Thanks to everyone who told about their failures in the interview. Now we invite the reader to plunge further because we are just beginning to delve into the details of choosing a husband or a wife. It is like you touch water (is it warm enough?) to go swimming. Is it interesting for you to learn much about this theme? Take a breath and dive together with “time machine” making pauses and replaying special situations at new or controversial moments.
3. The choice of a spouse – the problem with many unknowns
Let’s go back to choosing of a life partner. So, what is so necessary to find out in the passionate relationships when you are only 200 months old? Oh, by the way, do you know what does it mean? How many years? Will you manage to calculate it in 5 seconds without a calculator? I will count down from five: one…two…three… Do you have an answer? You have two more seconds… Four…five! And once more to blow out your brains, 500 months – how many is it in years? These tasks will help you to be in good shape because you have to think deeply, remember and analyze. You can talk out loud or ask for the help from someone who is close, maybe after your recommendation he or she will decide to read the book and be happy. You can share this book with your partner or give a hint about it, but first it is better to have a head start. And while he will be reading after you, there will be a unique process in your head, – like in a computer – «reboot». Rebooting allows computer to use a newly installed program, this book will load you with a completely new evaluation system and a strategy for choosing a groom.
You will be able to look into the windows of different people’s family stories without disturbing those who are behind the glass. They agreed to put you in front of this “window”, so you do not make the same mistakes. Highlight for yourself those moments that you have already met. Stay a bit longer on those that according to your views could not happen. Check yourself, – are not you on the same way?
The process of choosing a husband – is the same set of rules and “formulas”, where after the sign “=” should be – Yes, he is the best one. It is a problem without many unknowns. There are more than one or two issues. And there are two golden rules:
1) do not hurry;
2) Check your partner on all counts in order not to marry “a pig in a poke” and clearly understand all your risks and possible future difficulties in every situation: in everyday life, while dealing with important issues such as how and on what spend money, how to spend your free time. Maybe there is a chance that your husband/wife will be an alcoholic or an addicted person. Will your partner make surprises for you or will there be a place for romantic evenings even if you are tired after work? Will he/she support you in your career? And who is the head of the family in the long run? It is not strange that the last theme about the family head is the honey pie for all women. And both partners in the newborn family use their best tactics to win this battle. Let me show you some examples.
It is clear (and almost there is a part of logic) that it should be the man who is the head, and the second role – for the woman. But who said that this simple and plain logic is unambiguous? In fact, it is the cornerstone in all the cracks in the families. There are plenty of combinations even in this issue. And, for example, the man thinks he is a leader, a real head of the family…But! The trickiest girl knows that her partner is only a neck. This means that there is no matter what the head thinks, the neck will turn wherever it wants. But the guy is very much on the ball. He knows that his crush is a bit rustic and knows all her thoughts and intentions. He specifically plays into the hands of her with all “turnings the neck” as if it was she who decided like that. So, the girl relaxes. And at this stage the girl celebrates the victory because she managed to play “the game”. At the same time she took him to the exhibition, against which he was all the previous year. And he thus managed to convince her to go camping for a week, despite the fact that she used to say about such journeys «over my dead body». And who is the simpleton? Who is the winner? It is possible that after such “cruise” she will climb down and allow him to go to the bars once or twice a month. And after two or three glasses of beer he will share his experience of finding compromises with his friends and new acquaintances.
AFTER ALL, TO LIVE WITH ONE PERSON ALL THE LIFE – IS THE HARDEST WORK, CAUSE IN THIS SPHERE YOU HAVE TO BE YOURSELF WITH ALL THE MINUSES AND PLUSES, BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT MANAGE TO HIDE THEM.
I do not think these are all the unknowns in such multilayered task as choosing the right lover for a family life. After all, to live with one person all the life – is the hardest work, cause in this sphere you have to be yourself with all the minuses and pluses, because you will not manage to hide them. And the majority are not ready either for the practical choice, or to assess their future difficulties in relations with your own half, arising from the qualities of your future husband or wife. You are not ready to solve this problem? You have to weigh all the details and check the answers:
– what will happen then, if he already raises his voice in the quarrels?
– what happens if he thinks about the work even on the dates?
– will he take care of me if I have a heavy bag with books and he notice it in hour and a half?
– how it will be – to live with him in one house, if he never offered a help when I was doing some household chores?
– what happens if he is talking with several girls in the chats now, saying they are from the work?
Further all is tedious and banal: if you hastened or missed out some details, – abide by the circumstances, cultivate your best abilities in order to agree well and save your family. Somebody even starts to study psychology at the university, others (due to their characters or philosophy, mindset or something else) shut the door with a bang, leave their families and divorce. Their replies to the simple questions like «What was the big rush?» are the most obscure, they sounds lame in their own ears. It shows that their mind was resting or sleeping in that very moment. But it turns out that without the mind you will not success in choosing your life partner. What are the consequences of the compulsive and reckless love?
4. Divorce in Russia. Historical information. Experience of other countries
Divorce in Russia were rare even 100 years ago. For example, in the pre-revolutionary period, due to the way of life that led most of the population, divorces were an exception:
– The first reason was the farm. It was a kind of a barrier. Women could not do all the work themselves. Farming was the only income for majority, so it was not beneficial to break up with the half;
– The second reason was the church that maintained the value of the family and had negative attitude towards divorce.
The Communist party and the total control of the moral image in the USSR were the next obstacles for those who had decided to come out of relationships. People who were in the parties were afraid of being judged by their colleagues. Over and above, there was the possibility of exclusion from the party because of divorce. Komsomol members were in the similar situation. This ideological press held even those who had real problems in their marriages, those who wanted to break up.
According to statistics the number of divorces after the collapse of the Soviet Union increased 4–5 times. The leading role is taken by Portugal. 67 marriages out of 100 break up. There are also a lot of divorced couples in the Czech Republic, Hungary and Spain – 65 out of 100. USA and Russia have the same number – 57. The best statistics are in Norway, Germany, Australia and Canada. The number of divorces there is less than in the other countries, – only 40 % or a bit more.
Perhaps you should look for a husband in Ireland, if you want to have more guarantees that the marriage will not break up. The Irish get divorced only 15 times out of 100. If you thoroughly prepare your marriage and the marriages of your children, making them strong and stable, the statistics in your country will also change for the better.
Nowadays, in our