, and let who will be clever.
Oh, don't say that. When a man's in love, he at once makes a pedestal of the Ten Commandments and stands on the top of them with his arms akimbo. When a woman's in love she doesn't care two straws for Thou Shalt and Thou Shalt Not.
When a woman's in love she can put her heart on the slide of a microscope and examine how it beats. When a man's in love, what do you think he cares for science and philosophy and all the rest of it!
When a man's in love he can only write sonnets to the moon. When a woman's in love she can still cook his dinner and darn her own stockings.
I wish you wouldn't cap all my observations.
I'm beginning to think you're rather nice, you know.
That's reassuring, at all events.
But no one could accuse you of being a scintillating talker.
Have you ever watched the lovers in the Park sitting on the benches hour after hour without saying a word?
Why?
Because I've always thought that they must be bored to the verge of tears. Now I know they're only happy.
You're certainly my soldier, so I suppose I'm your nursery-maid.
You know, when I was at Trinity College, Dublin —
[Interrupting.] Were you there? I thought you went to Oxford.
No, why?
Only all my people go to Magdalen.
Yes.
And I've decided that if I ever have a son he shall go there too.
My darling, you know I hate to thwart you in any way, but I've quite made up my mind that my son shall go to Dublin as I did.
I'm awfully sorry, Gerald, but the boy must be educated like a gentleman.
There I quite agree, Rose, but first of all he's an Irishman, and it's right that he should be educated in Ireland.
Darling Gerald, a mother's love is naturally the safest guide in these things.
Dearest Rose, a father's wisdom is always the most reliable.
Pardon my interfering, but – aren't you just a little previous?
[Bursting out.] Did you ever hear such a conversation in your life between a young unmarried couple?
My dear papa, we must be prepared for everything.
In my youth young ladies did not refer to things of that sort.
Well, I don't suppose they're any the worse for having an elementary knowledge of natural history. Personally I doubt whether ignorance is quite the same thing as virtue, and I'm not quite sure that a girl makes a better wife because she's been brought up like a perfect fool.
I am old-fashioned, Lady Frederick; and my idea of a modest girl is that when certain topics are mentioned she should swoon. Swoon, madam, swoon. They always did it when I was a lad.
Well, father, I've often tried to faint when I wanted something that you wouldn't give me, and I've never been able to manage it. So I'm sure I couldn't swoon.
And with regard to this ridiculous discussion as to which University your son is to be sent, you seem to forget that I have the right to be consulted.
My dear Admiral, I don't see how it can possibly matter to you.
And before we go any further I should like you to know that the very day Rose was born I determined that her son should go to Cambridge.
My dear papa, I think Gerald and I are far and away the best judges of our son's welfare.
The boy must work, Rose. I will have no good-for-nothing as my grandson.
Exactly. And that is why I'm resolved