LADY CHATTERLEY'S LOVER (The Uncensored Edition). D. H. Lawrence

that lives alone, and inwardly alone. And beyond that, a certain beauty of a pure creature. Not the stuff of beauty, not even the body of beauty, but a lambency, the warm, white flame of a single life, revealing itself in contours that one might touch: a body!

      Connie had received the shock of vision in her womb, and she knew it; it lay inside her. But with her mind she was inclined to ridicule. A man washing himself in a back yard! No doubt with evil-smelling yellow soap! She was rather annoyed; why should she be made to stumble on these vulgar privacies?

      So she walked away from herself, but after a while she sat down on a stump. She was too confused to think. But in the coil of her confusion, she was determined to deliver her message to the fellow. She would not he balked. She must give him time to dress himself, but not time to go out. He was probably preparing to go out somewhere.

      So she sauntered slowly back, listening. As she came near, the cottage looked just the same. A dog barked, and she knocked at the door, her heart beating in spite of herself.

      She heard the man coming lightly downstairs. He opened the door quickly, and startled her. He looked uneasy himself, but instantly a laugh came on his face.

      ‘Lady Chatterley!’ he said. ‘Will you come in?’

      His manner was so perfectly easy and good, she stepped over the threshold into the rather dreary little room.

      ‘I only called with a message from Sir Clifford,’ she said in her soft, rather breathless voice.

      The man was looking at her with those blue, all-seeing eyes of his, which made her turn her face aside a little. He thought her comely, almost beautiful, in her shyness, and he took command of the situation himself at once.

      ‘Would you care to sit down?’ he asked, presuming she would not. The door stood open.

      ‘No thanks! Sir Clifford wondered if you would and she delivered her message, looking unconsciously into his eyes again. And now his eyes looked warm and kind, particularly to a woman, wonderfully warm, and kind, and at ease.

      ‘Very good, your Ladyship. I will see to it at once.’

      Taking an order, his whole self had changed, glazed over with a sort of hardness and distance. Connie hesitated, she ought to go. But she looked round the clean, tidy, rather dreary little sitting-room with something like dismay.

      ‘Do you live here quite alone?’ she asked.

      ‘Quite alone, your Ladyship.’

      ‘But your mother… ?’

      ‘She lives in her own cottage in the village.’

      ‘With the child?’ asked Connie.

      ‘With the child!’

      And his plain, rather worn face took on an indefinable look of derision. It was a face that changed all the time, baking.

      ‘No,’ he said, seeing Connie stand at a loss, ‘my mother comes and cleans up for me on Saturdays; I do the rest myself.’

      Again Connie looked at him. His eyes were smiling again, a little mockingly, but warm and blue, and somehow kind. She wondered at him. He was in trousers and flannel shirt and a grey tie, his hair soft and damp, his face rather pale and worn-looking. When the eyes ceased to laugh they looked as if they had suffered a great deal, still without losing their warmth. But a pallor of isolation came over him, she was not really there for him.

      She wanted to say so many things, and she said nothing. Only she looked up at him again, and remarked:

      ‘I hope I didn’t disturb you?’

      The faint smile of mockery narrowed his eyes.

      ‘Only combing my hair, if you don’t mind. I’m sorry I hadn’t a coat on, but then I had no idea who was knocking. Nobody knocks here, and the unexpected sounds ominous.’

      He went in front of her down the garden path to hold the gate. In his shirt, without the clumsy velveteen coat, she saw again how slender he was, thin, stooping a little. Yet, as she passed him, there was something young and bright in his fair hair, and his quick eyes. He would be a man about thirty-seven or eight.

      She plodded on into the wood, knowing he was looking after her; he upset her so much, in spite of herself.

      And he, as he went indoors, was thinking: ‘She’s nice, she’s real! She’s nicer than she knows.’

      She wondered very much about him; he seemed so unlike a game-keeper, so unlike a working-man anyhow; although he had something in common with the local people. But also something very uncommon.

      ‘The game-keeper, Mellors, is a curious kind of person,’ she said to Clifford; ‘he might almost be a gentleman.’

      ‘Might he?’ said Clifford. ‘I hadn’t noticed.’

      ‘But isn’t there something special about him?’ Connie insisted.

      ‘I think he’s quite a nice fellow, but I know very little about him. He only came out of the army last year, less than a year ago. From India, I rather think. He may have picked up certain tricks out there, perhaps he was an officer’s servant, and improved on his position. Some of the men were like that. But it does them no good, they have to fall back into their old places when they get home again.’

      Connie gazed at Clifford contemplatively. She saw in him the peculiar tight rebuff against anyone of the lower classes who might be really climbing up, which she knew was characteristic of his breed.

      ‘But don’t you think there is something special about him?’ she asked.

      ‘Frankly, no! Nothing I had noticed.’

      He looked at her curiously, uneasily, half-suspiciously. And she felt he wasn’t telling her the real truth; he wasn’t telling himself the real truth, that was it. He disliked any suggestion of a really exceptional human being. People must be more or less at his level, or below it.

      Connie felt again the tightness, niggardliness of the men of her generation. They were so tight, so scared of life!