“It doesn’t happen often,” Noah whispered, “but sometimes, I’ll get so involved with a patient that I forget. I forget how I lost her. In some ways, I wish it happened more.” He closed his eyes, letting the sun warm his face and fighting back tears. “Is that wrong, do you think? That there are moments I just want to forget? Not forget Ginny or Julia, really, but just to have a bit of respite from the grief?”
He opened his eyes. “But I suppose it is wrong. My memories are my punishment. I don’t deserve to forget, do I? Why should I when I’m still here and they’re gone?”
He swallowed. “There are days when I hate Julia for doing what she did. And there are other days when I envy her. I wish I’d been able to find the courage to do the same thing.” He paused. “But that’s not right. I’m here because I have to make amends. I need to save the others even if I couldn’t save Ginny.”
The burden of this confession overwhelmed him. It brought no relief to speak it aloud. John’s eyes had slipped closed, and Noah wasn’t sure if he was asleep or simply resting. It didn’t matter. He prayed that John had peace now, even if Noah didn’t. That would have to be enough.
* * *
THE DAY AFTER Tessa’s first interaction with Dr. Noah Brennan, she purposely avoided him. She knew Ana wanted them to work together, but she wasn’t up to dealing with the man’s disapproval. She used her morning in other ways instead, writing up several grant applications on the hospital’s behalf and getting a start on the email campaign she had in the works.
Tessa kept the door to her office closed, and to her relief, Ana didn’t pop in to check on her. She liked her new boss, but she didn’t need more pressure where the hospital’s all-star doctor was concerned. By noon, however, Tessa was ravenous. She’d had no appetite that morning, so she’d skipped her early walk with Rufus and hadn’t had her tea latte. Before heading out the door, she’d grabbed a tea bag, and later found a crumbled packet of crackers, two mints and a sealed snack bag of gummy bears that she kept for Zoe and Molly in her purse. It had made for a poor breakfast, and now her stomach was rumbling so loudly she feared the sound of it would draw Ana to her anyway.
By 12:07, she knew she had to give up and venture to the hospital commons. She hoped she wouldn’t run into Ana and have to answer questions as to how she and Dr. Brennan were getting on. She grabbed her wallet, peeking her head out of the office before she made a dash for the main lobby of the hospital and then followed the walkway to the atrium that housed the commons cafeteria.
It was peak lunch hour, and the tables were filled with visitors, nurses, doctors and other staff members. Feeling like the new kid at school, Tessa got into the line and waited, scanning the area for free seats. She could always take her lunch back to her office, but it would be far easier to hide out here, with so many people. Tessa had noticed that Ana often worked through her break, so it was probably safer to be out of her office at the moment.
Once she had her chicken Caesar salad and fruit cup, she looked for a place to sit. She perked up when she saw a small table with only one other occupant. She headed in the direction of the vacant seat, hoping the diner would be willing to share their spot. She was nearly upon the table before she recognized the person sitting there.
Dr. Noah Brennan. She stifled a groan. Then again, if she wanted to keep this job, maybe she should make an effort to get to know him a little better. As she was working up the courage to sit, he looked up and met her eye. She forced a smile, the decision made for her. “Mind if I join you?” she asked, gesturing with her head to the empty seat.
His expression didn’t change, nor did he respond for what felt like a full minute. But then he dipped his head, and she moved forward to slide into the vacant chair.
“Thank you,” she offered. They were both silent for a few minutes.
Tessa picked at her salad, realizing her appetite had disappeared. She felt awkward and miserable and again marveled at Dr. Brennan’s utter lack of people skills. How were they going to work together when they couldn’t even sit at the same table without the atmosphere becoming uncomfortable?
She put her fork down and shifted to face him.
“I feel like we got off on the wrong foot,” she said. “I’m sorry about how I spoke to you yesterday and for what happened at the Lighthouse Café.”
He didn’t respond, but she noticed something in his posture, an easing of the shoulders, so she took it as a good sign and continued.
“I adopted Rufus—that’s my dog—a couple of weeks ago, and I’m still training him.” She smiled at the thought of her pet. “Rufus has a good heart, but sometimes he gets a little too excited...especially when food is involved.” She chuckled to herself. “You should have seen him at the animal shelter where I worked. He always knew when feeding time was getting close. I swear, that dog has an internal clock. If we were one minute late getting the food to him, he would start barking to remind us.”
She smiled at the memory. Rufus had been overlooked because he was a little homely and he seemed gruff. But the truth was, he was the sweetest dog she’d worked with during her time at the clinic. It was why she’d taken him with her when she left.
“You worked at an animal shelter?”
Dr. Brennan’s voice was so unexpected that it took a moment for it to register that he’d spoken.
“What? Oh. Yes. I mean, I did. Before I got this job.”
He cocked his head, and she felt compelled to justify her experience.
“I worked there for a little less than two years. Before that, I was a pediatric nurse at a physician’s office.”
Dr. Brennan pushed his plate aside and looked at her. His eyes were a dark gray, “storm-tossed,” as she’d read in a novel once. She was struck again, as she’d been in the coffee shop, by how handsome he was.
“That’s quite a shift, from pediatrics to pet care,” he said.
His gaze was curious, and his interest rattled her.
“Not just pet care,” she corrected. “The animal clinic also assists abused animals and finds foster placements. In fact, that’s a large part of what they do.”
He continued to eye her with curiosity. “Still, what caused you to make a change like that? Unless...it wasn’t your choice?” he prompted, arching one eyebrow.
She frowned at his implication.
“It was my choice,” she said firmly. “I had a...crisis of faith, I guess you could say.”
It was the truth, without revealing the details. He waited a beat, then when she didn’t elaborate, he looked away...but not before she witnessed a flash of some emotion in his eyes.
“I see,” was all he said.
She poked at her salad again. “Anyway, after I left pediatrics, I took a step back and decided to work with animals. Then I saw this job opening. During college, I spent summers working at my dad’s investment firm as a marketing intern. I even worked there after college for a few months until I moved to Findlay Roads. I had the qualifications for this kind of role, so I thought I’d give it a shot. And here I am!” she awkwardly declared, her voice too loud on the last few words.
She speared a piece of lettuce and forced herself to take a bite.
“How about you?” she asked in an attempt to be conversational.
Dr. Brennan’s head whipped back in her direction but he said nothing.
“How did you end up here?” she asked.
Instead of replying, he stood and gathered up the remains of his half-eaten lunch. She swallowed, the lettuce sticking in her throat.