That made her meet his eyes again. She looked shocked. ‘But aren’t they proud of you? Of all you’ve achieved, of the way you’ve made millions of people see beauty—the stuff you’ve choreographed for other people to dance, as well as the stuff you dance yourself?’
‘In their own way, I suppose they are. And I guess it could’ve been worse. I don’t think my dad could’ve handled it if I’d wanted to dance ballet. Billy Elliott, eat your heart out. Though I’m just as bad. I pushed everyone away after the accident.’ He paused. ‘So is this your way of saying you’re not close to your family?’
‘I’m an only child,’ she said. ‘Maybe it would’ve been easier if I’d had a brother or a sister. But I think I was probably a mistake. My parents …’ She sighed. ‘Let’s just say they’re not the greatest of role models. And I don’t think they should ever have had children. When I was young, Mum was always leaving Dad because he was having an affair, and getting her own place for a while. She’d take me with her. I’d just get used to the new place, and then they’d make it up and she’d move back in with him.’
So Polly had never known any real stability, Liam thought. No wonder she was worried about getting involved with him. When his career took off again, he could end up taking a show round the world. Given what she’d said about her past, he knew she’d hate that kind of upheaval.
‘It got worse when I was a teenager. Mum started having affairs to get back at Dad. The house was always full of fights and slamming doors. And they both yelled at me because I was so clumsy, always dropping things.’
And he’d just bet Polly grew clumsier every time she got stressed, making it a vicious circle. No wonder she’d said that she never screamed. She’d had more than enough of it when she was growing up. ‘You were a kid. It wasn’t fair to yell at you.’
‘I guess it made a change from yelling at each other.’ She bit her lip. ‘I hated living in chaos all the time. My teachers started asking me why my grades were dropping, and I was too ashamed to tell them it was because I couldn’t concentrate. About how bad it was at home.’ She swallowed. ‘I asked Fliss’s parents—my best friend’s—if I could stay with them. Fliss had told them what was going on, and they said yes. I went home to pack. I was going to leave my parents a note to tell them where I was, but they found me packing. And they were so angry with me. They said I couldn’t be friends with Fliss any more.’ She dragged in a breath. ‘I talked to Fliss at school, because they couldn’t stop me, but I wasn’t allowed to see her outside. And there was still all the shouting and the slamming doors and the leaving and the moving back in.’
Liam’s heart ached for her. No wonder she’d done something so desperate. She must’ve been so unhappy. Sure, there had been rows at home—mostly over his choice of career—but he’d grown up knowing he was loved.
‘In the end, I failed my mock exams. And I’d just had enough. I wanted out. I didn’t know who to talk to, who could help me. So I … cut my wrists.’ She swallowed hard. ‘It was a cry for help. And I’m ashamed of it now.’
Even though part of him was yelling a reminder that he needed to keep himself separate, to keep his heart safe, right now Polly’s need for comfort was greater. He couldn’t stay away any more. ‘Pol. I know we’re not—well, together. But I can’t just sit here and watch you rip your heart out like this. You need someone to hold you. And I’m here.’ He stood up and went round to her side of the kitchen table, scooped her out of her chair, sat in her place and settled her on his lap, wrapping his arms round her.
‘I don’t know whether I want to weep for you most or bang your parents’ heads together,’ he said. ‘And you’re being way too hard on yourself.’ He held her close. ‘When you’re fifteen, you have enough to deal with anyway, without having family troubles on top of that. Of course you’d have dealt with the situation differently at, say, eighteen, but you were only fifteen, Pol. You were still a kid. You couldn’t be expected to cope with their mind games and selfishness. And I’m sorry you had to go through that kind of unhappiness.’ He paused. ‘Obviously they found you in time after you did it.’
She nodded. ‘They took me to hospital. The doctors patched me up and sent me for counselling. That’s when I learned that smiling makes things better. Fake it until you make it.’
‘You don’t always have to put on a brave face. It’s OK to be upset or angry.’
‘No, it’s not.’
He decided not to point out that she’d lost her temper with him and cried all over him. Right now she’d smile her way through anything he said. He’d thought he was stubborn, but she made him look like an amateur.
There was nothing he could say. He just held her. ‘Did your parents finally wake up to what they were doing?’
She nodded. ‘I think seeing all that blood shocked my parents into going for therapy, too, and the fighting and the leaving and the getting back together all stopped. But we don’t really trust each other. They don’t trust me not to go into meltdown every time something stressful happens, and I don’t trust them to be there for me when life doesn’t go the way I want it to.’
‘You didn’t go into meltdown over Harry. Well, except your haircut. Which I take was a statement that you were kind of reinventing yourself without him.’
‘I did it myself with nail scissors. Just to get rid of the one thing Harry always said he loved about me, because—well, I was angry and hurt, and this was my way of lashing out.’ She gave him a wry smile. ‘Cutting off my hair to spite my face, you might say. Shona freaked out slightly because she knows about my past, but she dragged me off to get my hair fixed.’
‘It suits you.’
‘And it doesn’t take two hours to dry any more. That’s a bonus.’
Another of those wide Polly Anna smiles. He stroked her face. ‘I know Fliss and Shona have been careful with you. I take it your parents are treading on eggshells?’
Polly grimaced. ‘Dad’s first concern was the money. How much he’d paid out in deposits and would have to forfeit. And then Mum started shouting at him for being selfish.’
‘Now I really want to bang their heads together. How can they put themselves first when your life’s gone pear-shaped?’
‘It’s how they are.’ She sighed. ‘I guess I’m a coward, because I’ve been avoiding them ever since. But it’s a lot easier dealing with them at a distance.’
‘You’re not a coward, Pol. You’re sensible. I’d avoid them, too.’
She smiled wryly. ‘I wish they were more like Fliss’s parents. Fliss let me move in with her until I found a flat—and the second she told her parents what had happened, they came round to give me a hug and ask if I had a to-do list they could help with.’
Thank God she had someone in her life who cared enough for her. And he made a mental note to call his family later. He’d pushed them away too much; it was time he started appreciating them. They only interfered and nagged because they cared. He was lucky. ‘Fliss’s family sound lovely.’
‘They are. Actually, Harry’s parents are lovely, too. After he told them, they called me and told me he’s an idiot, and just because I wasn’t with him any more it didn’t mean I couldn’t still be part of their lives.’
Because to know Polly was to love her, Liam thought.
And he stuffed that thought right back in its box before it had a chance to grow. Love? He wasn’t in love with her. Love wasn’t something he did any more. Besides, Polly had made it clear she didn’t want that from him. She didn’t need that extra pressure right now. And he didn’t need the complications.
He stroked her hair. ‘I’m glad you’ve got good people in your life.’
‘I have. I’m lucky. I have so