VII. Some considerations on money and its meaning in the context of psychological treatments
Do therapists have the same attitude towards the economic dependence of their male patients as they do towards their female patients?
Female (economic) dependence in psychotherapeutic treatments of women
Suggestions for a possible alternative for tackling women’s economic dependence
Editor’s prologue
Thirty-five years have passed, indeed, and during this time, the evolution of society seems to have become increasingly bent on “money” as the leitmotiv for our existences and, along with it – despite the efforts in changing attitudes – its control over the relationships between people, both in the “public” and “private” realms, has been reinforced.
What leads a publisher to publish a book thirty-five years years after the date of its first publication, with approximately ten editions and reprints (in Spanish) since then, and to publish it in English for the first time?
We have decided to publish this book by Clara Coria because we believe that the main thrusts of her analysis are still amazingly pertinent. Her premises on the subject are still indispensable for all who are willing to rethink and critically analyze the role they play in the context of their family and society as a whole.
The dawn of the 21st century brought with it the loss of certainties, the decline of the great collective projects with the crisis of previous utopias (both for Left and the Right) and the birth of new ways of seeing the world. A focus geared towards the personal level, social and economic success, dominates current society, which is immersed in a deep crisis. In answer to this, different voices, from men and women, rise up to speak about the need to reclaim the essential values of the human being. Our prevailing culture has allowed for the emergence of a new model of man and woman that implies a break with the traditional model. The book by Clara Coria we present to you is, precisely, one of the parts contributing to the emergence of this new model.
These contents need to be read with an open mind, a sincere and self-critical attitude and a willingness to take up the difficult task of questioning oneself and shaking deep-rooted certainties in our way of life.
We are publishing this book as a part of a corpus we have decided to call Androgynous 21, a system of related published materials from which to promote the voices of men and women who advocate a greater balance between the feminine and the masculine in modern society.
We hope that both this book and its proposal interest you.
Henry Odell
As a prologue Love, money and power in a couple:
a gender-based perspective to learn
how to enjoy living together
The four key words in the title: love, money, power and couple, are, in themselves, exciting, worrying, opaque, challenging and revealing. These four nouns are the basis for the mystery of the lives of most people who have lived in the realm of Western Judeo-Christian culture and who have incorporated its principles, its ways of understanding life and, especially, the power model established between genders.
Exciting, because they pull the vital strings of exchanges between people. And all that is vital is also exciting. That is, it stimulates our greatest conscious and unconscious desires. It makes our hair stand on end, our muscles twitch, our pulse accelerate and our imagination soar. And we feel like Icarus, flying towards the sun.
Worrying, because in spite of the possible certainties some people believe they have, we are never sure of whether love, money, power and couple are what we believe they are or what we were taught they should be. Uncertainty looms at the most unexpected junctures of life, shaking the foundations we believed sustained our present and future projects. And uncertainty is worrying because, in our culture, it has been relegated to a secondary status, it has a bad reputation and it usually lacks the psychological space required to deal with it without fear. Fear of the unknown is emphasized whereas enthusiasm towards novelty and adventure are concealed.
Opaque because the apparently unambiguous and common concepts in which the words of this title are presented conceal, beneath their seemingly harmless appearance, infinite unspecified expectations, unspeakable ambitions and codes whose incompatibility is only discovered in practice. That is, when the moment comes to manage money, to take up the responsibilities of power, to share life as a couple attempting to harmonize the inevitable differences and, especially, when attempting to find and unravel the great mystery of love.
Love, money, power and couple are words that are difficult and, therefore, revealing. These concepts we “carry along” in our everyday lives, as we do with our personal history, cultural traditions or gender identity. They behave so “naturally” that they end up being obvious and, therefore, unnoticed by all. For instance: men and women tend to find it “natural” that emotional restraint is a feminine prerogative and that “protection” is a masculine obligation. In practical everyday life we can see that neither emotional restraint nor protection is universal and certainly not exclusive of either gender. Love, money, power and couple are not innocuous concepts, because the way in which we conceive them conditions our life and our environment irrevocably. It is important to keep in mind that these conditionings condition our future at all times. It is worth pointing out that, on this subject, it is often difficult to reveal even that which is not hidden, simply because the manner of understanding the concepts of couple, money, power and love have become naturalized. And sometimes, the hardest thing is to see what is before our very eyes because our outlook is limited by the prejudices we uphold disguised as “natural” certainties.
25 years later
The first edition of The Secret Sex of Money was published 25 years ago, and, since then, it has been edited and reprinted about 10 times, with this being the first English-language edition. Has the general outlook of the patriarchal model I analyzed back then changed significantly?
Even if, throughout the last decades, some women have attained the acquisition and possession of money, it still has a sexual gender, and this gender is still male. Men and women keep on perpetrating traditional concepts and methods in their interaction with money because, even though its distribution has changed somewhat, the implicit model of power it contains has not. Both men and women enter into conflict when they attempt to harmonize the old codes with new aspirations (of both genders), and they both seek strategies – which they have still not found – to attain a higher level of equality when living together.
Access to money by women has not modified the power model of patriarchal society. It is true that much has changed in the last 25 years concerning the attitudes of quite a few women to earn, manage and spend money. There have been great changes with a strong impact on female subjectivity which, therefore, also impacted