Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,
Though, I confess, much like the character;
But out of question ‘t is Maria’s hand.
And now I do bethink me, it was she
First told me thou wast mad; then cam’st in smiling,
And in such forms which here were presuppos’d
Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content:
This practice hath most shrewdly pass’d upon thee,
But when we know the grounds and authors of it,
Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge
Of thine own cause.
FABIAN.
Good madam, hear me speak;
And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come
Taint the condition of this present hour,
Which I have wond’red at. In hope it shall not,
Most freely I confess myself and Toby
Set this device against Malvolio here,
Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts
We had conceiv’d against him. Maria writ
The letter at Sir Toby’s great importance;
In recompense whereof he hath married her.
How with a sportful malice it was follow’d
May rather pluck on laughter than revenge;
If that the injuries be justly weigh’d
That have on both sides pass’d.
OLIVIA.
Alas, poor fool, how have they baffl’d thee!
CLOWN. Why, ‘some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrown upon them.’ I was one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but that ‘s all one. ‘By the Lord, fool, I am not mad’; but do you remember? ‘Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascal? and you smile not, he ‘s gagg’d’: and thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.
MALVOLIO.
I ‘ll be reveng’d on the whole pack of you.
[Exit.]
OLIVIA.
He hath been most notoriously abus’d.
DUKE.
Pursue him, and entreat him to a peace.
He hath not told us of the captain yet;
When that is known, and golden time convents,
A solemn combination shall be made
Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister,
We will not part from hence. Cesario, come;
For so you shall be, while you are a man;
But, when in other habits you are seen,
Orsino’s mistress and his fancy’s queen.
[Exeunt all but the CLOWN.]
CLOWN.
[Sings.]
When that I was and a little tiny boy,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
A foolish thing was but a toy,
For the rain it raineth every day.
But when I came to man’s estate,
With hey, ho, &c.
‘Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,
For the rain, &c.
But when I came, alas! to wive,
With hey, ho, &c.
By swaggering could I never thrive,
For the rain, &c.
But when I came unto my beds,
With hey, ho, &c.
With toss-pots still had drunken heads,
For the rain, &c.
A great while ago the world begun,
With hey, ho, &c.
But that’s all one, our play is done,
And we’ll strive to please you every day.
[Exit.]
THE END
THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA
By William Shakespeare
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
DUKE OF MILAN, father to Silvia
VALENTINE, one of the two gentlemen
PROTEUS, one of the two gentlemen
ANTONIO, father to Proteus
THURIO, a foolish rival to Valentine
EGLAMOUR, agent for Silvia in her escape
SPEED, a clownish servant to Valentine
LAUNCE, the like to Proteus
PANTHINO, servant to Antonio
HOST, where Julia lodges in Milan
OUTLAWS, with Valentine
JULIA, a lady of Verona, beloved of Proteus
SILVIA, beloved of Valentine
LUCETTA, waiting-woman to Julia
SERVANTS, MUSICIANS
SCENE: Verona; Milan; the frontiers of Mantua
ACT 1.
SCENE I. Verona. An open place
[Enter VALENTINE and PROTEUS.]
VALENTINE.
Cease to persuade, my loving Proteus:
Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits.
Were’t not affection chains thy tender days
To the sweet glances of thy honour’d love,
I rather would entreat thy company
To see the wonders of the world abroad,
Than, living dully sluggardiz’d at home,
Wear out thy youth with shapeless idleness.
But since thou lov’st, love still, and thrive therein,
Even as I would, when I to love begin.
PROTEUS.
Wilt thou be gone? Sweet Valentine, adieu!
Think on thy Proteus, when thou haply seest
Some rare noteworthy object in thy travel:
Wish me partaker in thy happiness
When thou dost meet good hap; and in thy danger,
If ever danger do environ thee,
Commend thy grievance to my holy prayers,
For I will be thy headsman, Valentine.
VALENTINE.
And on a love-book pray for my success?
PROTEUS.
Upon some book I love I’ll pray for thee.
VALENTINE.
That’s on some shallow story of deep love,
How young Leander cross’d the Hellespont.
PROTEUS.