Family and community traditions with strong community bonds provided protection against extreme hardship brought about by wars, famines, and unspeakable suffering. Until the 20th century, Russian peasants, who made up 80 percent of the population, lived mainly in «communities.» They had common possession of the land and made all their decisions together. They had common responsibilities, including paying their state taxes and growing their food together. They cared for each other as family and community during hardship, sharing food and necessities to survive. They were great communalists. And this tradition created interdependence, promoting feelings of friendship, trust, and goodwill.
The Soviet educational system promoted the communist ideology through two organizations that all children were obliged to join: October Child (ages seven to nine) and Pioneers (ages 10 to 14). The rules of the organizations encouraged kindness and compassion as critical Soviet values. The essence of the children’s organizations was to prepare children for their future life and to give them an understanding that a person’s main task on earth is to be kind to other people – so, assistance, help, trust, friendship, and goodwill should be the very center of life. Children were encouraged to do good things.
It was only after living here that I began to appreciate how this culture of «we» can make such a profound impact on the lives not only of people, but also on nations. The «I» culture in the United States and the West is more individualistic, materialistic, and competitive. It’s a striking difference. I began to observe how Russia’s «we» culture permeated so many aspects of daily life among families, friends, and colleagues. I experience it daily, as «foreigners» aren’t excluded from this culture. My new Russian friends were strangers I encountered who reached out to me when I had difficulties.
CHAPTER 4
My First Russian Friends
Alexey is the manager of the company that moved all my belongings overland from southern France to Moscow. He had lived in New York City, spoke English, and arrived on a snowy day in early January with five men to unload all my household goods, place the furniture, unpack everything, and put things in place. It took three days, so we had time to discuss many things. He was very curious about why I moved to Moscow and asked me many questions. After the move, he stayed in touch with me to see how I was doing and was always available if I needed advice. He always sends greetings on holidays and one day invited me to visit the Arkhangelskoye State Museum just west of Moscow. He was my first new Russian friend.
A few months later, Alexey asked me if I had ever seen a hockey game. I hadn’t. I joined Alexey and his gracious wife, Anna, to see their 16-year-old son compete in a playoff match. It was thrilling to experience my first hockey game. The team’s stamina, strength, and expert skating – forwards and backwards, stopping in an instant – were exhilarating to watch. The team members practice daily and the venues exist all over Moscow.
In the winter, there are free ice-skating rinks for hockey and outdoor winter sports located throughout the city. The former mayor of Moscow also established indoor ice rinks and sports clubs throughout the city. Children start learning hockey in these clubs at four years old and train until they’re nine years old. Depending on their ability and desire, they can then become part of a local team. Parents pay for the child's equipment only. There are no other fees. Teams compete weekly, and practice and coaching sessions take up a substantial part of the free time of the players.
Julia overheard me asking a young man for assistance. I had just finished shopping at my favorite gourmet store, walked outside, and ordered a taxi. It was snowing slightly. The taxi hadn’t arrived and my phone died. It was too far to walk home and I became worried. I asked a young man to help me, but he didn’t speak English. Julia was heading into the store, heard me, and asked if she could help. I explained the problem and we chatted in English together while waiting for the taxi. She had worked for IKEA, lived near to me, and had four children. The taxi still hadn’t arrived, but she told me not to worry, because I was in her safe hands. She stood outside with me for more than 10 minutes and assured me she would make sure I got home safely. She asked if I would be willing to tutor her young son in English. I said yes, delighted to oblige. We chatted and exchanged phone numbers. The taxi finally arrived and took me home. Amazingly, within an hour she called me to be certain I had arrived home safely.
One evening at Julia’s home for dinner, I asked her if I could take a picture of her container of bleach, as I had no idea what to look for when shopping. Within an hour, someone arrived at the door and she presented me with a container of bleach she ordered from the market. It was a gift for me until I could buy my own. I couldn’t get over her thoughtfulness.
Julia has become a good friend. We visit museums together, share meals, and have long talks. I tutor her son, who is 12, in English every Saturday. Her friend Maria asked if her son, who’s also 12, could also join the group. They’ve all been studying English for at least four years in school. Whenever they come for a lesson, they’re never empty-handed. They come with flowers, cookies, candies – no matter how many times I tell them it’s not necessary.
Nailya and I were shopping in the same gourmet market when she heard me struggling to understand the different cuts of meat. She helped me find what I wanted and explained many other things. Afterwards, we chatted, gave each other our brief bios and exchanged phone numbers. Nailya lives quite close to my apartment and enjoys refreshing her English with me. She worked for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs during the Soviet era. She also worked for major U.S. oil companies in Moscow, so we have much to discuss. She’s a great cook and has taught me many Russian recipes. She grows vegetables, berries, flowers, and herbs at her dacha and generously keeps me supplied. She always brings me something when she returns from the dacha. I also try to keep her supplied with special dishes I cook. It’s a Russian tradition to always bring something when you visit someone, and the host always sends the guest home with something special also.
Nailya and Julia are the first ones I call for advice. And now that I know my way around more, I also inform them of my new discoveries, from a delicious new olive oil to a new hairdresser, market, or dentist.
While sitting on a bench near the Bolshoi Theatre, I saw a very elegantly dressed woman in conversation with a young man, Yuri. She wore a coat made of fur that I’d never seen before. I asked if I could take her picture, so I could show it to my fashionista friends. She agreed and left shortly afterwards. Yuri then came over and introduced himself in perfect English. He wanted to know all about me, where was I from, what was I doing in Moscow, and so on. He then told me he was a bass-baritone at the Bolshoi. I was over the moon to hear that because I’m passionate about opera, so we talked about singers and operas for a long time. I was quite excited to receive a message from him a few weeks later inviting me as his guest to hear him sing the role of Figaro at the Bolshoi. He sometimes leaves me messages of him singing his favorite Frank Sinatra songs. He’s determined to perfect his American pronunciation, so I’m always on call to approve any audiobook he’s considering, as many aren’t spoken by Americans.
CHAPTER 5
Daily Life In Moscow
It’s rarely publicized, but in February 2023, the United Nations published its Global Cities Ranking for 2022 and awarded Moscow the top spot among major cities for quality of life and infrastructure, praising the metropolis for its transportation and the well-being of its citizens. The ranking accounts for a total of 14 indicators, such as health, education, recreation, safety, housing and social