"I say, Dicky," he panted, "just missed another infernal express! Plenty more trains, but I had a great inspiration strike me that I'd let you put me up for the night. Hat, Jenkins! Now, don't say a word, Dicky, old chap. Cane, Jenkins! Great pleasure, assure you – won't inconvenience me at all. Gloves, Jenkins! Just give me something to sleep in, and I'll be as comfortable here as I would be at the club – so don't worry any about me, old chap. By the way, want to thank you for taking care of the kid. Got home all right, I understand."
He plunked like a jolly elephant into the largest and most comfortable chair in the room and wheezed for breath.
"And, Jenkins!" He raised one fat finger while he took a gasp. "Don't mind if I do have a package of Dicky's Koroskos and a sloe fizz – not too sweet, you know; and you may – "
He halted, his eyes suddenly riveted to the table, and straightened inquiringly, his big hands poised upon the padded arms of the chair.
"Suffering Thomas cats! What's that?" he exclaimed. "The scream there – flag of Morocco?"
And then, without pausing for reply, he dashed on:
"I say, old chap, if you're picking up those, I can get you a few for nothing. You know Higgins, cashier-that-was of the Widows' National, eh? Well, Higgins sent the governor a Morocco flag the other day from Tangier. Fact is, he sent one to every director of the bank – and an extra large one to that bank examiner!"
He chuckled wabblingly, like a jolly jellyfish.
"Talk about a red flag to a bull," he exploded, "why, they – "
Billings broke off suddenly. Then he climbed heavily to his feet, and without warning, heaved himself across the room and seized the button I had just uncovered. Dashed if he didn't almost upset me.
"Here, I say!" I protested. "Don't lose that cap." I picked it up from where he had jerked it to the floor. "It's the cover to hide that glass, you know."
"Wh-a-a-t!"
Billings swung round, staring at me with the most curious expression.
"See here, Dicky," he exclaimed rather excitedly, but in a low tone, as he cut a side glance at Jenkins siphoning the fizz over at the cellarette. "What in thunder have you been doing now?"
By Jove, I turned cold for a minute, I was that startled. I thought he was going to use the pajamas as an introduction for reference to last night. But in a minute I saw that he did not mean that.
"Where on earth did you get anything like this?" And he held up the button and the garment.
"Oh, I say now!" I remonstrated, alarm changing to a mild dudgeon. Billings' devilish rude manners are so offensive at times. "What do you mean? It's a present from a friend in China."
"Present!" Billings' eyes bulged queerly. He stooped toward me, whispering: "Did he know what this button was?"
"Why, of course he didn't," I answered indignantly. "Never dreamed of it, of course. I tell you, it was all nicely covered, was what-you-call-it – upholstered, you know – with devilish nice silk. I cut it off accidentally, trying to force the thing through that loop. That left the marble exposed."
Billings took the glass mechanically from the tray tendered by Jenkins and sipped it slowly, eying me curiously over the top. Then he set it back, very deliberately, wiped his mouth with the bit of napery, and without taking his glance from me, waited until Jenkins had left the room. Whereupon, after another searching look at the button, he dropped it with the garment upon the table, and with hands jammed deep in his pockets, faced me with a long-drawn whistle.
"Well, I'll be hanged!" he exclaimed. Just a coarse, vulgar outburst, you know – no sense to it; no point at all, you know – that's Billings.
He caught up the coat again. "And these others – four of them – are they just the same?" he demanded sharply.
"Dash it, how should I know? I suppose so," I answered indifferently. And I closed my eyes and leaned back, feeling a bit – just a bit – weary. Somehow, Billings is always so exhausting when he gets started on something.
"Oh, cut it out, old chap," I protested, drowsy-like.
"I will," I heard him say. Then I guess I must have dropped off a bit, for the next thing I knew he was shaking me.
"Dicky! Dicky! Say, look here! Look, I tell you!"
I did look, and – well, I was jolly vexed, that's all.
"Oh, I say now!" I spoke severely – just that way, you know. I went on, remonstrating: "Devilish silly joke, if you ask me. You've gone and ruined the thing, Billings! Flashy buttons like that, you know – too tawdry, too cheap."
"Cheap!" He almost shouted it. Then he leaned over the back of the leather chair and pounded his fat head against the cushions, writhing his big bulk from side to side.
"Quite impossible," I said firmly. "Not en règle at all, you know!" And I fixed my glass and stared gloomily at the things. The five shiny buttons just lay there against the delicate silk like so many fiery crimson cherries. And they reminded me of something – something – what the deuce was it? Something devilish familiar, whatever it was. And then of a sudden I had it!
"By Jove, you know!" And I just fell back in consternation. "This is awful! I'd look like a – er – dashed human cocktail. Oh, I say!"
Then Billings, who was already gasping like a jolly what's-its-name, dropped upon the arm of the chair and held his side.
"Dicky, you – you'll be the death of me yet," he panted.
I never try to follow Billings. Nobody ever does. So I paid no attention to him. Shaking his head, he lifted the garment again and held it out of the direct rays of the shaded lamp. The five buttons leaped out of the shadow like port lights down the bay on a moonless night.
He leered at me, chuckling. "Look cheap to you, eh? What you might call outré, so to speak?"
"By Jove, of course," I answered ruefully. "I can't sleep in the things now, you know. What would people say?"
Billings stared at me disagreeably a moment and said something under his breath. Then he caught up the buttons and the silk, and crushing them in his hands, buried his face in the mass.
"Oh you beauties, you darlings!" I heard him murmur.
Then he looked at the buttons again, and dash it, he kissed one. Maudlin – jolly maudlin, I say, if you ask me!
"I say, Dicky," he said carelessly. "You may not care for them, but I've taken rather a shine to these buttons. Mind letting me have one, eh?"
He flashed a quick glance at me and then away.
"Mind? Why, certainly not; take 'em all, old chap, and welcome." Yet I responded gloomily enough, scarcely polite, you know. And I felt too jolly prostrated to be curious as to what he could possibly want with the things. Waistcoat buttons, likely – Billings was given to loud dress and other bounder stunts. But he just sat there looking down after I spoke, and presently stole a queer glance at me.
"Dicky," he said, and paused. Then he fished out that perfectly impossible pipe of his and began to pack it, slowly shaking his head. "Dicky, anybody that would take advantage of you would lift a baby's milk gurgler."
Of course, I saw no more sense in that than you do, you know, but I understood that in his crude, vulgar way he meant some sort of a compliment.
"Dash it, of course," I said offhand, straightening up and recrossing my legs. I always say that and do that way when fellows say stupid things. Such a jolly good way to keep from hurting their feelings, you know, and saves talking and thinking. Got on to it myself.
Billings' eye ranged at me as he lighted his pipe. The smoke seemed to make him cough, and it was this, I suppose, that set him chuckling.
He suddenly held up the row of red buttons again.
"Look here, you blessed dodo," he exclaimed brusquely. "Have you really no idea what these are, these glass buttons you are yapping about? Of course you haven't, you jolly chowder head, but