Austin cupped Julie’s cheeks and her eyes closed. Moonlight ran down her neck like water. She moved closer, her face tilting, lips opening and, unable to resist, he captured her mouth and kissed her. The sweet taste of her exploded on his tongue, electricity jolting wildly through him, heat bursting in his belly.
The years apart dissolved and he lost himself in the moment. Everything gone but the feel of her pressed to him, her lips against his jaw as he nibbled on her ear.
“I’ve missed you,” he groaned, realizing he’d been fooling himself into thinking he hadn’t. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” He rested his forehead against her temple and breathed. “So long. You’re just—”
When he stroked her jaw, she jerked back, blinking.
It seemed as if she was going to say something, but no words came when she opened her mouth. She dropped her head in her hands, unable to conceal how her features had all squeezed shut, or the pain leaking out of every part of her face.
Austin heard a rustling in the bushes. A pair of red eyes blinked before vanishing again—a witness to his crime. Austin’s stomach churned with guilt.
“No. No no no no no.” Julie bolted to her feet and backed away before fleeing to the parking lot so fast it looked as if her feet were on fire.
Knife stab, center chest. Did he say knife? It was more like an ice pick. He felt pinned to this awful moment like a dead insect. Why had he kissed her? Taken advantage of her weak moment?
His shoulders bowed, laden with guilt.
* * *
JULIE KICKED OFF her shoes the next day, drew her knees to her chest and rested her heels on the edge of one of the hotel’s overstuffed library chairs. Her eyes drifted across the books packing the floor-to-ceiling shelves, the worn leather jackets as old as the lodge. How many lives did they chronicle? Love stories that triumphed and those that failed...like hers...again.
Air spun out of her. It disturbed the dust motes floating in the column of early afternoon light emitted by the gingerbread stained-glass windows. With a warm fire sparking to life in the brick hearth, a wicker basket of white-paper birch logs beside it, this should be a soothing spot. Exactly why she’d escaped here after ending her engagement with Mason, the two of them breaking the news to their shocked parents and announcing the canceled wedding to the bridal party and guests assembled for breakfast. Their event planner, Grace, had lived up to her name, calmly assuring them that she would handle everything and not to worry.
But how could Julie stop worrying when Mason looked so flattened? It broke her heart to hurt him, but he deserved better than a woman who’d kiss another man just days before her wedding.
Out in the hall, a group of adults and children passed by the open doorway singing “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” Julie sank into the chair, grateful when they passed without missing a note. Christmas. How happy they sounded. The merry family she’d longed to form...only not with Mason, after all.
After tossing and turning all night, she’d showered and dressed. Exhausted but certain. Kissing Austin last night had been a mistake in every way but one. It had proved that she couldn’t marry one man when she so easily returned the affections of another. It wasn’t fair to Mason.
She’d blamed jitters for her doubts. The version of married life she’d glimpsed in the picture, making her question what she’d wanted...
In Austin’s arms, however, her ambivalence evaporated. For a heart-stopping instant the world clicked into place, her worries about the unknown silenced as she reveled in that moment with him. Everything in her had gone quiet and peaceful and right...like walking into a familiar house where she recognized everything. Could find her way around in the dark...
She pressed her palms against her eyelids, and her tense shoulders rose. She was a horrible, horrible person. Had betrayed Mason, a wonderful man. Reality was crushing and the world was a wrong-size shoe. How could anyone stand it? How could she?
An old lit class quote came to her. The heart wants what it wants.
Nevertheless, she knew better than to selfishly hurt others.
On the other hand, if she hadn’t kissed Austin, she might have strung Mason along as she had Austin, drowning them both in her uncertainty. No. As Austin had said, better to get the pain over with fast. As much as it had hurt to tell Mason, a small part of her felt better for the clean break, especially after she’d told him the truth about kissing Austin.
For Mason, that was nonnegotiable—as it should be. He deserved better and he’d find it.
Now, if only she could find Alexis, who was still grappling with her transit issues and wouldn’t arrive until later today. She desperately needed to talk to a friend, but even Claire had been unavailable, unable to leave Meghan who’d woken with a bad asthma attack.
Julie pulled down the afghan draped across the chair top and tucked herself into its square corners.
When she’d left Mason, his cousins were corralling him into a snowshoeing trip and he’d looked more than ready to get away. Since he missed today’s checkout time, he, his family and her father would stay another night and leave by eleven tomorrow.
It stung that her dad would abandon her. But she understood when he’d explained that he felt guilty about leaving the free medical clinic a doctor short now that the wedding was off. He’d insisted she and her mother stay until Christmas Eve, however, since the inn’s spa treatments helped her mother’s MS symptoms. At least some good would come out of this, he’d sighed, after giving her a kiss.
At the low squeak of an opening door, she turned. Noelle pushed a stainless-steel cart laden with domed plates and a teapot. She wore a gorgeous outfit. A striped straight skirt. Vintage floral sweater. Red leather belt. Paisley scarf championed with attitude. Her auburn hair swished around her beautiful, serene face and filled Julie with longing. What she would give for that inner peace.
“I’m on break and thought I’d stop by. Bring you some tea and scones.”
Julie returned the woman’s kind smile, her mouth trembling with the effort. “I’m not hungry, but thanks.”
Still, her nose twitched at the tart cranberry smell when Noelle drew closer and pulled off a metal top to reveal a grilled panini and Caesar salad, as well.
“Just a little something? Our chef, Dominic Vitelli, made these. He had that cooking show...”
Julie perked up. Of course, she’d heard of the celebrity chef. He’d hosted a reality food show, one of her favorite programs. She grabbed a warm scone and nibbled on the crunchy top, the sweet, sharp taste making her suck in her cheeks and savor the treat before she swallowed.
“Wow. Really good. I can’t believe I’m eating something made by Dominic Vitelli. Why is he in Lake Placid? Did his show get canceled?” Despite her problems, her curiosity was piqued.
“May I?” Noelle gestured to the seat opposite Julie and sat when she nodded. “Personal issues, I think, but he seems happy. How about you? Are you doing okay? I’m sorry about what happened.”
The baked good dried on Julie’s tongue. She poured two cups of tea and gulped the orange-flavored liquid before answering. Not that she knew what to say...
The events leading up to this crisis seemed unreal. Fantastical. Not at all the measured, logical steps she’d used to march through most of her life. Why had she kissed Austin?
Because I wanted to came the unbidden thought.
Her racing thoughts roiled inside her and flew from her mouth before she could stop them.
“I kissed another man last night.”
Julie studied Noelle’s