In 1986, Victor Moon Dark was born in northwest Georgia. Though healthy on the surface, the real challenge of his life will be coming to terms with the chaotic world he arrives in. Or so he thinks.
His mother, Alvita, was born in Queens, New York, and endured an upbringing of domestic abuse. She passed it to Victor and his siblings. As a youngster, Victor came to learn, “What need is there for monsters under the bed when you live with one?” The ramifications of it will not become discernable until mid-adulthood. Survival will come from the love and comfort of his grandparents.
In his mid-teens, Victor moves to his father’s and stepmother’s residence. It initiates a short-lived custody battle between his parents. After several dramatic displays from Alvita and ensuing trauma to Victor, a surrender is given by his mother. Victor begins his youth again from the sanctuary of his father’s house.
For Victor’s brothers and sister, there’s always a longing for a closer association between all of them. This is never nurtured by Victor himself, as his three siblings display clear signs of syndromes pertaining to their mother’s malevolence. “Victor’s the smart one,” she would say to random people, bragging she was raising her children to wait on her hand and foot. The thought causes Victor’s body to convulse. To think his own brothers and sister are so far gone they refuse to see it. The shame. Having no recourse, when he starts his sophomore year in high school, he veers away from any bonding, considering their self-destructive programming. He will not be a “Vic-tum” again.
Even with the spectacle of life and family, Victor is under a particular medical anxiety. In medicine, you may learn of many diseases plaguing mankind — many deformities which best the species. For Victor, his is the tumor on the back of his brain, in proximity to the emotional center known as the amygdala. This growth is identified as a “brain-stem glioma.” It develops in children from infancy to toddlerhood and, in frequent cases, is deadly. The benign growth’s adverse side-effects are a distortion of visual depth perception and subtle audio deficiency in his left ear. This explains the number of vehicle accidents he incurs.
As time passes, Victor compensates well enough and most people can’t ascertain he has issues. The beginnings of his masterful performance of acting “normal.” In theory, these skills serve him well in years to come.
A concept pervades his life for as long as he remembers. Reinforced and reiterated daily, in movies, on television, and by peers and relatives. The perception of “normal” is elusive, in definition, for he does not have a personal comparison. Victor, even in his youth, is an active thinker. It’s just not always the right thoughts. In his mind, as with his friend Andrei, all things must have a clear-cut reason and logical explanation. Many things do not add up to the equilibrium the public teaches. He absorbs information from every source presenting itself. Even if it doesn’t seem useful, his instinct tells him, “You never know.” This inflamed curiosity is aggravating to many people.
In the mention of Andrei, he once told his grandmother, “I think the world of him.” He loved his candidness and loyalty. Andrei’s training in the martial arts and self-defense fascinated Victor, and he was eager to learn from the man. Andrei also turned him onto his favorite group, an Irish ensemble. A powerful song they performed is named, “A Bird Without Wings,” and is a poignant must hear. Their weekly luncheons and outings were refreshing for Victor and Andrei. One eatery they frequented had an excellent Cuban sandwich both enjoyed on a frequent basis.
For those of you who have read Something About Sammy, you will recall Andrei worked as a corrections officer in a state prison. Contrary to the misguided opinions of uniformed or ignorant people, many of the inmates were convicted of violent felonies. His philosophy in dealing with these convicts was simple. If they treated him with respect, he gave respect. He was well aware even the most innocuous ones were masters of manipulation. They just weren’t as good at it as he was. If an inmate violated, he dealt with it according to policy and procedure. He was not there to judge. His job comprised providing care, custody, and control. Andrei Ruchkin was good at it. An irony is the fact before he went to work in a prison, he worked as a security director for a hotel resort. It amazed him it was easier dealing with inmates than hotel guests.
You will recollect Andrei’s harmful draw to the millenial Samuel Pangborn. Although he could not bring himself to blame the young man, and his passionate obsession consumed him, his friends held hope Andrei would overcome the loss as he had so many times before. He was a tortured soul who wept not only for himself but others. He kept so much inside until the time he could no longer do so. His closest friends harbored resentment against some of the regulars he spoke of at the bar he hung out at, feeling they could have done more to help him as they were there. It was not until the end the whole truth became clear. Far from being sociable, he was a private person for the most part. Samuel Panborn’s effect on Andrei was mysterious and deep. There was not a living soul who made him feel the way Sammy did. No one, least of all Andrei, knew the confounding reasons why. Not a person alive could comprehend the purpose of the enigma. With his feelings for Sammy so overpowering, he could not resist expressing them to regulars at the bar.
Victor has a vivid imagination cultivated since infancy. He adores stories, in particular ones about crazy adventures, grand quests, and expanding human spirit. Tales of magic and heroism lull him to sleep, even amongst the terror of Alvita. He fantasizes about being powerful. Of going places and experiencing all the world has to offer. It is these visualizations fueling his world with hope and the promise of possibility. And through these romantic tendencies, he discovers the damage done to him in his earliest days.
The thing with the people you love is, they have no clue how to help or what to say when it comes to coping with your abuser. His mom never condoned her sons even talking with girls. So, as Victor matures, his anxiety around his desires strengthens. Once in a blue moon, he’ll make petty success with a female his age, using approaches he learned from books, movies, or on television. Ignorant, his phycological immaturity remains dormant. He questions, “What is normal?” We get a slap across the face for disagreeing and persons exclude us for doing what we’re taught is nice to do. Punishment is doled out because “… she’s not happy.” And if normal is not on T.V., in the movies, or at least in books, “What the Hell am I supposed to do? I matter.”
How does one explain to a child they come from a family of ignoramuses? Like many households throughout history, they kept their descendants oblivious because “God wills it.” When a family doesn’t relate to one another, how can a child learn to interact?
A friend of Andrei’s once told him, “Live for others.” Another said, “Live for yourself.” The contradiction perplexed Andrei and he voiced, “The statements conflict.”
“Well, we have to say something,” came the reply.
“Some things are better left unsaid if you don’t have the answer,” thought Andrei.
Like other children who grew without a mother figure, Victor collects mother-like proxies during his life. Amid these associations, he broadens his mind to understand family and love, by those who’ve shared food and living space, vouch for him in times of trouble, and help him understand various social circumstances. Most were not lovers, yet these women played a shifting role in his life. He himself still strives to absorb what being a man means. Not any man, a great man.
He and Andrei differed when it came to politics and other subjects. When Victor started on a rant about the wrongs of this country and how corporate America is a cesspool, it was difficult for Andrei to bite his tongue.
The two would discuss many topics. Not among