‘But Elizabeth—doesn’t he know? About the baby?’
Elizabeth’s voice became a flat monotone. ‘There was no reason to tell him——’
‘But surely, as the father, he had a right——’
‘No!’ Elizabeth’s voice was harsh. ‘A weekend fling with a stranger does not make you a father. It doesn’t constitute any rights. And anyway——’ and here her voice faltered ‘—I did try to contact him. To tell him. But he’d flown back to the States. I left him on the Sunday, and he flew back home on the Monday. And he had a fiancée back at home waiting for him. So you see,’ she gave a watery smile. ‘It really was just a quick roll in the hay—isn’t that what Americans say?—for him. That’s all he ever intended it to be. But it gave me what has made my life worth living. It gave me Peter. Speaking of which——’ and she rubbed a fist into each eye and glanced at her watch ‘—I’d better get going—he’ll be back from football practice soon.’ She swallowed the last of her brandy and got to her feet.
Jenny stood up too, still looking puzzled. ‘But how could he—how could he not recognise you? After ...after ...’ Her voice tailed off in embarrassment.
Elizabeth shrugged. ‘It was nearly a decade ago. I’m pounds lighter, I’ve had my hair cropped, and I wasn’t wearing glasses at the time. And, I expect,’ she said bitterly, ‘that there have been countless others in his bed since. But Jenny,’ she said, very softly. ‘Please. John was the only other person who has heard the whole story before. Perhaps I shouldn’t even have told you. I probably wouldn’t have done if it weren’t for the shock of seeing him again. But please, promise me that you’ll never speak of it to anyone? Imagine if any of the partners got to hear about it?’
‘Of course I won’t. Not that I think the partners would care—not in this day and age. But what about Peter? What does he know of all this? Does he think that your husband was the father?’
Elizabeth shook her head. ‘No. I’ve never lied to him. I simply told him the truth—that I loved his Daddy very much, but that sometimes things just don’t work out as you hoped they would.’
‘But now that this—Rick Masterton is back. Don’t you feel you ought to tell him?’
‘No,’ said Elizabeth with a quiet fervour. ‘Not now—it’s too late. Especially not now. I was nothing to him—a young, willing bed-partner he can’t even remember. And now he’s a rich and powerful man; very powerful indeed. He’s also an attorney who specialises in child custody cases, driven by a particular zealous fire—taking up the cudgels on behalf of men who he feels have been poorly treated in custody cases. Imagine if he discovers that he hasn’t just been denied access, but knowledge of his son as well? He could take Peter away from me. And I can’t take that chance. Now, I really must go, Jenny.’ She gave a thin smile. ‘Thanks for listening. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Elizabeth travelled the three blocks to the Tube station in a total daze and flashed her season ticket at the guard as she waited for the northbound train which would take her home. She took a deep breath of fresh air as she walked along the platform, welcoming the anonymity of the crowded train, the blank eyes of the fellow passengers, the opportunity the journey would give her for time to think. To come to terms with having seen him again after all this time.
But by the time she reached her exquisite detached Regent’s Park house her mind was still a maze of muddled images. She walked wearily up the path to the distinctive black-painted front door, the sight of the elegant building momentarily soothing her troubled mind. Home.
She walked into the elegantly spacious hall and heard the familiar sound of a computer game from just down the hall.
‘Peter!’ she called, and there was a flurry as the boy, whose build, though wiry, none the less showed a hint of muscle which would make him as tall as his father in adulthood, came dashing along the corridor.
‘Hello, Ma—I scored three times today—can you believe that? Hey——’ And he peered at his mother closely. ‘You haven’t been crying, have you?’
‘Crying? Of course I haven’t,’ said Elizabeth briskly. ‘Now, do I get a hug or not?’
‘Ma!’
He spoke with all the feigned horror of physical affection which was prevalent in little boys after their sixth birthday, but he gave her a tight hug anyway, and it needed every bit of effort she possessed for her eyes not to grow unnaturally bright for the second time that afternoon.
‘Where’s Mrs Clarke?’ she asked, looking around for her stalwart of a housekeeper-cum-babysitter.
‘Gone upstairs,’ said Peter. ‘She’s knitting some kind of jacket for her granddaughter. What’s for supper?’
Deciding on a simple supper for them both, Elizabeth went into the kitchen with Peter and busied herself with cracking eggs for omelettes and making a salad, while Peter chattered on excitedly about his chances of playing for the junior soccer team that autumn.
Elizabeth was aware that she was viewing her son with new eyes this evening. Her heart was always in her mouth when she looked at him, consumed with unconditional love for the small being whose appearance had dramatically altered the whole course of her life.
Over the years she had tried, without lasting success, not to think too much about his father, not just because of the pain, but because there didn’t seem a lot of point in dwelling on a man she would never see again.
But now she had seen him, and it was as if his reappearance had brought it slamming home to her just how like his father Peter was. The same dark hair, the same curiously light and distinctive blue-green eyes, the same long-limbed build with the potential for a distinctively steely strength. The same razor-sharp mind.
He looked up suddenly, aware of her scrutiny. ‘You’re sad,’ he said, with unnerving perception—since she had been sure that her face showed nothing of her thoughts.
‘A little,’ she admitted.
‘You’re thinking about my dad?’
She kept her voice deliberately light. ‘Why d’you say that?’
He shrugged. ‘’Cos that’s how you always look when you think about him.’ He gave a small shrug which suddenly made him look terribly vulnerable.
She felt suddenly, inexplicably guilty. ‘I bet you really miss never having had a real father?’ she probed.
‘I had John—I can kind of remember him. I know he wasn’t my real Dad but—he was great.’
Elizabeth remembered her ex-husband with the same affection. ‘Yes, he was great. But never having known your real father——’
‘You were always enough for me, Ma.’ And then, obviously embarrassed by such a slushy admission, he scowled. ‘When’s supper going to be ready? I’m starving.’
‘Coming right up,’ she said brightly, sliding a fluffy omelette on to the plate and pushing the wooden bowl of dressed salad into the centre of the table, while they both sat down.
Nothing’s going to happen, she told herself. Nothing. In a few months he’ll be gone, and that will be that.
But she lay awake all night long, her face set with tension, blinking unseeingly at the moon-shadows on the ceiling, her mind fraught with images of Rick.
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