“It is, too, my business. Elias is my son. If some other man is around him, I have a right to know.”
“A right?” She sputtered and her hands fisted. He’d never known Raven to be violent but a lot could have changed in ten years. Even though he doubted her personality had changed that much, he didn’t want to test that theory, so he took a step back.
“Yes. I’m Elias’s father.” Raven sucked in a breath and Donovan spoke quickly before she could get wound up again. “I’m not saying this the right way.”
“No kidding.”
“Let me try again. I’m still in a state of shock here, so if I’m fumbling for words, I apologize.”
“You’re not the only one. I’m reeling myself.”
“I’m grateful to you for having my son. For raising him. I don’t know enough words to tell you how much. But he’s my son, too, and I want the opportunity to be a part of his life. I want to get to know him. Spend time with him.”
She shook her head. “So you think you’re just going to waltz back into town and into Elias’s life and act as if you haven’t been missing in action for the past decade? Is that what you’re saying?”
“I know I haven’t been a part of Elias’s life, but I want to be. I’m back now.”
“For how long?”
“I’m staying.”
Raven put a hand on her forehead. He wished he could know what she was thinking but maybe it was best that he couldn’t. His head was so full that he didn’t think he could hold another thought. “I haven’t seen or heard from you in ten years, Donovan. Ten years. Surely you don’t expect me to just let you hang out with my son. I don’t trust you that much. Or at all, really. For all I know, you could take my son and vanish for another ten years.”
“Our son. And no. I don’t expect you to let me take him places. At least not yet. But I do want to get to know him.”
She paced the room for several stressful minutes. Finally she looked at him. Her expression was firm, her eyes steel. “I’m not going to tell him who you are right now. That’s not debatable.”
Donovan was disappointed at Raven’s pronouncement but squashed the urge to fight with her. She already harbored animosity for what she believed was his callous disregard of her feelings. Arguing with her over this wouldn’t help. So he’d allow her to make the rules for now. Besides, it might be easier to get to know Elias if he didn’t know Donovan’s true identity. He might resent Donovan for being absent all of his life. It might be better to build a relationship than to tell Elias the truth. That way, if Elias was upset, they would have established a bond, making it easier to deal with his feelings.
“Okay.”
“And another thing. You aren’t going to be alone with Elias. If you’re with him, then so am I. Again, that’s not negotiable.”
Donovan nodded, keeping himself from smiling. He’d often thought of Raven over the years. On those endless, lonely nights when he’d longed to come home, memories of time they’d spent together kept him going. Though he’d never stopped hoping he’d be able to come home one day, he’d never let himself believe he and Raven would ever be together again. Now she was insisting on it. He knew she wasn’t saying they spend time together because she missed him or wanted to take up where they left off. She didn’t trust him. Still he was anticipating the next few days and weeks. “Okay. So when can I see him again?”
She breathed out a sigh. She looked drained. “I don’t know, Donovan. You’ve shaken up my life. You’re back from the dead and wanting to be a part of our son’s life. I need a minute to think about things and get my bearings.”
“That’s fair.” Truth be told, although he wanted to start spending time with his son and Raven immediately, he needed to get his bearings, too. He’d gone from trying to catch up with his first love to discovering he was a father in under an hour. Not to mention that he was home again, his exile over. Sure the changes in his life were all positive, but he still could use time to process everything.
“I’ll call you in a couple of days and we can set up something.”
“Okay.” He gave her his cell phone number and had her call him so he’d have her number, too. Once they’d saved each other’s info, she walked out of the room in a none-too-subtle hint that it was time for him to leave. When they reached the door, she held it open. Before he stepped through it he touched her hand. Their eyes met and held. “Thanks again for my son.”
Raven watched from the window as Donovan walked to his truck. She needed to make sure he didn’t turn around and come back. She had to make sure he was gone before she loosened the reins on her emotions. Only after he’d driven away did she allow herself to sag into a chair.
Donovan was alive. She’d always believed she’d know if he wasn’t, but recently she’d started to think her belief was simply misplaced hope. But he was alive and living next door to her. Lucky for her next door in a ranching community didn’t mean the same thing as it did in a town. He couldn’t see her as she came and went about her day so she’d still have the privacy necessary to maintain some semblance of order in her life.
Order in her life. That was a joke. Her life had spun out of control the moment she’d opened the door and seen Donovan standing on the other side. It had been a dream come true until it wasn’t.
She gritted her teeth, holding back the angry scream that was fighting to get out. She’d held on to her love for all those years—worrying about him—and he’d been fine. Happy and healthy. She couldn’t believe the man she’d loved had done that to her. But he had.
She’d waited for an explanation, hoping he’d give her a reason for vanishing from her life, but he hadn’t even tried to explain. Perhaps because there wasn’t a reason for hurting her that way. Or maybe he thought he didn’t owe her an explanation. Maybe she’d made more of their relationship than had actually been there. Perhaps she’d been the only one in love.
She needed to get out of there. The minute her parents got home from the grocery store, Raven asked her mother to keep an eye on Elias then she saddled Evening Dream, her favorite horse, and headed across the grass to a spot she knew she wouldn’t be disturbed. When she and Donovan had been young and in love, they’d spent blissful hours in their special place. Once he’d disappeared, she couldn’t go there without thinking of him and breaking down, so she’d found a new location where she could have a bit of peace. Somewhere she didn’t associate with Donovan. She’d ridden her entire ranch until she’d found a field where her soul felt at rest. It was as far away from the Cordero ranch as she could get while staying on her property. That’s where she headed now.
Evening Dream seemed to instinctively know where Raven wanted to go, so she let her mind wander as the horse crossed the ranch at a leisurely pace. When they reached the boulder where Raven frequently sat to think, she dismounted and let Evening Dream drink from a nearby spring. Rather than sit, Raven picked up long blades of grass and began to split them. When the silence became too much for her, she leaned back, lifted her head and let out a long scream, voicing all of the stress, confusion and pain churning inside her. Her yell startled several birds, sending them flying from their tree and across the cloudless sky. Evening Dream looked up and stamped her foot in disapproval before resuming her drink.
Raven brushed hair out of her face and was surprised to discover moisture on her cheeks. Sinking to the ground, she began to sob in earnest. She wasn’t exactly sure why she was crying, but she knew part of