Barry Loser and the Holiday of Doom. Jim Smith

noise from the table next to me. I swivelled my eyeballs to the left and saw Sharonella batting her eyelids at me.

      ‘You can take me to Plonkton any time!’ she grinned, looking at my nose, which was sticking out of my face, trying not to smell her perfume.

      ‘IT’S JUST A NORMAL NOSE!’ I shouted, an excitement blowoff from earlier popping out as an extra-loud annoyance fart, and I turned back to Bunky. ‘HELLO-O?’ I boomed, knocking on his head like it was a front door. ‘ANY-BODY HO-OME?’

      Miss Spivak stopped calling out the register and pointed her pointiest finger at me. ‘That’s it Loser, outside NOW!’ she screeched.

      I stood up and looked at Bunky sitting there all goody-goodily, trying to impress Nancy.

      ‘BAD DOGGY!’ I said, wagging my finger at him, and I stormed out of the classroom.

      

      I was in the corridor, scratching-and-sniffing a light switch, when the bell went and the door swung open and everybody started running out.

      ‘Thanks a LOT for getting me in trouble!’ I said, smelling Bunky’s cheesy feet standing behind me. ‘I’m never gonna get a scratch-and-sniff sticker now,’ I moaned, turning round and doing a surprise blowoff.

      It wasn’t Bunky, it was Darren Darrenofski, wearing a brand-new sticker with a triangle of cheese doing a thumbs up on it.

      ‘How in the name of loserness did you get that?’ I said, snuffling my nostrils all around it like a dog.

      ‘I peeled it off Anton Mildew’s jumper when he wasn’t looking!’ burped Darren, the smell of his Fronkle burp mixing in with the cheese sticker and Gordon’s kangaroo one from earlier.

      As if there weren’t enough bad smells already, Sharonella floated up. ‘Poor old Anton. You’re a bad boy, Dazzer!’ she chuckled, high fiving Darren, and the noise of their palms slapping together made me blink.

      When I opened my eyes again twelve billiseconds later, Bunky was walking out of the classroom behind Nancy Verkenwerken.

      I turned round to tell him off for getting me in trouble and gasped.

      Stuck on to his jumper was a scratch-and-sniff sticker of a Diplodocus doing a thumbs up.