With their purchases tucked safely in the trunk, Cindy talked him into an exotic restaurant that boasted only the unusual. She had promised to forgo granola and vegetarian fare, but he wasn’t sure this was much better.
“So, what do you think?” she asked, excitement deepening the green of her eyes.
“Let me put it this way. I don’t recall ever finding myself torn between ostrich and buffalo as my only possible entrée choices.”
Her face, bright and mischievous, only sparkled more. “Great, isn’t it? I mean any place can offer steak or fish.”
Flynn had a sudden longing for just that banality. “So they could.” He turned the menu over, glancing at the back. “I don’t suppose they have pasta.”
She rolled her eyes. “We had pasta for dinner last night.”
“True. And what are the chances of finding spinach-and-wheat pasta twice in a row?”
Some of the pleasure in her expression dimmed. “Oh.”
He swallowed a sigh. “Most pasta doesn’t have that much flavor.”
But her former sparkle had disappeared. “That’s diplomatic.”
“It really was good,” he insisted. “I’m not used to a pine nut sauce, but the noodle part was good.”
Unexpectedly she laughed. “We really should have gone to a steak place, shouldn’t we? It’s not too late. We haven’t ordered yet.”
“No. This is fine. How many chances will I have to try exotic meats?”
“If you stay at my house long enough, you might be surprised.”
His actual surprise was the grin he found pushing his lips upward. “So, what do you recommend? Which delicacy won’t we be trying?”
She took pity on him. “Both the buffalo and ostrich taste like beef, just a touch milder. And they’re lower in fat, cholesterol and calories.”
“It must work,” he admitted.
Puzzled, she tilted her head. “What do you mean?”
“You’re still turning heads, and none of the calories are sticking.”
When she didn’t immediately reply, he glanced up from the menu. But instead of a warm blush or sly demur, she had paled. “Something wrong?”
Cindy shook her head a bit too quickly and forcefully. “No. Just hungry. I didn’t have any breakfast.”
Flynn wasn’t sure why, but he was certain that wasn’t the truth. Still, he didn’t argue the point; instead he listened as Cindy asked the waiter for a bowl of soup. He played along deliberately, sensing whatever was bothering her would only be exacerbated by anything else he could say.
It was unusual for Cindy. She normally steamed ahead with unrestricted fervor, energy and an undue need for control. But she never seemed weak.
And it affected him with unexpected emotion. Cindy had never struck him as needing protection.
As he watched, she pushed at the roll on her plate, but never picked it up. So it wasn’t hunger. He wondered what it could be, what had so thoroughly shaken her. But throughout the meal she didn’t meet his eyes.
And that made him want to know all the more.
A few days later Cindy tucked the new toys into place in the Rainbow classroom. She had chosen each one with a particular child in mind, and she could just picture their faces when they came to the next session.
“Hey, you,” Katherine greeted her, strolling into the room. “I thought I saw the light on in here.”
“Just getting things ready for tomorrow.”
Katherine glanced around the empty room. “And where are your three new appendages?”
Cindy smiled, but her heart wasn’t in the effort. “Flynn has them. I think he believes I’d like to take them over.”
Katherine’s smile was wise, knowing. “Wouldn’t you?”
“Absolutely. But not away from him. And Flynn has this all-or-nothing mentality.”
“I don’t suppose you’ve considered the possibility that he thinks you might need a break from their constant care?”
Cindy furrowed her brow as she sank into one of the kid-size chairs. “No.”
“It’s not a competition,” Katherine reminded her gently.
“I don’t look at it that way!”
“Not even a little bit?”
Deflated, Cindy stared at her friend, the only one who knew her secrets and still didn’t judge her. “I suppose I do feel I have a lot to prove.”
“Do you remember when I was agonizing about Michael? Trying to change myself into the woman I thought he wanted?”
Cindy nodded.
“And do you remember what you told me? That if he didn’t love me for myself, he wasn’t the right one for me?”
“All too well,” Cindy admitted. “I guess that’s the crux of it. I don’t really want to change for him, yet I suppose I hoped he’d see me in a new light, realize my value.”
“If he doesn’t, then he’s blind.”
Cindy’s smile struggled to form, but failed. “Don’t you see? He always has been as far as I’ve been concerned. After he took one look at Julia, I was as appealing as an Easter egg you find in the middle of the summer.”
Katherine couldn’t stifle a smile. “Oh, Cindy. How can he not see how special you are? How much joy and adventure you bring to everything?”
Cindy shrugged. “He doesn’t care for adventure—that’s why he chose Julia.”
Wincing for her friend, Katherine met Cindy’s gaze, her voice gentle. “You also told me that I couldn’t be a substitute.”
“Believe it or not, that’s been the foremost thing on my mind these days. Even if I never find another man to love the way I do Flynn, I won’t settle for being Julia’s substitute.”
“I suspected as much.” Katherine hesitated. “Do you suppose now that Flynn is here, some of the illusion of denied love will lose its appeal?”
Cindy couldn’t control the tears that spurted, or the trembling of her lips. “That’s just it. Now that he’s here, it’s just worse. I don’t know why. I can’t explain it. There is something about Flynn and only Flynn that’s in my heart and won’t go away. I’ve tried, Kath, I really have.” The tears gave way to gulping sobs. “I’ve tried not to love him, but it’s still there, every moment of every day.”
Katherine reached out, enveloping her in a hug, one that vibrated with great shaking wails of pain. And one that Cindy was helpless to stop.
That same evening Flynn tried to keep the lid on the rice cooker, while making sure the girls didn’t tug on any of the pot handles on the stove. But that was harder than he’d expected. Fearing they’d pull a pot off and burn themselves, he put them in the next room with a children’s video.
He’d chopped and diced for what seemed like hours. He’d found a fairly palatable-sounding recipe in one of Cindy’s cookbooks. It was a tofu stir-fry seasoned with oyster sauce. The instructions promised that the tofu would then taste like oysters. He had his doubts, but the dinner he was preparing