Sawyer took the verbal lashing. He had been secretive about his clinic, about his life there. For one thing, Sam wouldn’t have approved. For another, Sawyer’s decision to leave the Circle H—in part because of his feelings for Olivia—had been immature, and though he didn’t regret opening the clinic, he was sorry for the way he’d left things at home. Not sharing much about Kedar had been a way to avoid dealing with how he’d treated his family. He wasn’t proud of running out on them, but it was obviously his MO.
Logan wasn’t finished. “After Mom and Dad died, you and I were never apart for more than a day or two until you left here for good. Left me with the Circle H,” Logan said. “And that’s all I get from you now? Some weak excuse? I mean, what’s the point of living in a place like you describe?”
“I like to help people. I don’t belong here anymore.”
“What are you, really? Special Ops—and you don’t want us to know? A spy?”
He didn’t smile. “I’m just a doctor.” Or I was. He wouldn’t elaborate. If Logan couldn’t accept his apology for nearly missing his wedding day, he could live with that. He had a bigger guilt to wrestle with—and that was on him alone. He wasn’t about to share. “Listen. Just as you asked, I’ll stay with Sam while you and Blossom take your honeymoon. I hope you have a great time.” He held his breath. “We okay, then?”
Logan shrugged. “I’ll see how you do while I’m gone. Think I’ll try to get some sleep,” he said, then turned and went up the stairs.
Sawyer let out a sigh. But he wasn’t alone for long. Logan had no sooner disappeared than Olivia came down the steps. She looked wan, exhausted, and Sawyer didn’t want to face her, not after their earlier conversation.
“You look beat. You can have my room, Olivia.” The words sounded strange to him. Sawyer hadn’t slept there in over nine years, but the wallpaper, the bedspread, the pictures on the desk were still the same. He’d left that room, this ranch, behind a few days after Olivia married his brother.
He tried a half smile. “I’ll take my pillow, though, if you don’t mind. Took me a long time to get that punched down just the way I like it. I’ve missed that.” Missed you, he thought, but he could never say so and certainly she didn’t feel the same way about him.
Olivia cleared her throat. “Fine. Or I could take this sofa.”
“Wouldn’t hear of it. You need a good night’s rest.”
“You don’t?”
“I’ll need to check on Nick periodically.” He already dreaded that. The boy wasn’t his responsibility and yet tonight he was. Being near Nick made him more than uncomfortable, afraid he’d do something wrong again, maybe with catastrophic results. Yet he owed Olivia—and had for years.
“Thank you, Sawyer.” The sound of his name from her lips made every muscle in his body tense. “This certainly isn’t a holiday for you. Leaving your busy practice, coming back for Logan...ending up with another case on your hands.”
“For tonight.” For you, he thought. He paused. “I’m not really practicing medicine now. While I’m here to help out at the Circle H, I’ll need to make some decisions about my future.”
“You wouldn’t go back? To wherever you’ve been?”
Sawyer hesitated, then mumbled something vague about Kedar. Their friendship had ended, she’d married his twin brother instead...and Sawyer hadn’t been the same since.
“Don’t know,” he said. “Don’t need to know right now.”
Olivia glanced down at the rug, then up again. Her eyes held his. “There must be some reason for your indecision.” She waved a hand as if she were indicating his clinic, which seemed unlikely. She didn’t know about what had happened there.
Sawyer had told Logan enough for one night. He wouldn’t enlighten Olivia. No one else had to know about his mistake—not this far removed from the clinic, and certainly not at the Circle H, where he’d experienced the other two worst moments of his life. Losing both his parents at once and, later, driving Olivia away.
Anyway, he wouldn’t be able to get the words out without crumbling into pieces. Olivia was the last person he’d confide in. He couldn’t risk showing her his weakness, which would only reaffirm what she must still think of him.
“I need to check on Nick,” he said and started for the stairs.
BY THE NEXT MORNING, Nick seemed much better. Olivia was not. Although she felt relieved about her son, a glimpse in the bathroom mirror had showed her a too-pale woman with dark shadows under her eyes. At the kitchen table, she sipped coffee and made plans to leave the Circle H as soon as Nick finished his cereal.
His face had color again and he continued to shovel in his breakfast as if he might never see another meal. Sometimes he astonished Olivia with the amount of food he could take in, which should have eased her mind. Her growing boy.
“Eat up, punkin. We need to go. I have an appointment out of town today.”
Nick spoke around a mouthful of Cheerios. “Who’s going to watch me?”
With school out for the summer, she’d have to rely on her usual babysitter, but in last night’s chaos she had forgotten to double-check. “Susie,” she said.
Olivia yawned. She hadn’t slept well in Sawyer’s bed, imagining his scent in the room, surrounded by the trappings of his younger life. And worried about Nick, she’d only dozed, waking with a start each time to wonder if he was okay.
Once in the night, she’d met Logan in the hall with the same intent to see their son, and another time she’d nearly run into Sawyer. Her mind foggy, Olivia had hurried back to her room.
“Why can’t I stay here today?” Nick asked, nearly knocking over his orange juice. “I could ride Hero.”
His new horse was a bone of contention for Olivia, who hadn’t been consulted before Logan bought the gelding. She’d been working on becoming less protective of Nick but had a hard time keeping her mouth shut about this. Logan argued he’d rather see their boy on a steady mount than trying to handle one of the other, sometimes unpredictable, horses already in the Circle H stables. He was too big now for a pony.
She had to admit the gentle gray gelding with a showy black mane and tail took good care of Nick. She shouldn’t worry, not about that at least.
“No Hero today for you.” Logan had appeared in the kitchen doorway, and Olivia appreciated the backup despite wondering how long their united front would last. “Nicky, that’s not a good idea. Grandpa Sam will set you up with the TV instead. You can watch a movie, play a video game...”
Nick gave him an assessing look. “Daddy, I want to ride.”
Logan smiled at Blossom, who had joined him in the doorway. They both wore a visible glow this morning. He caught Olivia staring at them.
“A different wedding night than we’d planned,” he admitted. “We both passed out as soon as our heads hit the pillows. We’ll be talking about that for years.” On his way by, Logan ruffled Nick’s hair then headed for the coffee maker. “I know you’re feeling better, but you took quite a spill last night. Hero can wait for a few days. Okay?”
Nick didn’t answer. He crunched more cereal. Obviously unhappy, he refused to look at Logan, and Olivia saw the little frown between his brows that, in such a young face, always clutched at her heart. She set aside her coffee cup, then rose from the table.
“I appreciate the offer to keep Nick, but I’ll see that he plays quietly today at home,” she said, making a mental note to call Susie. Olivia turned to Blossom, who was pouring