Body language in Flirt & Romance. Julia Brook

in love makes us experience the most powerful emotions known to man.

      But what is love? Is it an existing reality or just a part of our imagination? Do we love a person as they truly are or just the delusional idea we have of who we think that person is or could be?

      From a biological standpoint, love is a very real physiological process where dopamine and serotonin, which are released in our bodies, make strong reactions in our brain and body in general.

      Falling in love is for us a condition that makes in us 'a quantum addiction,' and something that we do not have control over. Even though we cannot define love in a precise manner, we always surely know when it starts. This begins with our birth.

      The first and most fundamental experience of love is experienced between a newborn and a mother. The mother touches, hugs, kisses, and fondles the baby in different ways starting from the moment of birth. She speaks with the baby in a soft, calm and melodical way by using 'baby language'. The mother and child will look at each other with enthusiasm. They mimic each other's facial expressions and synchronise movements, creating a strong physical and mentalemotional bond between them.

      The behavioural expressions used between a mother and a child are in their nature similar to the expressions that we use in our intimate relationships, with the person we love.

      Our childlike playful behaviours – sitting on someone’s lap, cuddling, rubbing noses, fondling, holding hands and other similar activities – all are derived from childhood and have been transferred to our intimate relationships.

      When infants grow up, they express their love and affection in the same ways as they experienced it with their mother during their childhood.

      What does it mean to truly love someone? And why do we need love in our lives? When loving someone we wish to know them, take care of them, respect them, share their values, accept their shortcomings and evolve with them. Quite a lot of voluntary obligations and commitment, don't you think?

      Why does the universe give us the possibility to love and the ability to experience that we are loved? There are many reasons, but the main reason is to survive and produce offspring. We also need partners to socialise and to confirm our existence. There are surely lots of different 'reasons' to love someone. We are after all very different from each other. Each one of us has different needs and a different background.

      Just so you know, only 2-3 percent of people who use online dating sites are looking for a one night stand. Most of us are looking for a life partner.

      Falling in love…

      Affection and intimacy are human needs, and wonderful examples of human interaction. These experiences arise in us from interaction with our beloved. And let's not forget the feeling of butterflies in our stomach when we feel new love, the lightness in our body, and the anticipation which holds us when we are waiting for a meeting with our beloved one. The more you interact with a loved one, the more it becomes a dependency on each other.

      Brain scientists claim that the average person processes around 50,000 different thoughts during a day. Of these thoughts only 2500 are consciously identified.

      We are the most aware of our thoughts when we have fallen in love. This is because our thoughts are constantly revolving around the person we have fallen in love with. We recall how they looked at us, what they said, how they behaved, etc. Isn't that wonderful?

      Each of these thoughts makes us more dependent on their personality and the feelings which they triggered in us.

      The symptoms of romantic love are similar to the symptoms of many common psychiatrical diseases like:

      • Mania – which leads to heightened excitement levels, lower self-esteem and a wish to give presents, irrationally commit, etc.

      • Symptoms involved with depression – like insomnia, increased sadness, difficulties in concentration, loss of appetite, etc.

      • Obsessive thoughts analogous to those associated with addictive disorders (revolving around the target of affection), a need for control (has s/he called or texted?), and rituals concerned with hygiene (am I clean enough and good looking for this person?).

      Heavenly pleasure, manic addiction, pain and suffering – only being in love can give us the whole palette of feelings and experiences! What would life be without the roller-coaster ride of romantic love?

      Looking for a potential partner…

      It is often wrongfully thought that it is the man who chooses the partner. The reality is different. Just as in the wild, it is the female who communicates mating signals and males react to them. Ninety percent of all signals concerning finding a partner are given by women.

      Nature has provided us with a wonderful attention span for noticing every representative of the opposite sex, whether we want to do that deliberately or not.

      All men and women notice when a person from the opposite sex enters the room. Our eyes quickly scan the person, assessing the entrant.

      This scanning is done quicker by women than men, and this is also why men so often more readily 'get caught' looking at an attractive woman. Women carry out their own review, only faster and in a far more subtle way.

      While men are more oriented toward a woman's looks during the initial meeting, women make an assessment of how well a man is capable of protecting offspring. This means that women are more oriented toward the man’s social position and power. But remember, exceptions are the rule.

      Clothing is one of those silent signals that influence our visual sense. Bright, contrasted clothing attracts more attention than clothing with more modest colours.

      Our sense of sight perceives bright colours as more exciting and intriguing. These colours make us feel stronger emotions, while darker tones keep our feelings more restrained.

      Research has shown that women who wear red clothing are more likely to be looking for a sexual partner. At the same time, men also feel that women who wear red are more attractive and more likely to be interested in sex than women who wear other colours.

      This of course does not mean that all women who wear red are 'on the prowl'. But it does seem that courageous, active and attention seeking women tend to wear red.

      The colour red, especially in sultry overtones, is the most attention grabbing of all the colours. Red always sticks out and who can deny its passionate undertone.