Think about whether the time is right to consider adding someone new to your household.
Confront your fears and feelings about how having a baby will change your life.
Take stock of your readiness to become a parent, with all that parenthood entails financially, emotionally, and even physically.
Review Conception 101 to fill in the gaps in your baby-making knowledge.
Decide to make the necessary lifestyle changes to ensure success in the pregnancy department.
Deal with not being able to be physically present during pregnancy and childbirth.
Chapter 1
Welcome to Dad Land
IN THIS CHAPTER
Apparently, congratulations are in order: Either you’re going to be a father sometime within the next nine months or you’re in the planning stages of becoming a dad. Either way, you’ve come to the right place. You’ll face no bigger life decision than choosing to become a parent. (And no bigger jolt than being told baby is coming if you didn’t expect it!) The best gift you can give to your soon-to-be child is confidence, and the only way to feel confident before becoming a parent is to prepare yourself for the journey that lies ahead.
Perhaps you’re already floored by equal doses of joy and fear, which is a good sign that you recognize the magnitude of the change, but fear not — you’re up for the challenge of fatherhood. Emotions run deep when confronted with the prospect of raising a child, mainly because it’s a huge commitment and responsibility that, unlike a job, never has off-hours. Babies are expensive, confusing, and time consuming, and for many fathers, they represent the end of a carefree “youth” that extends well into adulthood.
Experiencing a jumble of feelings is normal, and the more you take those emotions to heart and explore what fatherhood means to you — and what kind of father you want to be — the easier the transition will be when baby arrives.
The Glorious, Frightening, Mind-Boggling World of Fatherhood
What exactly does it mean to be a father? The answer depends on the kind of father you want to be for your child. In recent years, movies, TV shows, and even commercials have begun to transition from the bumbling, know-nothing father of yore to the modern dad who’s just as comfortable changing a diaper as he is fixing a car. Fathers today range from traditional to equal partners in every aspect of parenting.
Most parents today don’t adhere to the traditional masculine and feminine roles that your parents and grandparents grew up with. Women work, men work, and caring for the home — inside and out — is both partners’ responsibility. Today, fatherhood is a flexible word that’s defined by how involved you want to be in the rearing of your child, but the more involved you are in your child’s upbringing, the more likely she is to be a well-adjusted, loving, and confident person.
A father? Who, me?
Yes, you. As strange as it sounds, you’re going to be a father. A great one at that, because just through the mere act of reading this book, you’re taking the proverbial bull by the horns and doing your homework to find out what it takes to be a good dad from day one. As they say, anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.
Even if you’ve never held a baby before, don’t let self-doubt rule the day. Being a good father isn’t about knowing everything about everything; it’s about loving and caring for a baby to the best of your abilities. So don’t be afraid. Yes, that’s easier said than done, but being fearful of what lies ahead doesn’t change the fact that you’ve got a baby on the way, however far off that little bundle’s arrival may be.
Reacting to a life-changing event
Turning into a tearful, slobbering mess upon finding out that you’re going to be a father isn’t unusual. Nor is throwing up, feeling faint, laughing, swearing, or any of the normal, healthy reactions people have upon receiving life-altering information.
Some dads-to-be go into fix-it mode upon hearing the news, ready and eager to crunch budget numbers, baby-proof the entire home in a single night, begin making college plans 18 years in advance, and so on. Feeling like you need to get everything in order before baby arrives is normal, but remember that you can’t do it all in a day. Take some time to celebrate before you dive into the practical side of life with baby. (For more advice on handling the big news, refer to Chapter 4.)
Dealing with fatherhood fears
Even men who’ve been lucky enough to be surrounded by positive male role models find themselves doubting whether they have what it takes to be a dad. It’s like the fear of starting a new job amplified by 100. Part of being a good father is taking the time to confront these fears so that when baby comes, you don’t parent with fear. Following are some of the common fear-based questions men ask themselves in regard to fatherhood:
Am I ready to give up my present life (free time, flexibility, freedom) to be a dad?
Will I have time for my pastimes and friends?
Will I ever sleep again?
Is this the end of my marriage and sex life as I know it?
Do we have enough money to raise a child?
Do I know enough about kids to be a good dad?
Am I mature enough to be a good role model for my child?
What if the baby comes and I don’t love him?
Your head may be spinning with all the questions you ask yourself, and although you can’t answer them all right away, you need to address them at some point. However, plenty of men have