“I don’t know. That’s easy for you to say – you’ve been big and strong since we were children. I’m a different person. I can’t just copy you. That would be a ridiculous piece of theater.” Uni swallowed a handful of pine nuts.
“You don’t have to be big and strong. That doesn’t matter at all. Look at Sorgius – is he as strong as I am?” Vordius turned to look at his other friend, who pulled a comically sorrowful expression. “Of course not. But if a man knows what to ask for and what to do with it, he’ll do fine in life, even if he’s shorter than all the lovely women of Enteveria!”
Sorgius rolled his eyes and stuck a cheese-filled rice bun in his friend’s mouth. While Vordius struggled to chew, Sorgius took over the role of mentor to inexperienced youth.
“See, what he’s trying to say is that it doesn’t matter what you do in life. What matters is how you do it and what you manage to achieve. If you have a strong personality, people will respect you in any line of work. That includes women, of course,” he snickered. “They love successful, independent men. I think you’ve noticed that.”
“I have,” Uni sighed. “Even a fool like me can see that perfectly well.”
“Now listen,” Sorgius went on, resting his chin on his palm and studying Uni closely. “You have a way with words, even when you’ve been drinking. You’d make a good drafter of government decrees and other important documents. Don’t you agree, Vordius? That’s where he should make a career for himself!”
“Speaking of documents,” Uni said, brightening, “I want to tell you about an enormous piece of luck that just landed in my lap. Manelius Ronko stopped by at the end of the work day. He’s an advisor to the Emperor. He waited a whole hour just to see me. No one knew what he wanted, and they were all in a panic…”
Sorgius grinned. “Waiting for you? How interesting. Is he perhaps unmarried?”
“Shut your mouth, Sorgius. Now what do you think he wanted? A secret report for the Great Lord! The Emperor needs a detailed description of Virilan and everything we have in the archive on that mysterious country!”
“I have to say I’m not surprised, especially in light of what’s been happening,” Vordius said, using his brain for the first time that evening. “Haven’t you heard? Some of our soldiers were chasing a band of nomads. They followed them farther into the Wasteland than anyone has gone before, and they discovered a Virilan camp on the plain.
“What do you mean? That’s impossible. Virilans almost never leave their own lands. I can’t imagine what they would be doing there.”
Vordius’ eyes were shining. “By all the demons of the fearsome darkness, I don’t know, either. When the men returned and told their officers, the whole thing was hushed up. I just heard some rumors.”
“Those soldiers were there for a reason,” Sorgius interrupted. “You two may have jobs that keep you near the palace, but you’re like blind chickens without me.”
Uni turned to him, “Did someone tell you about it?” He was starting to feel that he didn’t understand anything. “Tell me how you know about such secrets!”
“Maybe I don’t know anything. Vordius is right. All the warriors involved in the raid signed oaths of silence. Unfortunately, some of them thought that didn’t apply to their wives.”
“And?”
“And what? The wives have friends, the friends have lovers…”
“How could they break their oaths? It was a state secret!”
“Stop worrying, Uni. It’s all still confidential. When I was told, I was informed that this is a very big secret. The kind of secret a man could lose his head for telling.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I am. Here’s one more truth you need to learn about life: the person who plays by the rules always comes in last. Or he doesn’t come in at all. Put that piece of free advice in your pocket for the future. And your wine today is free too. So chill. Let’s drink!”
The friends tossed back their cups of the strong Seregad wine. Uni leaned against the edge of the table and looked around the tavern as if he owned the place. It was a crowd of merchants and low-level civil servants, liberally interspersed with quite a few of the doubtful people of unknown profession who were drawn to the capital from all ends of the broad empire. In his current mood, Uni looked on them as dear friends. When he was sober, he often shuddered at the sound of a rude word or profanity spoken in the street, but now the rough atmosphere could not touch his gentle soul. “This isn’t a bad place to be,” he thought. “Not bad at all.”
Vordius leaned over and picked up where he had left off. “Be sure to use that report of yours for its intended purpose.” He belched. “As a battering ram. Show them you’re the smartest guy in the empire, the only one they can turn to.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell the two of you for the past hour! I have an ingenious plan. And you’re absolutely right: no one but your humble servant has the faintest idea about Virilan.”
“Not true,” Sorgius pronounced with skepticism. “I know more than you about Virilan. I was just talking about it, in fact.”
“What about the language? You don’t know the language! That’s the important thing, because no outsiders have ever been there!”
Sorgius looked patronizing. “Please, Uni, do you really believe that you can learn a country’s language and its culture from a pile of four-hundred-year-old books?”
“Yes, I do. Virilans are an extremely conservative people. Second, we simply don’t have any other sources of knowledge. So if you don’t know the language, go back to school, little boy!”
“Back to school, Sorgius,” chimed in Vordius as he sucked the last of the meat off a rabbit bone. When he was done, he tapped the bone against his forehead. “Fill your head with something more useful than this sour swill we’re drinking.”
Sorgius banged a hand on the oaken table. When Vordius tossed his rabbit bone at him, Sorgius jokingly slid from his chair onto the floor.
“Uni, my friend, how do you say ‘death’ in Virilan? What a pity! There was so much more I wanted to do in this life!”
Vordius leaned back and laughed. “Enough of that. You paid the bill and you’re free to die.” He turned to Uni. “Well, do you know what to do? Ready to get to work?”
Uni stood up from the table resolutely. All of a sudden, he realized that his body was lagging significantly behind his mind. “I thought the main difficulty would be concentrating after several cups of wine. I was wrong. The difficulty will be getting back through the gate on my own two legs!”
Uni imagined what he would look like crawling through the palace late at night, past the fearsome guards, holding his pass in his teeth. He laughed, hiccupped, and buried his face in Vordius’ giant shoulder.
Sorgius was ecstatic. “Tell the truth! Haven’t you always dreamed of doing it?” Uni realized that he had been thinking out loud.
“Not a bad idea,” Vordius growled. “Let’s help our friend up the career ladder. He grew up without a father. Who else can show