What was going on with him? How could he want her so badly?
He had no idea, but he didn’t have time to deal with it now, and maybe never. Stifling regret, he picked the keys up and walked out.
They loaded the car after lunch, did a final sweep of the lodge for missed possessions and set off on the six-hour drive back to Suffolk. She was in the front beside Ed to give her room to stretch her foot out, and Matt was behind her with Sam and Beth, with Lucy, Dan and Vicky in the rear.
She sighed quietly, and Ed shot her a searching look.
‘Are you OK?’
She nodded. ‘Yes, I’m fine. Well, apart from feeling guilty for getting the best seat and ruining everyone’s day.’
‘You do a lot of that. Feeling guilty. You don’t need to, at least not around me. It took you and Matt out and distracted Sam enough that Beth and I won, so I’ve got no beef with you,’ he told her with a grin, then his smile gentled. ‘Livvy, why don’t you just close your eyes and rest? You’ve had a tough day.’
She nodded, wishing again that she hadn’t fallen, that she hadn’t kissed Matt again in the bedroom and made things awkward, that she was sitting beside him and taking advantage of the last few hours they had together, instead of being in the front with a damaged ankle and a feeling that she’d overstepped the mark with that kiss.
Would he want to see her again? Maybe, maybe not. If his phone hadn’t rung, what would have happened? Would they have made love? Maybe, and that surprised her because she didn’t do that sort of thing. It hadn’t even been on her radar for the last five years, but she’d never fallen into bed with someone she knew so little and certainly not after only three days of casual flirting, but maybe he didn’t do that sort of thing either, because when Sam had called him, he couldn’t get out fast enough. Had she read him wrong all weekend?
Highly likely, judging from his reaction, although he’d been with her all the way when they’d been kissing—or she thought he had. His body certainly had been, but maybe not his head.
Well, it didn’t matter, the moment was gone, the bullet dodged, and it was just as well because there were things he didn’t know yet—things she’d have to tell him before this went any further. If it was even going to, and she wasn’t sure she was ready for that.
Probably just as well his phone had rung, then.
* * *
What was wrong with him? Why was he reacting like this?
She was right in front of him, so close that the scent of her shampoo, so familiar now, was drifting over him and taunting him just like it had all weekend.
How could he want her like this? He didn’t even know her—and three days under Sam’s embargo of any personal information or discussion of life back home or in the hospital hadn’t helped with that at all. She was still an unknown quantity. And if he knew nothing about her apart from that she was Oliver’s daughter, she also knew nothing about him, about his life, his family, his motivations, his commitments.
He could have told her, could have broken the embargo and spilled his guts, but he hadn’t wanted to. If he was honest, he’d enjoyed the freedom of simply being himself, without all the baggage that went with it, but there was no way he could take it any further than a mild flirtation without her knowing a whole lot more about him. It wouldn’t be fair, it wouldn’t be honest, and there was a world of difference between being frugal with the truth and denying the most important things in his life.
And anyway, he had nothing to offer her, nothing that wouldn’t be an insult.
He rested his head back and closed his eyes, but she moved her head and the scent drifted towards him again and there was no escape.
Halfway back they stopped for a drink and a leg stretch. Ed and Sam swapped places, and yet again she wasn’t next to Matt, who was now right in the back, as far away from her as he could get. Why hadn’t he offered to drive? Was he avoiding her? Maybe, after that excruciatingly embarrassing remark she’d made, not to mention the way she’d kissed him afterwards. She still couldn’t believe she’d done it, it was so unlike her to take the initiative, and she’d probably embarrassed the life out of him. Oh, well, they’d be back soon and she’d see then if she was right or not.
Finally Sam pulled up in front of her house and Matt climbed out, retrieved her rucksack and helped her into her house, then paused on the doorstep looking troubled.
‘Will you be OK on your own?’
So he was avoiding her, or he’d offer to stay with her. Sucking up her disappointment, she straightened her shoulders and plastered a bright smile on her face. ‘Yes, I’m fine. I’ve got friends round the corner if I get stuck.’
‘You’re sure? No headache, no abdominal pain, no spinal issues? Numbness, tingling anywhere?’
She sighed. ‘Matt, I’m fine,’ she said patiently, and he gave a brief nod.
‘OK. Get checked over tomorrow, won’t you—or sooner if...?’
He hesitated a moment, his eyes locked with hers, and for a fraction of a second she thought he was going to kiss her, but then he smiled wistfully and reached out and touched her cheek, brushing it lightly with his knuckles. ‘It’s been a lot of fun. Thank you, Livvy. Take care.’
And with that he turned and walked down the path and got back into the car, and Sam pulled away, leaving her staring after them as they turned the corner and disappeared.
She closed the door with a sigh, hopped into her sitting room, lowered herself carefully onto the sofa and put her foot up.
So that was the end of that, then. So much for hoping something more might come of it. He could have stayed, or offered to come back after Ed had dropped him off, but he hadn’t, and all she could do was accept it. Not that she was looking for a relationship, in any way, but it would have been nice to be asked. Nice to be more than just fun.
Unless he was...?
Oh, idiot. He was married. Hence the guilt in his eyes, the reluctance, the harmless dalliance that didn’t break any vows but just made it a bit more fun.
That word again.
She rested her head back, closed her eyes and swallowed her disappointment. She was tired. Tired, confused and sore. That was all. And it wasn’t as if anything had really happened...
Her phone rang, and she answered it.
‘Hi, Dad. How’s things?’
‘Fine. How are you? How was the weekend?’
Confusing...
‘Great. I’m just back, actually. It was fabulous. Well, until this morning on the way up to Haystacks when I fell off the edge of a path and twisted my ankle.’
‘Ouch! Are you all right? How did you get down?’
Fast, but that wasn’t what he meant and she wasn’t telling them she could have tumbled all the way down to the bottom of the scree slope if it hadn’t been for the rock. ‘Carefully,’ she said with a wry laugh. ‘Two of the guys helped me back to the path, and then Matt carried me down. You know him, he’s one of your old registrars. Matt Hunter? He’s a consultant trauma surgeon at Yoxburgh, and he was my teammate.’
‘Matt? Wow,’ he said softly, something slightly odd in his voice that puzzled her. ‘How is he?’
Even more puzzling. ‘He’s fine. Why?’
‘I just wondered. I haven’t seen him since his wife died.’
She felt a slither of cold run down her spine. ‘His wife died?’ she said, her voice hollow, because she’d just worked out he was married, but he wasn’t, or at least not any