“Of course I’m coming. Danny’s coming too. I hope that’s ok,” she said, still without warmth of any kind.
“That’s great. Of course Danny can come. I can’t wait to see you,” I said. “Can I ask you something, Lau?”
“Oh, great. Here we go,” she muttered, clearly annoyed at my question.
“Yes, Lauri, here we go. You are my best friend and you aren’t talking to me and I have no idea why. So, I’d love to know why you’re so mad at me so I can make it right. What did I do, Lauri?” I asked, practically begging for an answer.
She let out a long, aggravated sigh. “Nothing. You didn’t do anything, Karen. It’s me. I’m sorry,” she said, sounding defeated.
“What’s you? You need to tell me what’s going on. I tell you everything Lauri. Tell me what’s going on with you, please,” I begged.
“Look Karen, I love Danny, I do, but I guess I just got a little jealous with you and Ramsey being all goo goo gaa gaa over each other so quickly,” she said. “And as much as I say he’s my friend, I do have feelings for him. Feelings deeper than friendship,” she admitted.
I interrupted her and said, “Then why did you tell him to come and look for me? Why did you attempt to set us up if you have feelings for him?” I asked, quite annoyed.
“I didn’t think anything would come of it, Karen. I thought you guys would hang out, have a few beers and that’s it. I didn’t think he would come out of it telling people that he’s found his soul mate.”
“Wait, what?” I asked.
“He’s been telling anyone that will listen to him that you are his soul mate and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. I shouldn’t be telling you this Karen, he should, but I hear that he’s been telling people he thinks he loves you.”
I thought my brain was going to explode from the information that it just took in. “Well, how do you feel about that?” I asked. She never answered and there was silence before I said, “Lauri, I love you first. You are my sister and will always mean more to me than any guy. If me and Ramsey having a relationship is going to cause you and I not to have one, I’ll end it right now, Lau.” I nervously waited for her to answer, silently praying that she didn’t tell me to stop talking to him.
“I love you so much Karen. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and I feel like a total dick that I have been behaving the way I have. Hearing about Ramsey’s feelings for you gave me a total reality check. I’m happy for you Karen. You deserve to be happy, and I’m glad you’re finding that happiness with Ramsey. He really is a great guy. I’m sorry for everything, Karen,” she said as she began to cry.
Relief washed over me. Yes, Lauri came first in my life, but I would have been so disappointed if she asked me to stop seeing Ramsey. We continued our conversation catching up on the last few weeks that we hadn’t spoken. Lauri told me how my mother was gushing to Joanne about what a wonderful boy Ramsey is, which made me smile.
Lauri ended the call with, “I’m really glad you called, Karen, and I’m really sorry I didn’t.”
When I spoke to Ramsey that night, I told him of my reconciliation with Lauri without going into detail because she had asked me not too. I told him that he should try to get a ride to my party with Lauri and Danny, or Joanne and Steve for that matter, but he said he’d just come alone, which was fine with me. I had told my parents that Ramsey was going to be coming to the party alone, and surprisingly, my father suggested that he sleep at our house, in the basement of course, so he wouldn’t have to drive all the way back upstate alone in the dark. When I proposed this idea to Ramsey, he answered, “Really? Tell your dad I said thanks so much and that I will definitely take him up on his offer.”
I couldn’t be more excited that Ramsey was going to be spending the night with me. We had shared so much with each other, deep dark feelings and secrets. I had talked to Ramsey about things that I wouldn’t even tell my best friend. He was the one person that I could be my absolute self around. I didn’t have to put on a show for him. He knew who I really was, and I adored that simple fact. Although I still harbored lingering feelings for David, I knew that Ramsey was the man who would make my life worth living. For all of these things, I knew that the night of my party was going to be the night. I was ready and I wanted to take that next step with Ramsey. I only hoped he be ready and receptive.
ɤ
The day of my party came and I couldn’t be more excited. I couldn’t wait to debut my new beau to all of my friends and family, but more importantly, I couldn’t wait to see him again. I couldn’t wait to throw my arms around his neck and kiss his lips, all while taking in his scent. I had never been so excited in my life.
My mother had taken me that morning to have my hair and make-up professionally done. My makeup was simple, yet stunning and my hair was blown straight with a slight flip at the bottom. It was the prettiest I had ever looked. My mom had picked out a black, lace cocktail dress for me, and I had picked out my undergarments, a black lace bra and matching panties, all with Ramsey in mind.
The party was held in the garden of a beautiful catering hall on Long Island. There were round tables scattered about the grounds, with centerpieces of gardenia floating in vases. The simplicity made such an impact and set a gorgeous scene. The flowers that bordered the area were bursting with color and made the perfect backdrop for my party. A three piece band played soft music as champagne and cocktails were passed around while I greeted my guests as they came in.
When most of my guests had arrived and Ramsey was nowhere in sight, my happiness became sadness. Lauri must have noticed my change in demeanor and hurried to my side. “Where the hell is Ramsey?” she asked in a whisper.
I simply shrugged my shoulders because I had no answer for her. When I had spoken to him the night before, he told me he would just meet me at the party because he had to make a stop before he came down and didn’t want to hold my parents up if he was late. Ramsey ended our conversation that night by telling me that he was looking forward to meeting my family and friends, and that he couldn’t wait to hold me in his arms again. Thinking about his words made me hopeful. I was hopeful that he would walk through the door and make a grand entrance. That he would grab me and hold me in his arms and kiss me until my lips hurt.
I was hopeful until I became hopeless.
As night fell upon us and the party started dwindling down, I began to bid my guests farewell. It was a great party, it was. Fantastic food, dynamic dancing and comical conversation filled the day, but always in the back of my mind was Ramsey. I was hurt that he wasn’t there, that he never showed up, but more embarrassed. I told all of my friends that they would get to meet the new, amazing man that had me smiling once again. When everyone asked where Ramsey was, I lied and said that he wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t take the trip down. I felt pathetic lying like that, but after the whole situation with David, I couldn’t let people think that I just picked guys who treated me like shit. I didn’t lie for him, I lied for me. I couldn’t even bring myself to tell Matthew the truth when he asked me. I felt like such an ass.
When Lauri and Danny approached me to say goodbye, Lauri gave me a reassuring hug that it would be ok. I couldn’t help but feel that if we hadn’t made amends just days before, she would have sat there and gloated that Ramsey never showed up. “I’ll talk to you during the week. I’m sure there’s a good reason, Karen,” she said as she held me tight. Despite her recent behavior, I really did love Lauri and was somewhat comforted in her arms.
After we gathered all of our things and got in the car, I headed back to Queens with my parents. I know my father must have been fuming over the fact that Ramsey never showed up, but he never said anything to me. He was good like that, my dad. He was a laconic man, and chose very carefully when to use his words. His silence in that car meant so much to me. My mother, however,