***
It’s never pleasant to return to an empty house, but for Loreley it was like being on the end of a punch in the stomach. Not only was John not there, as she already imagined, but he had taken away most of his belongings.
Half of the walk-in closet had been emptied, and he had left only summer clothes. There was nothing of his in the bathroom cabinet, apart from a disposable razor now unusable.
She checked the whole apartment from top to bottom, and opened the windows to change the air despite it being freezing outside. She searched for other signs that might give her a clue as to what John had done in her absence, but there was little to understand: he would be back only to get the rest of his things.
After unpacking her suitcase, she put her dirty laundry to wash and took a shower, being careful not to touch her hair and wet the dressing. There were still three days to go before she went to the doctor to have the stitches removed. She looked at her knee and noticed that the swelling had gone down and the asymmetry between right and left was barely visible. There was some pain if she pressed her finger against the kneecap, otherwise all she felt was a sensation of heat and numbness of the skin.
Instead of getting dressed, she put on a heavy dark red satin robe and threw herself onto the sofa to rest.
Everything in the room seemed unchanged. There was the round table of white timber with a tray holding scented candles on top of it; the cabinet full of crystal glasses and vintage dishes from the Victorian era; the shelves with books and ornaments purchased in various antique markets; a mirror with a decoupage wooden frame; the tiled fireplace with glass walls and the bar with its high stools.
Everything was perfect and in its usual place.
She, instead, began to feel a vague uneasiness, a sense of non-belonging. They had taken that rented loft together and now, without John to fill it with his presence, she didn't even feel it was hers anymore. They had always split the expenses, but now she would have to pay everything and she wasn't so sure she could afford it without chipping into the trust fund her father had given her when she had left home a few years earlier.
She had promised herself not to take a single dollar from that account. She wanted to manage by herself. To be on the safe side, though, she should leave that apartment and get a smaller one in a less expensive area. But before going to an agency, she had to be sure about which direction her relationship with John would go. She wanted to give him time to reflect and change his mind, so she wouldn’t regret one day that she hadn’t tried, and give her child what it was entitled to: a family and the love of both parents.
A rumbling in her stomach suggested she had to eat something, but in the emotional state she was in, she didn't feel like cooking. Mira could have prepared something good her for if she had been there. She had given her another day off so she could have time to think about what to do, because she didn't know what she would find when she got home.
It would be very sad if one day she was forced to tell her that she had to look for another job. She had become attached to that hard-working woman, with a thousand resources; she had a lot of confidence in her and sending her away would be a great loss. Mira seemed to be attached to her too, and often said that she had never been treated so well as in that house and that she never wanted to leave her. Poor Mira!
She touched her belly and laughed in a high-pitched, wavering, nervous way, until that laughter turned to tears, which released the tension and plummeted her into mental stagnation.
The sharp beep of her mobile phone reminded her that it needed charging. Very slowly she got up and connected it to the charger; then tried to sleep, with no success.
She decided to call Hans; she needed to hear a familiar voice. This happened to her every time she felt down in the dumps, unlike John, who clammed up.
John... he was always in her head!
With scatty gestures she typed the number.
"Loreley, how are you? Did you have fun in Paris?" her brother asked her.
"Of course I had a great time..." She slipped on the last syllable and cleared her throat.
"Are you sure everything's okay?"
"I just woke up and I still feel a bit groggy. How are you and Esther doing?"
"We’re well. I'm still in the office and she's at her Mom's."
"Speaking of Esther, I met someone in Paris," she hesitated... was it important to tell him? Maybe not, but why not? "You see, the first time I saw this person I mistook him for Jack, Esther's brother."
There was silence at the other end of the phone.
"Hans, are you there?"
"I heard you."
"Sorry, you’re acting as if I didn't tell you anything."
"Don’t apologize, just tell me who this guy is?"
"I met him when I ended up in hospital and..." she froze. Damn it! She didn't want to tell him about the fall.
"What are you talking about? What happened?"
"Nothing serious. I'm fine, really!" She slicked a lock of hair behind her ears to hear better.
"Tell me the truth!" insisted Hans in a sharp voice.
When he used that tone, it meant he wouldn't give up until he got convincing answers.
"I stumbled on the stairs of the hotel in Paris. Thankfully I didn't hurt myself much, just a swollen knee and a few stitches in my head."
"I'll pop over and see you."
"Not now. I’m still recovering from the flight back." She didn’t want him to come here and notice Johnny's absence.
"I'll come later, so you'll have plenty of time to rest."
"I need to have some peace for a while. Don't insist! And I’m warning you: if you come anyway, I won’t open for you."
Moments of silence went by. "All right, but we’ll catch up during the week, okay?"
"Let me come to you, I’m often around your way. That way I’ll see Esther too."
"She’ll certainly be happy to see you. Now tell me about that man, You said you met him in the hospital. Was he a doctor?"
"The one who stitched me up. And this guy is the spitting image of Jack with a beard. When I heard him speak, I told myself that it couldn’t be him. His English is not as perfect as that other’s was, and it has a French cadence. Furthermore, the staff referred to him as Dr. Jacques Legrand. So it's clear he can't be your brother-in-law. He looked at me like he’d never seen me before."
"It’s strange the things that happen in life...”
Loreley had the impression she could hear a note of concern in her brother’s voice, as well as perplexity. "That's what I thought."
"Please don't tell Esther what you just told me. It took her a long time to accept the disappearance of the only remaining member of her family."
"Of course not! Don't worry."
"What about John?"
"He's fine, much better than me. He's at work right now." Of that she was sure.
"Say hello from me. I have to go now, I'm sorry, I have a meeting in a few minutes. Let mom know you’re home, and try to rest."
A little more rest and getting back to walking well would mean she’d need physiotherapy! she thought snorting.
"I have to go back to the office tomorrow, though, or Kilmer will fire me."
"Try to stand up to him, don't let him intimidate you. See you during the week."
8
Sonny closed the piano and threw paper and pencil onto the top of it; the new composition required