Elspeth wondered why she was meant to have all the answers. Just because she was the one doing the gestating? But the answer suddenly seemed straightforward enough—not that that made it easy.
‘Well, if we both want to be involved in this baby’s life, then I guess we ought to get to know one another,’ she said.
Then Elspeth’s phone buzzed; she glanced at it and gave a start.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I have to get back to the surgery. I’ll call you soon and we can arrange something. We’ve got lots still to talk about.’
* * *
Fraser stood as Elspeth did, and for an awkward moment he didn’t know whether to offer his hand or lean in to kiss her cheek. A look of alarm on Elspeth’s face betrayed that she was as confused as he was and she took a step backwards, making either action impossible.
‘We’ll speak soon, then,’ Fraser said. ‘Look after yourself,’ he added.
And look after our baby.
He didn’t say it out loud, but she must have known that he was thinking it. He was still trying to get his head around the fact that he was going to be a father. What would his mother say? She’d be excited—he had no doubt about that. But he was pretty sure that this wasn’t how she’d imagined it happening, with a woman he had only known for one night of passion, and with whom had he had no intention of settling down.
Not that Elspeth wanted to settle down either. He’d breathed a sigh of relief over that—the fact that she didn’t want a relationship any more than he did. But there was no question that it would make the whole ‘practicalities of parenting’ thing harder. He had no intention of being an absent father, but he didn’t want to live in the city either. Which meant he’d better get used to being in his car, driving in and out of Edinburgh’s busy roads on a—what? A weekly trip to see his child?
It wasn’t going to be enough, he realised. He didn’t want to miss a day of his child’s life. He wanted to be there for all of it.
A shudder went through him as he thought about what his father had missed out on when he’d chosen his stepmother over him. All those years he had lost that couldn’t be retrieved. Fraser was not going to let that happen to his baby. His child would always know, unquestioningly, that his father loved him. His child would always come first.
At least he and Elspeth saw eye to eye on that one. He thought back to what she had said about her family—her responsibilities. He had to respect the choices she had made. They were the choices he wished his father had made. Choosing family and responsibility over the passion and lust that everyone knew would fade a couple of years into a relationship.
Emotions like that could not and should not be trusted. They certainly shouldn’t be the basis of important life decisions.
So why did his mind and his body have to torment him with reminders of just how much passion and lust he had felt for Elspeth? He was trying to make smart decisions. Trying to do the right thing, But all his brain cared to remind him of was how good it had felt to be with her. How satiated and content he had felt, exhausted and sweaty, with her lying in his arms. How still he had felt in that moment, just holding her close.
But it couldn’t happen again. Because he’d seen how the lure of those feelings clouded judgement and screwed up priorities. His only priority now was his child. And that meant that any thoughts of a rematch of that wedding night had to be shelved. If there was one woman in the world that he couldn’t have, it was Elspeth.
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