General rules of etiquette are in effect all the time, and others are specific to each situation. You must know the basics of good manners online, and this opening chapter offers the perfect opportunity to give you a 30,000-foot overview of how to apply etiquette online.
Social: Chatting with others
Social situations have rules in place that you’re probably familiar with, such as not saying things that you know would be hurtful to another person. Without standing physically in front of someone, though, it’s easier for us to forget that we’re actually talking to a real person, even if they aren’t physically present.
So, whenever you’re chatting with friends online, take the opportunity to review what you should be doing in social conversations — what passes for good etiquette, in other words. As you read, think about whether and how you’re following these rules so that you can train yourself to chat with others more effectively.
Hold a good conversation
Just as in a face-to-face chat, learn how you can hold a back-and-forth dialogue online. If you monopolize a discussion where you’re the one saying most everything, don’t be surprised if you’re called a troll — a person who is intentionally harmful to gain attention and/or cause trouble. It won’t be long before people start finding ways to avoid you.
Avoid gossip at all costs
It’s easy on social media to succumb to the urge to gossip, especially if the person you’re gossiping about isn’t included in the group of people you’re talking with. Don’t let yourself believe that private online groups are safe, though, because — just as with in-person gossip — online gossip finds a way to get back to the person you’re talking about. Then, like all gossip, it boomerangs on you.
Engage
Social media and other forms of online communication make it easy for you to ignore everything that other people write. After all, no one knows whether you’re actually paying attention, right?
If you’ve posted something, however, you may get some feedback on those posts from your friends and other people who can see your posts. It’s good form to respond to people with a personal thank-you message or a clicked Like icon — or both.
Even if you don’t want to type anything in response, clicking the Like icon next to the comment lets the commenter know that they’ve been recognized and that their comment is valuable. And, you may not know it, but you’ve improved your social standing with as little effort as a click or tap. If you see this person offline, your real-life social standing grows a little, too.
Connect positively
If you find a comment that you want to talk about, don’t be afraid to express your opinion by typing your own comment in response. Before you start typing, though, shift into the right mindset and make sure that it’s a healthy conversation.
In online discussions, you’re likely talking to a real person. So, if you think that the conversation runs the risk of turning into an argument where both you and the other person become angry — and you both look bad to anyone else participating — consider not saying anything.
Think before you post
There are several good reasons not to post something objectionable or even threatening — including the quite established fact that it can land you in hot water with your friends or even with law enforcement. Have you, or has someone you know, done one of the following?
You shared unflattering photos of your friends and then were baffled that they were upset — at least until your friends posted unflattering photos of you and then you started to get the message.
You left a comment on a false story without checking with one or more credible sources, like major news organizations and/or fact-checking sites like Snopes that have a database of stories that are shown to be false or true — or a mixture of the two.
You posted about doing something illegal because you thought it made you look cool to your friends, but instead you got in trouble with the law. For example, someone contacted law enforcement when they saw that you bragged about drinking, driving home drunk, and arriving home without a scratch — except when you hit a couple of parked cars but managed to drive off with no trouble.
You’ve posted some confidential details that someone later used against you. For example, if you’re going through a divorce and you’ve posted a lot of ugly details, you’re shocked that the lawyer for your ex somehow found those details and is using them against you.
You had no responses to your complaints that it’s too hot in the summer or to your photos showing that you had scrambled eggs for breakfast. That got you to thinking about what others want to see in your social media feeds and you started making better decisions about what to post — and being more careful has reduced your stress because you feel no pressure to post every little event in your life.
Meeting: Behaving appropriately in a small group setting
The COVID-19 pandemic accelerated online meetings to the nth degree, and suddenly the Zoom video chat app was everywhere — even in our dreams, it seemed. But the pandemic also shined a bright light on the need to behave appropriately in small groups online.
Just like in a face-to-face meeting, online meetings require etiquette. There are things you should do and things you definitely shouldn’t do. And, when acting as the leader of an online meeting, you definitely should know these rules because you may have to enforce them. Let’s break it down.
Do these things
Here are things you should do in an online meeting:
Prepare