Planning A Wedding For Dummies. Sarah Lizabeth Barker

your squad and understanding their job requirements

       Celebrating with showers and parties and registering for gifts

       Determining your budget, figuring out who’s paying, and understanding fees, tips, and gratuities

Chapter 1

      You Said Yes!

      IN THIS CHAPTER

      

You’re getting married

      

How you can enjoy planning your wedding

      

Figuring out when to get married

      Why hello there, my engaged friend. I want you to stop and take a minute to think about all the steps you have taken in your life. Think about all the paths that went right and you went left. Think about the perfect little plan you had for your life and what your life looks like today. Think about your fiancé and all the steps they took in their life to get to this point. It’s amazing to think about how all those steps led you to pick up this book, and now you’re planning your big day.

      My job is to help you get to the steps when you’re walking down the aisle. Those steps right there are going to be fun! Yes, there will be bends, bumps, and roadblocks along the way but together we will plan day one of the many steps you will take together. In this chapter, we will celebrate that you’re engaged and break the myth that wedding planning is stressful. We will also work through picking your perfect wedding date. You know, the number that will be embroidered on a blanket one day? Yes, that one!

Congratulations, It’s Time to Celebrate

It’s official — you’re engaged and that’s something to celebrate! One of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make is who you’ll spend the rest of your life with. It’s the greatest partnership that you’ll have in life. So yes, it’s time to celebrate!

      Get dressed up and go to dinner. Wear your nicest clothes and drink the expensive wine. If that isn’t your style, make a homecooked meal and light some candles. Regardless, take a minute to celebrate as a couple that you have decided to journey through this life together.

      You already did the hard work; you picked the person who will be with you until the end, until death do you part. Before we jump into the wedding planning, which we will soon, take a few moments to be grateful that you’re about to go on an amazing journey of planning your big day. More than the day itself, you’re going to have an amazing marriage. That is really what we’re planning for.

      We will talk about referrals and how valuable they are in picking your vendors later in the book. Just like referrals, start the celebration by hanging out with married friends. The knowledge you’ll gain for what comes after the wedding planning will be of value. Celebrate with those who know all about marriage. You will laugh and maybe cry but they’ll be able to give you all the intel on being and staying married.

Living by the Three Ps of Wedding Planning

      I’ve been serving couples and their families from across the United States for almost two decades. Whenever there is a “passionate” moment, it isn’t because the linens are white instead of ivory. There is always a “why” behind the client’s reaction. When your partner is “passionate” about having hot chicken bites over bruschetta for an appetizer, maybe it’s because their grandmother always made the best hot chicken bites when they were a child. Or maybe that first dance song that you love and they hate takes them back to memories of an ex-partner who also loved that song. Whatever the reason, take my advice: no one will remember those small details. If you follow my simple steps to planning a perfect day, they’ll walk away from your wedding day knowing who you are as a couple.

      Through the years, I’ve worked with my clients on the three Ps to wedding planning: perspective, process, and pause.

      Perspective

If you don’t hear anything else I tell you, hear this. You must have perspective while planning your wedding day. Yes, it is a big day, and yes, you may have dreamed of this day since you were a little kid. However, it is the first day of what we hope is a lifetime together. Now, if I was dismissive about planning an amazing day, I’d be out of business. The point isn’t to negate the fact that you’re getting married, or that you want an amazing wedding day. The point in having perspective is that the real beauty is in the fact that you will be married. Let me say that again. You will be married at the end of the day, regardless of whether you have strawberry cake or chocolate cake, whether you serve your food on real china or disposable plates, or whether you have a band or a DJ. The real joy comes after day one, when you start living life together.

      

As you go through this journey of planning your wedding, I want you to always go back to that. When you find yourself stressing over whether you’ll offer fried chicken or baked chicken, remember that at the end of the day, you will be married. When your bridesmaids start bothering you with a million questions about things that you don’t feel they need to know, remember that you will be married. When you and your fiancé get in a fight over the seating chart, remember that you will be married. When it rains on your wedding day, remember that you will be married.

      

Yes, we can plan an amazing day together and we will; I have no doubt about that. But very often clients lose that perspective and never truly enjoy the process of the wedding day itself. You can get so caught up in the details that ultimately don’t matter that you lose focus on what’s most important. It’s an easy thing to do and happens to a lot of people, but as your friend, I encourage you to stay focused on the big picture — your marriage.

      I once had a client who got so caught up in the details that when her wedding day finally arrived, she didn’t enjoy a single moment. When we first met, I could see this was going to happen to her and I started very early talking to her about perspective. She was being pulled in a million directions by everyone around her. She would call me when she got upset about the smallest things, all things that were completely out of her control.

      When her wedding day arrived, it rained, and I lost her. Typically, when it rains on someone’s wedding day, I let them have their “moment.” I tell them that is it okay to be sad. No one wants rain on their wedding day, and the person who said it was good luck had a perfect beautiful day. They deserve to have a moment and if situations come up on your wedding day that are out of your control, you can have a moment. But after that, move on.

I watched her start to go downhill with each passing minute. Every time I checked on her, she got sadder and sadder. In the end, she was never able to get past the point that something was happening on her wedding day that she couldn’t control or change. So the rain won, stealing all her joy on the wedding day.

      Another one of my clients experienced a power outage at the church due to a storm. We didn’t plan on what to do if the church lost power. I went in and spoke to this bride when the power went out. I was honestly expecting to see her sitting in a pile of tears. Instead, she looked up at me and said, “I’m just ready to marry my best friend.” I said to her, “Let’s do this!” and left the bridal suite to figure out logistically how we were going to pull off her wedding without power.

      The church was full of guests sitting in a dark sanctuary. I walked up to the front of the church