I looked at him carefully, frozen in my thoughts.
«You’ll be fine,» he said, taking a chair. – I promise you.» I looked at your pictures, MRI of the brain, and believe me, youе will be fine, just need a small operation and subsequent rehabilitation.
I nodded politely and tried to smile, even though I couldn’t really feel the left side of my face.
Then he came back a few more times a day, and we talked to him. He gave me comforting speeches to prepare me for surgery. I had to pass all the necessary tests. The next day, one of the nurses came up to me and handed me a fountain pen, asked me to sign the documents, and then very sharply confused. I didn’t understand why at first, but I suddenly remembered that I couldn’t sign anything with my right hand when she held the fountain pen up to me. I had to sign it with my left hand.
– This is consent for surgery, I’ll leave it to you to read, and then you can talk to your doctor.»
I nodded, even though I wasn’t going to read it. I didn’t really care what I signed, what difference did it make? After all, even if the operation had ended very badly, there was still no one to mourn me.
***
On the day of the operation, I wasn’t worried at all. I even wished they would give me anesthesia as soon as possible and I would step away from reality. I didn’t see Arnold. I was given anesthesia. I was told that the operation would last about an hour, but this hourшpassed for me in one second, in which I did not fill out anything, as if I had closed and then opened my eyes. I felt a burning sensation in my temples and a strong dizziness. Arnold came to my room after the operation and took my hand, telling me that everythingе had gone perfectly, and now I needed to get some sleep to recover faster. When Arnold left, the nurse who was putting me on an IV said that I was very lucky that Arnold Thorne-Connor himself had performed the operation on me. She spoke of him breathlessly. However, I did not attach much importance to this information, because for me at that time it was much more important toе fall asleep as soon as possible, so that I could think as little as possible about who I am now and what awaits me next.
Rehabilitation was painful, I had a very difficult time leaving. And allthe time Arnold was with me, and he supported me, saying that everything would be all right soon. The only doubt he had was my right hand, which barely moved. I didn’t want to talk about my past life with anyone, not even myself. So when Arnold came in and asked me, if I was ready to look at myself in the mirror, I said yes. I didn’t understand why they were so careful to protect me from mirrors, because I really didn’t care. е I’ve already lost my arm, what does it matter what I look like if I can’t go on stage, which was everything to me.
When I agreed, Arnold came up to me and led the way.
«Come with me,» he said, and I could hear the confident firmness in his voice.
I didn’t resist. We were walking through the hospital corridors, or rather, we weren’t even walking, and he was leading me, not because it was hard to walk, butbecause что I was being led. It was like I wasn’t there, it was all a blur.
He led me into the great hall. He led me to the wall, where there was a huge floor-to-ceiling mirror. I saw myself all at once, it was unexpected. I looked down in surprise at my head, which was sprouting funny hair sticking out in all directions.
«It’s fun,» I said. «If the hand was moving, it would be completely normal,» I added with a grin.
I wasn’t really afraid of my reflection in the mirror, even though it was pathetic. It was obvious how much I had changed, because the last time I could remember myself in a stage dress-healthy and young. I would have burst into tears if I wanted to have feelings. But I didn’t want to. I just looked at myself as a different person. My face was thin and pale, it was very haggard, revealing facial wrinkles that I hadn’t noticed before, my thin hands were even thinner, but the scars were not visible. Only a light bandage on his head showed that there was an operation.
– So, are you ready to start a new life?“ – What is it? „he asked cheerfully.
And for some reason I answered:
«Yes, I’m ready.»
Хотя, на самом деле, It didn’t really matter, though.
The second chapter
Arnold took care of me as best he could when rehab was taking all my strength. Many specialists worked with me, but they hardly talked to me, did not ask me how I felt. I didn’t have any friends here, although I knew for a fact that there were other patients here besides me, sometimes I saw them from the window, which was covered with bars, again, for my safety. They explained to me that all the patients here are heavy, so they are divided into blocks and isolated from each other. The only person who talked to me was Arnold. At some point, I realized that I was waiting for him to come, because the isolation was clearly not good for me.
Now, that I look back on my condition, I can say that I acted as if under hypnosis. I find it strange to remember Arnold coming into my room and asking me what I was going to do next. He was referring to my future. I didn’t know what to say to him, so I justнlooked at him blankly. Then he said:
– Why don’t you move in with me?»
«To you?» I asked, not even realizing he’d already switched to «you».»
In fact, I would have agreed to anything in my current state.
«Okay,» I said, not even asking where he was suggesting I move to or what I would do there.
For me, once a freedom-loving woman, this behavior was uncharacteristic, but I did not think about it. For some reason, my head was empty, and if I had any thoughts, they were more about music, because more and more often the song I wanted to record was playing in my head. I, didn,’t know why, though, because no one else would hear her anyway,.
***
I didn’t sleep well at night, so I would periodically open my eyes and look at the time. And on my laptop, the time digits were flashingсь, these strange time digits. It was brought to me by a nurse, it had a schedule of my classes and computer games, there was no Internet access. Most often, I looked at the time on my laptop. With eachм glance at the laptop, time matured in numbers, and then everything was reset to zero and started again, running in circles. Days, weeks, and months. One night, on the fifth of August, when I looked at the time and saw 1:45, Arnold came to see me.
I was very surprised, because he never came toо see me at such a late hour.
«Come to the restaurant with me,» he said, as simply as if it were a normal thing to do.
«To a restaurant?» I asked, surprised.
«Yes,» he said.
«No, I’m not ready,» I said warily.
– This is a private restaurant, and no one will be there but you and me. It belongs to me and my friend Harry, and we’ve known each other since college.
When he talked about his student days, an incredible sense of nostalgia seized me, and I wanted to see the lights of Moscow. I wanted to find out how things were going in the wild again. So I agreed.
***
After I agreed, I realized that I had nothing to wear, literally nothing to wear. All I have is the dress I was wearing when I was in an accident, which I would never wear again in my life, and the rest – of it is hospital clothes. I с looked at Arnold in disbelief. He smiled, as if he knew what I was thinking.
– I have a surprise for you, «he said, taking my hand. – let’s go.
We