In an article written many years subsequent, relative to his conversion to the faith of God's impartial grace, Mr. Ballou says:—"I found, when conversing upon the subject, that my Calvinistic tenets could be made either to result in universal salvation, or to compel me to acknowledge the partiality of the divine favor. This gave me no small inquietude of mind, as I was unable to derive satisfaction from sentiments which I could not defend. That which more than anything else contributed to turn my thoughts seriously towards the belief of Universalism, was the ardent desire with which I found myself exercised that sinners might be brought to repentance and salvation. I found it utterly impossible to bring my feelings to consent to the doctrine of eternal reprobation, and I was compelled either to allow that such feelings were sinful, or that my Heavenly Father, in giving them to me, had implanted an evidence in favor of the salvation of all men, the force of which I found no means to resist."
As to Mr. Ballou's having been brought up in the faith of Calvinism, it was not without its benefits upon his after life, for it gave to him a most unlimited and perfect knowledge of the various items of faith professed by that sect, as well as the common tenets of all those who believe in the partial salvation only of the great human family. Owing to an early desire to understand the doctrine of Christianity aright, while yet of tender age he became familiar with the arguments used in support of predestination, election, reprobation, the fall of man, the penal suffering of Christ for the elect, and many other items of creed relating to the moral agency of man. Concerning this subject, Mr. Ballou says:—"As to the doctrine of Calvinism, in which my honored father was a believer, and which doctrine he preached until nearly the end of his public labors, my acquaintance with its various tenets, while quite a youth, was by no means very limited, owing to the pious endeavors of a parent whose affection for his children rendered him extremely anxious for their spiritual welfare, and to an early desire of my own to understand the doctrine of Christianity correctly." It was necessary that he should understand these matters as he did, and as he could only do, by serving an apprenticeship to them, so to speak, in order the better to enable him to refute them in after years, when he should be arrayed in a moral conflict against them. Thus the pious and well-meant endeavors of his parent to inculcate the principles of his own faith in the mind of his child were but a part of the well ordained purpose of the Almighty, in raising up an able champion for the gospel of truth.
Mr. Ballou says, referring to the period just previous to his declaration of faith and consequent excommunication:—"In the spring after I joined the church in Richmond, I went, with my brother Stephen and our cousin Jeremiah Harris, to the town of Westfield, in New York. This town is now called Harford. Here we labored together during that season, attending Elder Brown's meeting. He was of the Baptist order. Even before I left home my mind had become somewhat shaken in regard to the doctrine of endless punishment. I found it utterly out of my power to reconcile it with what all Christians professed of love to the unconverted; nor could I reconcile it with many plain declarations of Scripture; but I was by no means persuaded that salvation was for all men. My brother, knowing that I had trials of mind on this great subject, expressed a desire that I should have a conversation with Elder Brown relative to it, hoping thereby that my doubts would be removed. A conference was therefore appointed, at the house of one of the elder's deacons. There were a number present, and the elder requested me to name some passage of Scripture which to my mind favored universal salvation; expressing at the same time perfect confidence that he should be able to show me that the passage did by no means favor such doctrine. I opened to the fifth chapter of the Epistle to the Romans, and read the eighteenth verse, as follows:—'Therefore, as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life.' The elder did not appear to be at all acquainted with the text, for, instead of directing his remarks to it, he seemed to wander far off, and to talk very loud, and nothing to the subject. When he paused, I again read the text, and asked the elder if the same all men mentioned in the first part of the text, were not mentioned in the last? This simple question seemed to embarrass his mind; he was evidently out of humor, and manifested a bitter spirit, which being discovered by my brother, caused him to desire that the conversation should close, and it did. This circumstance tended rather to strengthen my mind in favor of universal and impartial grace, and to induce a more thorough examination of the Scriptures and the subject. I had no other book than the Bible, and all my early education lay like a broad sheet to cover that book from my vision. But one or two passages were found, and from them I found my way to others which seemed to agree with the first, and it was not long before I was astonished at my ignorance of the Scriptures. The Bible was no longer the book it had been to me. I became entirely convinced of the truth of the doctrine of Universalism."
It was therefore in the town of Westfield, N. Y., that Mr. Ballou came fully to believe in the final salvation of all mankind. We do not mean to be understood that he came at once to the full belief of the doctrine that he afterwards taught, but that he made at this time the earliest and most important advance towards the belief which he subsequently declared, and which has since become the creed of nine-tenths of the Universalist denomination. At this period he believed the doctrine, as he says he preached it not many months afterwards, being the fall before he was twenty-one, "when I began to speak in public," he says, "believing and preaching universal salvation, on the Calvinistic principles of atonement and imputed righteousness." The few Universalists that then existed, having obtained proof, to their satisfaction, that none of the human family would suffer endless punishment, thought they had sufficient cause for rejoicing, and seemed to be content to rest their discoveries there. Further progress upon this subject was left for Mr. Ballou to make and promulgate, as by careful and unaided research he should come more fully to understand this most important subject.
"At this time," he writes in his manuscript before us, "fully realizing that the basis of all spiritual knowledge was the Bible, that blessed book was ever with me, and not one moment in which I was freed from necessary labor was occupied save in its perusal. I learned to love it, to consult its pages with reverence, and prayerfully, that I might rightly interpret its true meaning. I became very familiar with the various important passages, which frequently gave me great advantage in controversy, at that time, on points of faith; for it was the practice of those days to blindly give credence to such faith as was taught from the pulpit, and, leaving the minister to reason for the whole congregation, they themselves rarely consulted the holy text, in a spirit of inquiry, though they deemed themselves most devout and reasonable Christians. By individual and careful explorations, I found my Bible was able to teach me all I desired to know, and that, at the outset, I had been miserably deceived in my early impressions of God's word, by not examining and weighing the subject matter of divine revelation for myself. But such is the force of habit that those early impressions were at first constantly recurring to my mind, and acting as stumbling blocks in the way of my onward progress."
It is often said that Rev. John Murray was an earlier preacher than the subject of this biography; that he is called the father of Universalism in America; and that Mr. Ballou received his opinions direct from him. But those persons who say thus, or entertain themselves such an idea, are mistaken; indeed, as often as this remark is made, it must always be by those who have thought little, and known less, of the history of Universalism. No one venerates the memory of Rev. John Murray more than the author of this memoir, who, indeed, out of respect for his Christian virtues and excellence, bears his name; but these records must be faithful in all respects. So far from Mr. Ballou's having obtained the opinions which formed the great and distinctive features of his doctrine from Murray, that venerated minister did not believe the creed of Universalists as taught by the subject of this biography, namely: that the Bible affords no evidence of punishment after death. Even at the time of Murray's death he held most tenaciously to his early belief; and he even preached the doctrine on the old Calvinistic principles, between which and the doctrine promulgated by Mr. Ballou there is a wide difference.
While in the town of Westfield, a serious accident occurred to Mr. Ballou, by which he nearly lost his life, being, by some accident, most fearfully scalded. After much suffering from the injury thus received, he perfectly recovered, and soon after returned once more to Richmond, being not yet twenty-one