Her forehead creased. “People will talk.” She pushed herself out of the swing, hips swaying provocatively as she began to pace.
Chase stayed where he was, admiring the view. “A lot less if we’re married,” he predicted.
Merri looked at him as if she knew that was true.
“You already asked me if I wanted to stay at the ranch with you and the kids.” He stood and ambled over to join her.
Her hand encircled a post. “Temporarily. And your first instinct was to refuse.”
She smelled like lavender again. Lavender and woman. “Things are different now. We have a lot more on our agenda.”
“No kidding. Look, Chase, I get that we could handle this unofficially, and not get married, but…I don’t want to live with someone again, without being married.”
I don’t want to feel used, unappreciated, not good enough.
Aware that he was scrutinizing her closely, she continued, “The problem with just living together is that it gets too complicated.”
“I agree if I’m to take on the dad role—us getting hitched and becoming a ‘traditional family’ is the best solution.”
On the surface, from a strictly practical point of view, his suggestion was workable. The ranch house had four bedrooms, only two of which were currently occupied, and comprised four thousand square feet. It was more than big enough for the two of them.
The problem was the enforced intimacy of sharing space. The fact that she was already terribly attracted to Chase and would have to be in his presence at all hours of the night and day. With vows exchanged and wedding rings on their fingers, and the whole world thinking they were husband and wife in a very conventional sense, it would be easy to believe their union was more than a means to an end.
Once before, Merri had deluded herself into thinking that proximity plus friendship and desire would grow into something wonderful. She had ended up feeling terribly disillusioned and disappointed, when Pierce finally admitted he didn’t really love her and didn’t want to marry her. She didn’t want to put her heart on the line that way again, only to be rejected in the end.
Trying not to think what Chase’s steady appraisal and deep voice did to her, Merri said, “When I made the offer for you to move in, I was doing so as one extended family member to another.”
He lounged against the side of the house, opposite her, his hands folded against his chest. “You’re worried our relationship wouldn’t stay platonic.”
Well, duh. Merri stared at him, knowing a guy so virile and sexy had to have needs, too. Stubbornly, she kept her eyes locked with his even as her heart raced like a wild thing in her chest. “Aren’t you?”
He shrugged, considering. “I think we’re both adults and could handle whatever happens. Or doesn’t.”
Could they? Was she older and wiser now? More adept at limiting her emotional vulnerability? Certainly, she had lost the naivete that had made her believe in fairy-tale romance and happy endings for everyone. Merri gripped the porch railing. “So if I wanted to avoid physical intimacy…”
He squared his shoulders, suddenly looking like a knight charged with protecting his queen. “We would.”
Now who was kidding whom? She hadn’t had a man in heaven knew how long. The way Chase was looking at her…the place he had come from…indicated he was feeling equally deprived. Still, from a purely technical standpoint, it was a win-win solution for both of them. Especially Chase.
Up to now, he had been dealt a very bad hand in all this. Merri felt for him, and wanted to make it up to him, in whatever way she could.
“How long are we talking about?” she asked cautiously. She had lived with Pierce five years. And in the end, lost a big chunk of her prime child-bearing years to a relationship that culminated in pure heartache. Had it not been for having guardianship of the twins, she wasn’t sure what she would have done.
Chase’s big body began to relax. “A year? Maybe less. It all depends on how fast the twins acclimate to the idea of me being their dad.”
Although the pair had been wary when they’d first greeted him, Merri knew they’d warm up to him a lot more quickly than he probably thought. “And once they do,” she prodded, taking a deep breath as she searched for other pitfalls, “then what?”
He frowned, all protective male again. “If we’re happy—and I have every faith we will be once we all adjust—then we stay a family.”
Merri cautioned herself not to be overly optimistic about that. “And if one of us…wants more than a mere arrangement?” Such as enduring love, which had always eluded her in the past. “Then what?” she prodded.
“We can always divorce,” he said simply.
Merri groaned in dismay.
He shrugged, looking ready for whatever came. “People do it all the time. The kids would adapt to that, too.”
Merri drew another breath as her pulse picked up a notch. “Is that what you want?” She studied him. “A hasty marriage followed by a broken family?”
“What I want,” Chase groaned, “is for this not to have happened. For Sasha and Scott not to have betrayed me. Or put either of us in this impossible situation.” He grimaced. “Since I can’t undo their mistakes, I guess I want what I’ve always wanted. A wife who will stand by my side, and a family to come home to every night.”
He paused as they both reflected on that. Merri realized they were closer in outlook than she’d thought.
“But—” Chase sighed “—that hasn’t happened.” He shrugged his broad shoulders. “It may never happen. Let’s face it, Merri. I’m thirty-six…”
Achingly aware she needed to be realistic, too, she murmured, “I’m thirty-four.” And her own fertility was waning by the day.
Their gazes met.
“Maybe it’s past time to quit waiting for everything to be perfect,” he said simply.
Merri thought about what he was proposing. She struggled to contain her shock. “Together,” she affirmed softly.
He rubbed a hand across his jaw. “Arranged marriages have succeeded on a whole lot less.”
With a beleaguered sigh of her own, Merri said, “I think this is more a marriage of convenience.”
“Whatever.” Briefly, irritation creased his handsome features. “You get my drift.”
She did. And the most startling thing was that his suggestion didn’t feel nearly as outrageous as it should. Maybe because she was disappointed in the hand fate had dealt her thus far, too. She was tired of waiting for the once-in-a-lifetime love that might never happen for her. And depriving herself of all the things she wanted in the meantime.
A contentious silence fell between them.
Merri figured as long as they were discussing this, she might as well put it all out there. She folded her arms. “Okay, let’s pretend for a moment that the family part works out great. What are we going to do about sex?”
Because if she was honest, she could easily see herself succumbing to his considerable charm. Whenever she was close to him, she felt a zing of chemistry between them.
Chase narrowed his eyes. “If it happens, it’s consensual. And only with each other, as long as we’re married.”
“I agree anything extramarital would be a very bad idea.”
He cleared his throat and folded his own arms, the motion drawing her eyes to the muscular contours of his chest. “The point is, we can’t do anything about the time I’ve already