Clarissa shook her head as she smiled, her eyes avoiding his. “I’m not talking about special. Special is a mean-anything word.” It was clear that she held little stock in the term. “I’m talking about love, Wade. The real thing that holds marriages together long after the children have left and the attraction has gone. The deep abiding commitment that two people make to each other until death does them part.”
“But that’s what I’m offering. At least…” Wade was beginning to wish he’d never opened his big mouth. A man shouldn’t have to work this hard to convince someone to marry him!
“Uh-uh.” She shook her head again and a few curling tendrils tumbled loose of her topknot. “You see me as this sad spinster woman who’s shriveling up inside, don’t you? And maybe I am. But I believe in the power of love to change people, to change lives.” She finally met his stare, her eyes intent. “Do you?”
He nodded slowly, visualizing the kids in ten years. “I believe your love could transform those children into even better adults. And you do love them, don’t you, Clarissa?” He waited, hoping she wouldn’t deny what was so obviously the truth.
“Of course.” She didn’t even bother to pretend.
“So do I. And that’s what this is all about. You and I are adults. We know the score, we know how many marriages fail even with love. We also know that lots of people have happy marriages without love.” He took a deep breath and continued, praying for guidance through this minefield.
“I’m offering a commitment to you. I won’t walk out on you or them, Clarissa. I will never walk away. I like you. I respect and admire you. And I want you to marry me.”
“For the children?”
He nodded. “I won’t lie. For the children. To keep them together, to give them the kind of home they won’t have if they go into foster care. Because I think you care enough about them to help me keep them together.”
She sat back in her chair, her eyes closed, head tilted back against the soft cushion as if she were praying. Wade sat there, studying her. Even with only her grandmother, Wade knew she’d enjoyed all the things he’d missed out on in his childhood, all the things he wanted for the kids.
“It would be good for you, too. You want a family, somebody to eat all that wonderful cooking, to share this place. Someone to laugh with and enjoy life. I know you’d be taking on an awful lot, but I believe you’re the kind of woman who can do that and enjoy it.” Hadn’t he seen that for himself? Wade let a tiny bit of his heart unfold to her.
“This way, you’d get to mother the kids the way you would your own. You wouldn’t have to work if you didn’t want to. I’d provide a home for us, either here or in a new place altogether, if that’s what you want.”
She was watching him now, her eyes shadowed, hiding her thoughts. Wade couldn’t tell if she was buying into the dream or not, so he played the only card he had left.
“Love could happen, Clarissa. Maybe someday. You’re a very beautiful woman, you know. When you relax and forget to be so prim and prissy, your natural beauty shines through. That’s why the kids latched on to you so quick. They’re good judges of character.”
If Wade was sure of one thing in his life it was that Clarissa Cartwright was decent, caring, loyal and true. She wouldn’t run away or back out of a deal because of something in his past. So there was no need to tell her.
Was there?
Her huffy voice broke into his thoughts. “I am not in the least prim!”
“Yes, you are. But in the nicest way.” He grinned. He was getting to her, he could tell.
Silence.
Then she spoke again.
“All right, Wade.” Her voice carried to him softly, barely audible above the crickets. “I will marry you. For the children.”
A wave of relief swelled, then cascaded all over him. Wade sighed his relief, stood and drew her up to stand beside him. In the dim light from the living room he could barely see into her eyes. She looked soft, vulnerable in the wash of twilight that made her round, solemn eyes seem lonely. He wanted to reassure her that she wasn’t making the biggest mistake in her life taking him on.
“No, that isn’t quite right.” He shook his head, suddenly wanting their relationship to be more than that. “Not just for the children. For us, too. We’ll make something good of this marriage, Clarissa. I promise you that.”
As he tilted her chin and leaned down to touch her lips with his in a promise, Wade shoved thoughts of the past out of his mind and concentrated on the shy, timid, butterfly-woman in his arms. Her lips were soft, untried, and he touched them reverently, asking a question.
When her arms lifted to encircle his neck and her mouth molded to his, he thought he had his answer. The tiny fire of hope flickering inside his heart told him they would make this work.
Only later, when he was checking into the motel, did it dawn on him that he was doing the one thing he’d promised himself he would never do. Wade would be starting his married life with a lie. He would never allow love to blossom in his heart.
But for now, there wasn’t any other way. He needed Clarissa.
Chapter Four
“Oh, I’m so glad you’re here, Blair. And you, too, Briony. You’ve made it the perfect day.” Two weeks later Clarissa hugged her dearest friends in turn, paying careful attention not to crush her wedding dress. “It’s been so long since we were all together. The three musketeers—Blair Delayney, Briony Green and Clarissa Cartwright. I miss college sometimes. We could just flop on each other’s bed and chat nonstop.”
“Of course we’re here! We wouldn’t miss this for anything! If you remember, this—” Blair waved a hand around the bride’s room at the church “—is what we chatted about.” She dabbed at her tears. “You’ve waited a long time, honey, and Wade is a wonderful man. I know you’ll both be very happy.”
“You will be happy, Prissy. I can feel it right here.” Briony tapped her chest, giggling as Clarissa rolled her eyes at her indignation of that old nickname. “I only get that feeling at special times and this is one of them.”
“I think you get that feeling when you eat as much pepperoni as you did last night. Try some antacids.” Blair winked at Clarissa, reminding her of the impromptu shower the two college friends had held in her bedroom.
They’d given her frilly nighties made of the silkiest fabric. She’d never had anything so lovely. She hadn’t wanted to tell them she was getting married because of Wade’s kids. Neither had he. In fact, they hadn’t told anyone the truth, not even the kids.
“It’s a private matter between us,” Wade had insisted. “Let them think whatever they want. I want the kids to believe we’re going to be a normal family, that their world is as secure as every other kid’s in this town.”
She’d agreed because it made things so much easier. The problem was, even on her wedding day, Clarissa still wasn’t sure what “normal” was in their case. He’d said she was pretty a lot of times. And lately his arm had taken a liking to her waist, especially if she left her hair down.
It made her breath catch when his fingers trickled through the strands and he compared it to silver in that muted growly voice. She’d learned a little about his family, too. His mother had been a silversmith. At least, she wanted to be, until her husband deserted her and she had to waitress to make ends meet.
Clarissa pushed the reminders of romantic dreams away as she felt heat rise in her face. If he hadn’t said it, lately Wade’s kisses