“And when you’re not at work?”
She thought about work. Or ate chocolate ice cream. Or went to the gym to keep in shape for work.
“I hang out with Meri and Max,” she said. Wayne knew them both. He’d been instrumental in saving Meri from her fiend of an ex-husband. He also knew that Max had once been married to Chantel’s best friend, Jill. And that Jill had died on the job, saving another cop. “The baby’s over a year old now, and Caleb’s four. I watch them at least once a week so Max and Meri have time to enjoy each other.”
Because she’d never seen a love like the one they shared.
Wayne was still watching her, his glance more focused than she liked. He was a great detective.
Partially because, when he looked, he could see things most people missed. Uncomfortable with that eye turned on her, she shored up her defenses again.
An instinctive maneuver, not a conscious choice.
“I’m a woman, Wayne. I love children and nurture them. I have friends. I go to the beach...”
“Have you been out on even one date since you’ve been here?”
Chantel thought back. Had it really been over a year since she’d moved from Las Sendas up to Santa Raquel?
“I’ve been busy finding a place to live, setting it up, spending time with Max and Meri, staying in shape, getting up to speed on the High Risk team. It’s not like I’ve had a lot of spare time.”
“You’re thirty-two years old. If you’re going to have a family, you should start thinking about doing so...”
“You and Maria don’t have kids.”
His head dropped enough that she couldn’t see his expression. “We’re trying,” he said, leaving her to wonder if they were having problems conceiving.
“You’re human, Chantel,” Wayne said, lifting that gaze up to pierce her again. “Young and healthy. It stands to reason that at some point...”
“Hold it right there.” Her voice hard as rocks, it was her turn to stare down. “Before you say something we’ll both regret...”
But why shouldn’t he express his concerns? She wanted to be one of the guys, and guys talked about sex all the time.
If she weren’t the cop in question, if they were talking about someone else, she might even share his concerns.
“Look.” She softened her tone. Remembered that she was talking to her friend. And recognized that he had a point. She’d proved it for him with her less-than-stellar behavior. “I admit that the idea of having someone to go out with is...not unpleasant. I’ll even go so far as to admit that Colin Fairbanks is extremely...easy...to be with. I like him. But you have nothing to worry about.”
“Forgive me, but those statements give rise to concern rather than alleviate it. And you know as well as I do that telling me not to worry raises more concern because I have to wonder if you’re in denial.”
Calm now, Chantel nodded. “I know. But I’m not. Listen, Wayne, like you said, I’m thirty-two years old. And yes, I’m healthy, of course I have sexual feelings, and maybe it would be easier if I could visit a male strip club now and then, but I’m just not into that.” She grinned, and then, serious again, said, “I’m thirty-two, not twenty-two. I’ve had relationships. And painful breakups, too. Life experiences teach us things, and I’ve learned some things along the way. Two of them...”
She stopped. Feeling a little stupid, sitting there ready to share her innermost thoughts with another cop.
“You’re going to tell me what they are, right? We’re just waiting for you to get there?”
Guy talk, Harris, she reminded herself. And was struck with the thought that she was hiding behind it. Which was ludicrous.
It bothered her—that she’d think such a thing. She loved her job. And really liked having male friends...
“I’m assuming one of the broken relationships, and lessons learned, had to do with Max?”
“What? No! Why would you think that?”
“Don’t insult me or cheapen our friendship, Chantel. Either be honest or tell me to go to hell. But don’t sit there and lie to me.”
“I learned something from Max, yes, but not one of the two things I was talking about. And there was no breakup. That’s the honest-to-God truth.”
She couldn’t lose Wayne’s respect. It was one of her most valued assets. Clasping her hands together, she faced him fully. “You’re half-right. I did think I was in love with him. But it started long before Meri’s disappearance last year. I fell in love with him when Jill did. And when I saw her putting the job before him, risking her life unnecessarily while he was at home trusting her to keep herself safe...it was the one time I really had a problem with her. I’m not saying that what she did...saving that rookie’s life... It was the right thing to do. I’d have done the same. So would you have and any officer worth his salt. But there were times... I don’t know, it was just like Jill thought she was invincible or something...”
Picturing her friend, in uniform, with a grin on her face and a gun in her hand—just after shooting practice when Jill had hit three bull’s-eyes—Chantel’s gut clenched with a longing that nearly killed her. Like when Jill had first died.
Would she and Max have ended up together if Chantel hadn’t been too lost in her grief to pursue him?
“Anyway, so, yeah...when I came up here to help him last year, the old feelings...they were still there. But seeing him with Meri, or rather, not with her, seeing how much he believed she was in serious trouble, when all of us were certain that she’d left him of her own free will, seeing how hard she fought to stay alive, to get out of that house when she should have been passed out on the floor—I’d never felt anything like that. But I knew, then and there, that I wanted it and that I couldn’t accept anything less. I’m not going to date a man until I feel something more for him than a desire to not be alone.”
She looked at him, expecting derision, and instead met the serious expression on his face.
“You think I’m nuts, don’t you?”
“No, honestly, I feel sad for you.”
“Because I’ve never been in love?”
“Because you didn’t even recognize what love is.”
“You’re telling me that you believe in being in love?”
“Of course I do. Why do you think I was ready to jump off a roof when I thought I’d lost Maria all those years ago? And why do you think she took me back?”
“Because I was pretty damned persuasive?”
“Probably.” He grinned. “But also because she’s in love with me as much as I’m in love with her.”
Damn. So it happened more than once in a blue moon. Who’d have guessed?
“Jill wasn’t in love with Max like that.” Jill had been turned on by Max. She’d loved him. But she hadn’t been in love. Chantel, as her most trusted confidante, was certain on that score.
So, well, she had hope, then. Maybe someday...
“You were going to tell me about the two things you’d learned.”
Right. Thanks for the reminder, Stanton. She didn’t have a hell of a lot of hope. Maybe someday... Not. Maybe when hell froze over.
“First, I’m attracted to alpha men. You know, the strong, protective types. The ones who rule the world.”
“Aren’t all women?”
She didn’t think so.