Sure, he had hardly looked at her for a few more years, but by the time she’d turned fourteen, he’d given her her first kiss. By the time she was fifteen, she’d given him everything.
Part of her wanted that life again—where the only cares she had in this world were how she could slip out without waking up her mom to steal a few more hours with Nick. But there was no going back, and there was nothing outside but a full moon. Nick had come back only twice in the past six years—when he graduated from law school and for his brother’s high school graduation. She’d asked him to stay that first time, while the scent of their sex still hung in the air. “Stay with me,” she’d said, and even now she cringed at how pathetic the words had sounded.
“Babe, I have a life now,” had been his reply. He’d said it gently, like he knew he was tearing her heart out with a single swipe. True, he’d told her she could stay with him if she came to Chicago, but it was the kind of halfhearted offer that begged not to be taken up.
No, he had a life now. A life that didn’t include her or their homeland.
She got back into bed and checked on Bear. He was curled into the little baby ball that had his bottom sticking up into the air.
Tanya smiled. She didn’t need Nick’s money or diamonds or houses. She didn’t need any of that stuff, as long as she had her son. She was tied to this land by blood—the blood of her ancestors and the blood of her son. She couldn’t abandon this place because that would be the same as abandoning part of her soul.
She couldn’t leave.
Not even for Nick Longhair.
By the time she got home the next night with Bear in tow, Tanya was beat. Nights like this made her wish that she could afford a television and pizza delivered to her door, because Bear was being clingy and her head hurt and the three hours until Bear’s bedtime seemed like a month.
The whole week, all Nick had done was walk in, give her “the look” and disappear into his office. He didn’t ask for coffee, tell her to make copies or demand to talk to her. Despite her resolution not to fall under his spell again, she still found herself daydreaming about him at least trying to sweep her off her feet. He’d corner her in the conference room, shut the door and press her against the wall. If she closed her eyes, she could actually feel the length of his body against hers—the way they fit together as effortlessly as they always had. He’d kiss her until she couldn’t breathe. Of course she’d rebuff his advances—in her fantasy, she could just walk away from him.
Reality was different. Would it kill him to at least notice her? She couldn’t even be in the same room with him—for however short a time—without being painfully aware of him. As much as she tried to hate him—and heavens knew she tried—she couldn’t shake the hope that somehow, some way, they’d go back to the way things had been. Despite having a child now, a big part of Tanya still felt like the same girl she’d always been—the girl who loved Nick.
But no. Maybe she’d just guessed wrong about him. This new-improved Nick wasn’t the slightest bit interested in the same-old Tanya. Why would he be? She wasn’t model-perfect, rich or anything else like the women he’d probably spent all his free time with back in the big city.
Maybe this was just how it was going to be, she thought as she boiled the water for the mac ‘n’ cheese. They’d just keep pretending like they’d never been in love. She’d keep Bear’s existence quiet. They’d be like sicas, spirits, passing through each other’s lives. It could work.
This way of thinking lasted until she put Bear down at eight. She read him a story, sang him his bedtime song and rubbed his back until his little eyelids closed. Finally, she thought as she shut the door behind her and sagged against it. Exhausted as she was, she needed at least a half hour of peace and quiet before she went to bed. She trudged down the short hallway that separated the bedroom/bathroom half of the house from the kitchen/living room half, turned the corner and let out a scream.
There, sitting on her couch, was Nick Longhair. His tie and jacket were gone and his shirtsleeves were cuffed, but otherwise, he looked exactly like he had when she’d last seen him this morning. Next to him sat a robin’s egg–blue gift bag.
A jumble of thoughts ran through her head. She was positive she’d locked the door. He looked horribly out of place on her ratty couch. Had he noticed the laundry basket of toys on the other side of the room? Damn it, why did he have to look so good? What was in the bag? She felt like hell and probably looked worse. Which all came out as, “What are you doing here?”
He sat there, giving her that same damned look for what felt like an hour. Did he think she would throw herself at him? If so, he had another think coming. “You look good, Tanya.”
Part of her all but vibrated with the compliment. For a delusional second, she wasn’t a schlumpy mom with mac ‘n’ cheese in her hair, but the crazy-in-love girl Nick had wanted. Oh, how she had missed the way he made her feel. She’d missed being that girl.
The other part of her didn’t like where this was going. If he thought he could just waltz into her house and expect her to fall into his arms only to see him waltz right back out of her life for another two years, he could go to hell. She’d even buy him a handbasket. “What do you want, Nick?”
“I brought you a present,” Nick said, sounding completely unconcerned with her rudeness. He stood and handed the bag to her.
She didn’t want to look. Well, she did, but she was afraid that it would be something weird or stupid and that would further grind her fantasy about Nick’s return into the dust. She was also terrified it might be something really nice, but she wasn’t sure why. “It’s nice to see you didn’t forget about the tradition of bringing gifts.”
“I didn’t forget about a lot of things.”
The way he said it—all serious and intent while he looked as if he’d spent two years wandering in the desert and she was a tall, cool glass of water—sent another spike of heat through her body.
She should not let his good looks and generous gifts and intense gazes get to her. He’d not only ignored her for two years, but he’d also ignored her the entire week. She needed to stay strong and make sure she protected herself and her son from the kind of heartbreak that Nick seemed to specialize in. Nick would leave again, as sure as the sun rose and set, and Tanya would have to pick up the pieces. It was bad enough picking up her own pieces. She didn’t want to have Bear shattered, too.
She would not be seduced. Now she just had to keep telling herself that. “Gosh, you could have fooled me. Why are you really here, Nick?”
A shadow flashed over his face, but it was gone as quick as it had come. “I picked it out for you.”
Her hands were shaking, which was irritating. Why was she so nervous about this? In the space of a second, she found herself wishing she was taller, thinner, smarter and more reserved. But she wasn’t. Except for the extra baby weight, she was exactly the same girl she’d always been. And that girl hadn’t been enough for Nick.
She opened the bag. Inside was a huge bag of Skittles and a pink elephant with a big, blue bow around its neck.
Tanya’s throat closed up as her eyes began to water. She tried blinking, but the tears kept forming.
“It was our first real date, remember?” She was startled to hear Nick’s voice so