bed. In a moment you could already hear him snore. The potatoes were boiling. Hans threw in some sliced vegetables and onions. Thought for a second and then also added some noodles. He diced the smoked meat and put it in the boiling water. As soon as the soup was ready, Hans woke Rasmus up. They happily finished the soup and started packing for tomorrow’s school day. Both of them were quite exhausted, and neither of them was very chatty that evening. Rasmus’ head was aching and talking was too much for him. The second day drew to an end in the dorm. The boys got undressed and went to bed. “I wonder if the commandant will come for another round?” asked Rasmus. He could barely ask it when they already heard a cutting voice from the corridor. “Time to go to bed, everyone shut up now, lights out!” Boys giggled and started thinking their thoughts. The next day was pretty boring, as nothing special happened in school and on Friday evening everyone started getting ready to go home. Hans liked school, not because of studying, but because of just being there. Even though there was still a few hours, before the classes were over, some had already sneaked out, including his roommate. Hans sat on the edge of his bed and dwelled on what’s going to happen next. He had no desire to go back home, but he couldn’t stay here without the commandant’s permission either. Besides, he needed money for the next week. Hans was directed from a state farm, which meant, that he was given scholarship and after graduating, he had to go work there. The scholarship was sent to her mother, so he had to go back home either way. The bus departed in an hour, so there was no rush. Most students had left the dorm by now. There was absolute silence in the house. The boy packed his bag in silence and counted the money he had left. The bus ride cost sixty-nine kopecks in total; he put the money in a separate pocket. He also had some rubles left, but he decided to keep it a secret at home – going to need the money on weekends anyways. Hans took his backpack, threw a quick glance in the room, locked the door and made his way towards the bus station. When he got there, he still had half an hour left. He sat down on the wooden bench and stared at people while thinking his own thoughts. The sun was shining very brightly. Suddenly someone tapped on his shoulder. “Give me twenty kopecks, or I’ll kick your ass.” Hans got scared and looked up, to see, who’s threatening him like that. There was about a twenty-year-old teddy boy in front of him. “Screw you,” said Hans and stood up. “Oh boy, don’t bark at me,” said the bully and took a couple of steps back. “We’ll show you!” he shouted waving his fist and then disappeared behind the corner. Luckily the bus came, and Hans stepped in uneasily. In an hour, he was already home, eating fish soup and told his mother about the first school week. It didn’t happen very often when he and his mother could talk alone. He did some homework and then went away. Hans had to meet up with his friends. Usually, they gathered in abandoned storehouses on the weekends, which they had occupied and had even decorated one room for themselves. When they didn’t want to be at home, they could spend time over there. There was also an old ping-pong table, which needed some adjustment from time to time, so it wouldn’t collapse and also some tables and chairs. Sometimes they even had a bottle of liquor, which they would share with each other so that everyone could get a sip. After that, the older guys who had more money went to a bar. The rest, including Hans, stayed there and played some ping-pong. At midnight everyone left and Hans went back home as well. The sneaked up the stairs and tried to open the door. Locked. “Fuck,” he cursed and went back outside. It was totally dark outside, and there was nowhere to go. He gave it a thought for a couple of minutes and made his way through the garden. Behind the apple trees, there was a shed which belonged to them. As far as he was aware, there should be some old bags and a couple of blankets. He opened the shed door like a thief and entered the damp room. Hans took the matches out of his pocket and lit one. As he had thought, there were some potato bags in the corner, filled with cloth. He lied them all down, lit another match, and found a smelly horse blanket, which he had to use. His eyes started to get used to the darkness, and he looked around. The shed was half filled with logs, and on a wall, he could also see a broken bicycle. There were empty baskets and buckets hanging on the wall. The smell of rottenness and mould was awful. Hans cried because he was still a child and didn’t know what more to do in that situation. Eventually, he got tired of crying and fell asleep. He woke up very early in the morning, because of the cold and he couldn’t sleep anymore. After brushing the dust off his clothes, he sneaked out of the shed. He felt terrible, as his clothes were smelling and he was itchy. It was still quite dark outside, and he had no idea, what the time was. He had taken the watch off his wrist when he got home and had forgotten it on the bookshelf. The light was shining through the kitchen window. The boy went to the staircase and touched the doorknob cautiously; it was open. At the same moment, he opened the door; his mother started yelling: “Where do you think you’re coming? All you do is fool around.” Hans tried to explain that some smartass had messed with the door and had to sleep in the woodshed this time. His stepdad, who heard the loud shouting came out from the other room. This hair-loosing stinkbug made clear that the door must be locked during the night and brats like him who can’t be in time should be outside that late. The mother followed up like it was a practised sentence “This fooling around must come to an end.” Hans already knew that the step-dad was the one who closed the door. This had happened before. He was angry at his mother because she justified what his step-dad had done. Hans went back to the room he shared with his step-siblings with raging anger inside. He took some of his belongings out of the cupboard and put them in the bag. Changed the dirty clothes and took a few bigger banknotes out of his secret stash. He counted the money he had earned during the summer and put it in his pocket. He decided to go to the capital. Maybe he can spend this night at his dad’s place. On Sunday he’ll be able to go to the dorm early in the morning, and that should do it until Friday, he thought. Hans put on his jacket and left without saying a word. When he went out on the street, he heard how the kitchen window opened, and he heard his name being shouted. The boy didn’t bother listening and stepped on the highway. He understood, how much strength all of that took him, but he stayed firm. The bus station was nearby, but he decided to walk to the next stop. He knew that he had to wait many hours for a bus to come. The buses drove by only about three or four times a day. The weather was exceptionally abominable, it was pouring rain and the wind was blowing hard. The boy had taken a half empty pack of cigarettes Ekstra and he took one. He didn’t care about the chance of getting caught and then being told to his parents. By the time the bus came, he had smoked at least five or six cigarettes. Hans was so glad, when he heard the light buzz of the bus’ motor in the distance. It was cold and his clothes were wet. He entered the bus and bought a ticket. Then sat down and just stared at his wet feed. Thoughts of worry started gathering in his head. What if they’re not home? He couldn’t call from anywhere and in fact, he didn’t even know the number. yes, he could have found the number from the phone book, but he didn’t have it anywhere. No matter what happens, I’ll be alright, he thought to himself. There were many miles to go. Finally, the warmth did its job, and he was feeling better. When Hans opened his eyes, he was already at the bus station in Tallinn.
4 Excitement took over his body, and he was also a bit scared of the unawareness. The boy only remembered the approximate way to his dad’s apartment. From the bus station, it was only a twenty minutes walk. Thanks to his excellent memory, he had memorised the way, since the last time his father sent him on the bus. He followed the street signs and repeated the address in his head. When finally arriving at the right street, he was jubilant and started to look for the right house. Within minutes, he had found the right house, and he rang the doorbell. Tirrrrrrr-tirrrrrr ringed the door bell from the inside, but nothing else was to be heard. The rang the bell a few times more hopelessly and got off the stairs. The wind was blowing, and he moved away from the house. Maybe they went to visit someone, the boy thought and decided to come back later. He was soo hungry that his stomach was aching. Hans went back to the bus station because at least it was warm there and it had a place, where you could buy food. It got quickly darker and darker outside, so the boy quickened his pace, as the unfamiliar town scared him as well. There was dead silence in the bus station. It was nine o’clock in the evening, and there were only a few buses left, ready to depart. He went to a nearby booth, where the shopkeeper was swinging her hips to a song and sang along, while cleaning the tables. He didn’t even notice Hans, even though he had been standing there for a couple of minutes. Most of the food had already been put away. Only a few dry sandwiches and odd looking salads were left, where you could see a life of its own already. Hans finally decided to man up and asked, whether he could have something to eat.
