Teri McRoy sipped her coffee as she stood at the window and looked out.
For miles all she could see were beautiful plains, valleys and mountains. The Torchlight Dude Ranch, located in Torchlight, Wyoming, was a luxury guest ranch on over a thousand acres just west of Cheyenne. Mac had first brought her here for their honeymoon ten years ago and had promised that one day he would bring her back.
He never had.
Knowing she needed time alone to deal with a few issues, this was the first place she’d thought of coming due to the wonderful and lasting memories she had of the time spent here with Mac. Now she was glad she had come. She missed her girls more than anything and appreciated her in-laws for their quick response in coming to look after them. Her daughters couldn’t ask for better grandparents. Mac’s parents were the best. She couldn’t imagine leaving the girls with anyone else right now. But still, she was compelled to check on them every day. She needed to hear their voices. As expected, they would tell her they missed her—and tell her how much fun they were having with Pop and Nana.
One of the things Teri liked most about this dude ranch was that you didn’t have to stay in the main house. If you opted for more privacy, there were several small cabins spread out over the thousand acres. It was beautiful. Part of the package was that you got your very own horse to use daily and it was delivered to you each morning. Hers was a beautiful white stallion named Amsterdam. Over the past three days, she and Amsterdam had gotten to know each other well. She wasn’t even put off by his spirited side. Being the horse expert that she was, she loved the challenge.
As she stood there thinking about just how idyllic this cabin was, she knew in her heart the one thing missing was her husband’s presence. She missed Mac and always did whenever he was gone for long periods of time, although she tried hard not to let him know it. He had a dangerous job and she’d known that when she had married him. She’d also known he could be summoned away at a moment’s notice without being able to inform her of where he was going or how long he’d be gone. The longest time he’d ever been gone was seven months. This time it had been almost nine and she was beginning to worry. What if...
Teri shook her head, refusing to go there. Mac expected her to be strong and handle things while he was gone. Unfortunately, this time around it was hard for her to do that. Things had happened that she hadn’t counted on and her heart broke more and more each day.
Mac was a good man. A wonderful father and loving husband. He provided for his family, whatever their needs were. Financially, Mac’s girls didn’t want for anything. However, she was discovering that there were some things that money couldn’t buy. Peace of mind. More good days than bad. And a marriage that was more blissful than stressful.
A part of her wanted Mac to not only be on the ranch with her to share in the beauty again, but to also just hold her and tell her everything was going to be all right. She needed him to not blame her for what had gone wrong. Even if it was the news of losing the very thing he would have wanted.
A son.
When she felt her tears fall again she drew in a deep breath. Her grief counselor had talked to her, told her that miscarriages were more common than most people even knew. She’d done nothing wrong.
The counselor didn’t know the half of it.
She was not supposed to get pregnant. Mac had said that although he would have loved to have a son, when it didn’t happen with Tasha that was it. He felt four kids were enough for her to handle on her own while he worked as a SEAL.
They’d talked to her doctor about getting her tubes tied, which could be done as an outpatient procedure. They’d scheduled the surgery, but he’d gotten called away. She was to keep the appointment for the procedure regardless. Then she’d gotten the call from the doctor saying results from presurgical blood work revealed she was already pregnant. There had been no way to reach out to Mac to let him know, but she figured he would eventually be happy about the news. Everything was going fine, but then four months later she’d miscarried.
She fought back the sob rattling her chest. When she was told she was having a boy she’d started thinking of names and in private moments called him TT. Tiny Thurston. She had wanted to share the news with Mac and had worried that by the time he returned, she would have had their son without him.
Wiping the tears from her eyes, she finished the rest of the coffee before forcing her mind to remember something else...namely that phone call she had received from the man who’d been her grandparents’ attorney and the news he’d given her. The couple she’d sold her ranch to, close to twelve years ago now, were putting it on the market. According to the terms of the contract, they had to give her the first opportunity to buy it back. At the time she’d made that stipulation, she didn’t think they would go for it, but the Jacobins had wanted to buy the ranch badly enough to agree with her terms. And of course, she’d thought they would never sell the ranch, but according to her grandparents’ former attorney, because of Mr. Jacobin’s failing health, they had no choice.
For her, that offer was a dream come true. She’d only been given ten days to take it and it had to be done in person. Unlike when she’d sold the ranch, she and Mac now had the means to buy it back. But the time frame meant the decision had to be made without Mac’s input. So, she had.
She had weighed the advantages against the disadvantages and, in the end, she’d decided that buying the ranch would be good for her family. A bigger house. More land for their kids to spread out and enjoy. Getting back to nature. A way to supplement their income after Mac retired, if they decided to raise cattle for market.
Remembering her days spent on the ranch while growing up, she wanted the same kind of memories for her girls. There were good schools in the area and although most of the neighbors who’d been her grandparents’ friends had passed on, their heirs were people Teri had grown up with and whom she looked forward to sharing friendships with again.
Teri had figured she wouldn’t be gone but for a day and appreciated her neighbor and friend Carla for agreeing to watch the kids while Teri flew to Terrell, Texas, to finalize the sale. The day after she returned to Virginia was when she began having stomach pains. Within twenty-four hours, she’d lost the baby. Although the doctor claimed her traveling had nothing to do with it, she couldn’t help wondering if it had.
She’d gained the ranch she’d thought lost to her for good, but lost the baby she’d never expected to have.
Losing the baby had been hard and she appreciated her in-laws for their love and support during a very difficult time for her. She’d tried pulling herself out of the slump she’d felt herself slowly sinking into, and when she’d been nearly at her wit’s end, she’d called her in-laws after her grief counselor suggested she get away for a while.
Had the home she’d repurchased been empty she would have gone there, but the sellers had asked to remain in the house three months before they were required to move out. She had no problem with that since Mac was gone on a mission and she didn’t want to move their family to the ranch without letting him know what she’d done. She could just imagine Mac returning home to find a for sale sign on their home in Virginia without knowing all the details of why.
So here she was trying to deal with a number of things and wishing her husband was here with her. But then, maybe it was a good thing he wasn’t. She believed he would understand how she felt about losing the baby and give her all the support and love she needed, but there was also the issue of the ranch she’d purchased. Would he understand that she’d done what she felt she had to do in the time limit she’d been given? They’d talked about getting a new house, but how would he feel about moving from Virginia to Texas? To the house that used to be her childhood home?
The other piece was that she’d paid a lot for the purchase, deciding to pay cash instead of getting a mortgage. How would Mac react when he found out she’d used their money to do so, without consulting him?
All those questions with no answers were issues that had