"That you're an insufferable coxcomb, but the inventory is tolerably correct."
"Don't imagine that I consider the items of much value. None but inexperienced boys think that mere good looks are a passport to the heart of any woman that's worth having. We love beauty exclusively; but there is not a woman with an ounce of truth in herself that will not be instinctively attracted to a manly straightforward fellow, be he ever so plain; and, if he show her devotion, give him her whole heart as readily as if he was Apollo and Adonis all in one!"
"Hum," said Burton, "perhaps so; but to business. How do you intend to proceed?"
"First, to discover cab 756, and, from its interesting charioteer, learn at what hotel the objects of my search put up; there they will know their names."
"Suppose they were at a private house with friends."
"Pshaw! Suppose they had lodgings in the moon! Did I not tell you the young lady expressly said they were perfect strangers?"
"That might be façon."
"Burton! Another objection and you may look out for squalls! It is my only plan, so be silent."
"When do you set out upon the search?"
"This morning, while the memory of Jehu may be fresh; the moment parade is over."
"Shall we hunt in couples?"
"No, my dear fellow; in such a pursuit you would founder at the first fence."
"I confess my heart and soul are not in the business, so I might be an obstacle; besides – but there's the trumpet; adieu! May success attend you, and the spirit of a thousand detectives inspire you."
Parade over, I hastened to doff my uniform, and with a delightful sensation of excitement, which I never imagined I could experience in the depressed atmosphere of Carrington, I sallied forth on my quest, with a spirit of perseverance, which, if there be any truth in ancient proverbs, augured well for the accomplishment of my object. As usual in that horrid locality, the weather was "dimmed dimp and disagreeable," as Mantilini says, and not more than three or four cabs on the first stands I passed; none of these sported the magic figures; while the innumerable ones which were in motion, seemed by some perverse and unaccustomed freak to drive with such unprecedented rapidity, that though keen of sight, I could not distinguish their numbers. After perambulating the town in all its intricacies, visiting every cab stand extant, within its compass, standing numerous charges from the vehicles themselves, and a terrific amount of slang, with the steadiness of the 42nd at Waterloo, I found myself towards five o'clock much in the same position as at starting. What! if my beautiful unknown should really have vanished from my sight for ever; and No. 756, a modernised edition of Cinderella's magic coach, be disenchanted into its original form of a vegetable marrow, the nearest approach, I believe, we have to a pumpkin! And Burton too! – he must be put down! Here a very dissipated looking cab crawled slowly by, drawn by a groggy horse, his bones showing in sharp angles through the oil cloth thrown over his back with a mockery of care, and driven by a small man with a face like a crumpled crab apple, and a hat in a galloping consumption. 755, "Come," I thought, "that's within one of my number; 755 ought to know something about 756." I elevated my cane. "Here you are, sir," the door was opened. "Stop," said I, "you look intelligent," for an immense amount of knowingness twinkled or rather floated in his watery red eyes, "and will perhaps assist me in a search I am making. Can you tell me where I shall find cab number 756? I have been looking on the cab stands all day, and about the streets and cannot see it any where; every other number almost have I seen, but 756 is invisible."
"756," said Jehu reflectively, and gazing sharply at me, "knows no such number, no such cab; cos why, sir, 756 was done for four months ago, and has he was unfort'nate, no one liked to take the cab – so its hoff the stans!"
Good Heavens! then was it a phantom conveyance? In deep disappointment I stepped in, saying "to the cavalry barracks." Instead of clapping the door with the usual jerk, the crumpled driver stood there, his face going through a perfect series of expressive wrinklings; at last, with an effort and a knock of his forefinger against the brim of his decaying hat, "P'raps you're a hofficer, a sojer officer, sir?"
"Yes," said I, rather surprised, "my regiment is quartered here."
"Ho! very good, sir! I thought as you were a detective hofficer, sir; no offence, sir?"
"Certainly not," said I, highly flattered at the mistake, "but why?"
"Cos, sir, you wanted so hard to get 756? I thinks he 'as summat against him, only you asked questions too straight forrard like; I know nothink about 756, we don't know much of each other, 'less we're on the same stan'; only of course, if you was a detective, I wouldn't peach."
"I assure you," said I, "I only wanted some information from 756, for which I would have rewarded him, and if you will help me – "
"I know, sir! Why you see if you've been a looking for him all day and asked on all the stans – "
"I did," said I.
"And could hear nothink, he'll not be on the drive, a good many numbers b'long to the 'otels, sir."
A glorious idea by Jove! of course they were at an Hotel! "You shall drive me round to them all," said I, "till we find him."
"And if that won't do," said my inimitable mentor, "You can summons him, the police will soon get him."
He slammed the door with a triumphant wink that beggars description, and off we went at a wonderful pace.
Many were the hostelries we visited, but in vain, Red, Blue, and White Lions, Hen and Chickens, Boars, Bears, Bulls, and even Nag's Heads; the entire animal creation, ignored the existence of "756."
"Least ways, sir," said my invaluable assistant, between whom and myself, a great degree of confidence had sprung up, as he prepared for the fiftieth time to mount the box. "Least ways, sir, we've done our best; you've been to all the 'otels as is good enough to keep cabs 'cept two, the 'Cat and Garters,' that's a poor 'un, and the 'Hangel' that's nearly as good as the 'Adelphi.'"
"To the Angel first then."
Arrived there, I went into the bar, and in the politest manner, asked its presiding goddess, if "756" was enrolled amongst the cabs of the establishment. "Can't say, sir; here, 'Enry," – the waiter came forward – "756 – sir! yes sir!" said the man unmovedly, little imagining the delight with which I heard his reply. I looked at my watch, seven o'clock, "let me have dinner in a private room," said I, and after fully satisfying my most admirable Jehu, I returned to the charge within.
"This way, sir," said the waiter, with a waive of the hand – I followed.
"Light a fire, it is very damp."
"Yes, sir."
In a few moments, a rosy cheeked chambermaid came in with a coal box and et ceteras, for a fire. This was what I wanted, – I drew a chair near, and after some observations on the weather, passed on to the probable numbers putting up at the house for last night's ball. "Lots of pretty girls from the country," I concluded.
"Yes, sir, we are still very full, though a good many left this morning."
"Indeed! I danced with a young lady last night, who was staying here, but I cannot remember her name, I want very much to find it out, – do you think if I were to describe her to you, you could tell me?"
"P'raps I might, sir; though often we don't know the names of the people who stop here occasionally."
"Well, this young lady was tall, and very fair, with brown hair, and a very pleasant smile."
"I scarcely think I know any particular young lady like that, sir; there's Miss Jones, and Miss Mary Peters, and Miss Majoribanks, Squire Majoribanks' daughter, all just like that, sir."
Confound it, my description would have suited three-fifths of the young ladies of great Britain.
"Yes, yes, but the lady I mean was with an old fattish