At the thought of the early morning start, I mentally decide on suitable outfit choices in advance. I have no idea what to expect of Lugano and I wonder how I’ll fare with Frederick who is practically a stranger. I stretch my arms above my head and yawn. Suddenly it doesn’t matter that it’s barely nine-thirty in the evening. I resign myself to the idea of an early night in an oversized squishy bed with amazing poufy pillows. Tomorrow is bound to be a long day, if not an interesting one.
It barely feels like a few hours later when I awaken to the sun streaming in through my hotel room window and with a horrified glance at the bedside clock, realise that it’s already late in the morning and nearly time to meet Frederick. ‘Shit,’ I mumble to myself, throwing back the covers and heading straight for the shower. How on earth I’ve managed to sleep a full interrupted twelve hours, I have no idea.
Fred is waiting for me by the cream stone wall of the neighbouring building when I exit the hotel. He’s looking exceptionally different from the man I spoke with yesterday. Gone is the hotel uniform and in its place are skinny jeans showing off his muscular legs and a tightly fitted T-shirt showcasing an exceptionally chiselled chest. He spots me, and I watch as his eyes crinkle in recognition and his mouth breaks into an infectious, delighted smile. ‘Hello! I thought you weren’t coming. You’re late.’
I wave shyly, aware that I feel a little intimidated by this new look. ‘I’m so sorry, I woke up a bit late.’
‘It’s OK. We still have time. The train doesn’t leave for twenty minutes. Let’s walk this way but we need to hurry.’ He points left and sets off at a fast pace. I follow him past scores of scrupulously neat workers on their morning commute. By the time we make it to the main train station, it’s thriving with people and when Fred offers to deal with purchasing the tickets, I nod gratefully and head towards a small patisserie with an enormous window display of goodies. Not five minutes later and armed with vibrant coloured macarons, I rush to the platform where he’s already waiting next to the door of the plush double decker train that’s beeping its last warning for boarding.
‘After you’ he says, gesturing for me to hop aboard. ‘And go to the right, the left is the quiet carriage.’ We find seats opposite one another, separated by a small table and I gaze happily out of the window as the train engine starts to chug into life. I open the box of macarons and offer them to Fred.
‘So, who are you visiting today?’ I ask, watching as he takes a blue one before I wonder which one to take for myself. Obviously, I bought a dozen, what with the journey being two hours…
Fred takes a bite and raises an eyebrow in approval. ‘My sister, she lives in Lugano with her husband and children. But don’t worry, I know you’re not going to want to invite yourself to that too.’ He grins and in return I cringe shyly. ‘I’ll show you around the main streets before I head off and then you’ll be able to explore – there’s lots to see.’
‘Thanks, sounds good.’ I polish off the remainder of my peach macaron and don’t hesitate in reaching for a second. I am on holiday after all. ‘I have to say, you look very buff when not in your uniform.’
‘Not what you were expecting?’
I laugh. ‘Not at all. But it suits you.’ I hear the flirtatious tone in my voice and marvel at how I seem to be able to flirt easily and confidently knowing that he is gay. But had he been heterosexual and this a date? I’m pretty sure I’d be choking on my macaron by now and spraying his face with crumbs. After so long with Jay, it still gets me into a tizzy having to flirt with handsome men.
‘I noticed on the hotel system you’re only staying for the next couple of days – do you have other plans for the weekend?’ he asks.
‘Yes, I’m going up to Laax to try a bit of skiing. I’ve never been before, and I figured I couldn’t visit Switzerland without doing some kind of snow sport.’
He brushes away the air in a brusque dismissive manner. ‘It’s very easy, you’ll master it in no time.’
‘Let’s hope so,’ I add, doubtfully. Clearly, he has no idea that my balance is a bit like an elephant on a spinning top. Still, his faith in me fills my mind with visions of myself elegantly speeding down black runs, my hair fanning out behind me gloriously. However, I’m very aware the reality is that I’ll be arse over tit with most likely a broken leg and frostbite by the end of the first day.
After some more chit chat, I begin to feel like I’m sharing the journey with an old friend, Fred is so easy to get along with. As he wanders off to find the on-board loo, I shrug off my jacket and relax into my seat. We’re already well into the journey and the city of Zurich is long behind us. I’ve been eyeing the scenery whilst chatting but having the quiet time to fully gaze out of my window at the breath-taking green valleys that lie beyond, is overwhelming. Rolling hills of the greenest pastures flit by me, a backdrop of magnificent snowy topped mountains behind, their grandeur intimidating as the sun peaks above them and spills down onto the picturesque landscape below. Traditional Swiss wooden chalets dot the land and I feel like I’ve been transported into an episode of Heidi.
By the time Fred returns, the landscape has changed to another lake and as I look at the glittering blue water, I feel overcome with the desire to change my life in a profound way. This is it – that defining moment people talk about. The one where you supposedly have a lightbulb moment and realise you need to make big, serious changes. I want lakes and mountains in my life more often. I want impromptu random meetings with people like Fred and I want brightly coloured macarons – lots of them! I just need a plan.
‘Can I ask, do you like working at the hotel Fred?’ I suddenly wonder if he’s also going through inner tumult or if it’s just me that has totally hit the wall with my regular life.
He nods his head wistfully. ‘I love it, I get to meet some wonderful people and I always wanted to work in hospitality. It’s taken many years to work my way up, but I’m enrolled on the Montana management course and it begins in a few months’ time.’ His face lights up. ‘It’s what I’ve been working towards and then once it’s completed, Enrique and I plan to explore the possibility of living and working abroad.’
‘Wow. That would be amazing. I guess there’s plenty of hotel management jobs all over the world?’ I note the fervour in Fred’s face as he’s talking – he has something I simply don’t. Excitement about the future.
‘There’s many jobs. I know many people working in good hotels in Dubai and a friend works in Spain. It shouldn’t be hard to find something.’ He looks at me curiously. ‘What about you?’
‘You mean with my work?’ I hesitate, wondering what to say. Because really, what is there to say? With Jay, I thought I would have children so I didn’t think long-term about my career because I’d be a mum and a wife. I realise now how pathetic that sounds, even to myself. In my younger, pre-Jay years, I’d once dreamed of achieving Head of Department status but now the reality of that role holds no illusion. It’ll be a heck of a lot more work, headache and responsibility for not a lot more money.
‘I’m OK where I am – I’ve been with the same school for six years and it’s a good place to work,’ I answer truthfully. Then I find myself backtracking. ‘But I don’t know… I’m not loving it as much as I once did.’ I stumble for words, realising it’s the first time I’m voicing my concerns aloud. ‘Recently, I’m starting to feel like