The key is to recognize attributes that don't serve you well and make adjustments. So, for me, I think I am a “BP/K” — a Black Panther/Kermit combo. (Yes, I am now making fun of every personality profile test to which you've ever been subjected at work or during a retreat.)
I am a fixer. I know this about myself. I love to save the day — that's why I love my work — I have serious Black Panther tendencies. They serve me well in my business but, as a nonprofit leader, not so much. I like to think I have some Kermit going on as well. Like Kermit, I like to think of myself as an orchestra conductor, bringing out the best in my tribe.
So what if you aren't Kermit?
Black Panther Tendencies
Thomas arrived as the new ED of a pretty small organization — budget size a few hundred thousand. Thomas wears a cape and not just on Halloween. He arrived at his organization to fix it, to save the day. The organization had been in disarray for some time.
Thomas started weekly staff meetings and no one came. Well, some did but most didn't. They were too busy. Thomas was angry and he threatened consequences. The following week, attendance was better, still not great. Attitudes were even worse.
What was he missing?
Thomas made several incorrect assumptions:
If you tell people what to do, they will just do it. Now that worked like a charm for me in Catholic grammar school in the 1960s, but in a nonprofit, your staff needs to feel some sense of ownership of the decisions made. This is what they deserve in lieu of that year‐end bonus that is coming like, NEVER.Your staff needs to feel some sense of ownership of the decisions made.
He assumed they understood — in this case, he assumed they understood the value of a staff meeting. That's not how the previous leader managed (or didn't).
So here are the changes I suggested that he make:
Have a meeting about the meeting. Send an email around; tell folks that this meeting is to talk about how a staff meeting might be valuable to the entire group and to each staffer. Let them figure out the need themselves. And yes, everyone showed up; they built a standing agenda that was more than just reporting out, and staff meetings are now weekly and well attended.
Ask more questions. Cape‐wearers are fixers and they know the answers. Maybe they are arrogant or maybe just very self‐assured. Thomas liked to just tell staff the answers; he directed them closely because he was clear about what needed to be done. I encouraged Thomas to ask staff members what they would do. Have a conversation about strategy. Guide gently if they are off base, and more importantly, listen carefully. You know, it is possible that they are right and you are not (I know — hard to believe).
Dip your toe into the world of the “gray.” To Black Panther, things are black‐and‐white. There are good guys and bad guys. Things need to happen a certain way. You need to try to appreciate the gray. This might mean you have to own the fact that you are not as open‐minded as you need to be. Are you a board chair ready to write off a board member who does nothing? Try having a coffee with said board member. Ask her what success looks like for her, what she needs from the chair to be successful. Don't vote her off the island too quickly. Move from black to gray.
Spider‐Man Tendencies
Unlike T'Challa (Black Panther) who is clearly a respected leader of his people, Peter Parker is a three‐dimensional teenager — a nerd, an introvert, and an outsider — a sensitive soul who has experienced tragedy and loss. Spidey, on the other hand, owns his brilliance and is all about victory, but both Peter and Spidey share two key things — (a) the importance of the intersection of knowledge and power and (b) a core value to lead a responsible life.
Kim began her job as a board chair deeply insecure about her ability to do a good job (get in line, Kim). She was now in charge of a sizable board filled with some very high‐powered folks. If you spent an hour with this group and someone asked you who the chair was, she would not be your obvious choice. She was not a great public speaker and was intimidated by the resumes of those folks around the table, none of whom, by the way, were willing to step into the leadership role. But Kim knew the organization needed someone dedicated — someone who loved the organization — and really wanted the staff leader to succeed.
Kim's challenge was not to be overrun by the bombastic folks in the room — to establish leadership. But Kim doesn't wear a cape.
In our coaching sessions, Kim and I spoke about where her power comes from. I learned that she was deeply empathetic and had a profound and personal connection to the mission. I also learned that she was smart as hell.
The following shifts helped Kim quite a bit:
Be the most knowledgeable person in the room. I’m not talking about smarts; I'm talking about the professional aspects of the role of board chair. I begged her to buy Robert's Rules of Order. It is amazing how much respect a board chair can garner when managing a meeting professionally. I also encouraged her to spend time really understanding the nonprofit sector and the complexities and context of the issue the organization was up against.
Play to Your Strengths. Remember Kim's empathy, remember her introvert tendencies? We devised a regular email from the board chair. It opened with a story about the work or something Kim had learned about the broader context of the work, reminding board members why they serve. Then, she was able to call board members to action. She had put the requests into an emotional and intellectual context.
Elastigirl Tendencies
Pleasers cause themselves heaps of trouble. Stretching yourself thin to make everyone happy inevitably backfires in nearly every situation — from a kindergarten class to a boardroom to a staff meeting.
The most important lesson I have learned about Elastigirl leaders is that if you can help them draw a picture of what happens as a result of pleasing, it makes them really unhappy. Elastigirls respond in the moment and do not anticipate well. It's kind of like an automatic camera — “point and shoot.” Trouble to the left? Let me fix it. Conflicting trouble to the right? I'll make you happy, too. But they can't look far enough down the road to see the implications.
Tina is an ED of a direct service organization that has a very strong client advocacy group. There had long been a push to put a member of that group on the board. Attempting to please the Client Advocacy Task Force, Tina, as ED, brought the group into a board meeting to talk about it so the group could make the pitch. Now it was time for Tina to please the board. They loved the idea. Meanwhile Ben, Director of Programs, saw the challenge a mile away. He could see that electing the chair of the task force to the board could give that task force undue power. He saw that it would be difficult for this person to be anything other than a representative of the task force rather than someone who could view the organization from 35,000 feet, as an effective board member must.
The outcome was not pleasing. The new board member came to advocate for clients. In and of itself, this was OK, but an idea he brought to the table was not in the best interest of the organization, and the board voted it down. He quit the board and undermined the credibility and reputation of Tina with anyone who would listen, including fellow board members. Tina, displeased with how she, as ED, was being treated, was recruited away. A messy leadership transition ensued (more on that in Chapter 10).
Some advice for the pleasers out there:
Tell your board chair (partner) that you have a bit of a blind spot. Gasp! Am I really suggesting that you tell your board chair that you are imperfect? Yup! You are partners, remember? Ask your board chair to help you think through the implications of decisions because you need help exercising your anticipation