When Cole had first coined the nickname Red, he had made it sound like the best kind of compliment, his own special name for her, said with the utmost affection. She hadn’t dreamed such love existed—at least not for her. Even as a boy, Cole had changed everything for her.
But yesterday when she’d wandered into the Haddons’ office with her mind on the incoming teenagers, she’d discovered that boy had become a man.
And Red?
Uttered from his frowning lips and tight jaw, the word no longer sounded like a compliment.
Cole was hardly recognizable from the youth he’d once been. He’d sprung up several more inches in height. His shoulders had broadened and his voice had deepened. His skin was weathered. He was clearly a man who spent his time outdoors.
But it wasn’t so much the physical changes that had shocked her most. It was his attitude, his bitterness, the ice in his gaze. While it felt as if his emotions were gathered in his eyes and flung right at her, she knew he couldn’t possibly still be carrying that big a grudge against her. Yes, she’d hurt him. She would be the first to admit that. But too many years had passed since then. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but there was...something else. What had happened to him that had put such a big chip on his shoulder?
Whatever it was, it wasn’t any of her business. He had a family now.
She refused to acknowledge any hurt that went along with that news. Why should it bother her? Her feelings for Cole had long since been carefully packaged away, deep in the recesses of her heart. She rarely even revisited them anymore. Mostly. Except for those rare instances when loneliness overtook her and the dark of night stretched before her.
She snorted and rolled her eyes at her own foolishness. When had she become so melodramatic?
“Are you okay?” The smooth tenor voice of her friend Marcus Ender, the male counselor at the ranch, came from behind her.
Tessa hadn’t heard him come in, and she jumped in surprise.
“Don’t do that to me, you jerk,” she admonished him good-naturedly, laying a hand over her hammering heart. “And to answer your question, yes, I’m fine.”
She attempted to paste a smile on her face, but Marcus tilted his head and cocked one dark blond eyebrow.
“Now, why don’t I believe that? Come on, Tessa. I’ve known you too long for you to try to pull one over on me. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
She swallowed air and nearly choked on it. “To be entirely truthful with you, I kind of have.”
Marcus’s other brow darted up to join the first.
“Cole Bishop is in town.”
Tessa and Marcus had known each other since their undergraduate years, when they were both pursuing psychology degrees, and had been good friends ever since. He knew the whole sad story about what had happened between her and Cole and the way things had been left when they parted.
“Oh, wow,” Marcus replied with a low whistle. “Do you know how long he’s staying? Is he here on leave to visit his family?”
Her throat hitched. “No. He’s back for good. He’s got a son—a family. And the worst of it is that Alexis hired him to work at the ranch.”
“Seriously? Why would she do that? Doesn’t she know the history between you and Cole?”
“That’s the odd thing. Alexis knows exactly what happened between us. She was there when it all played out.”
Along with every other resident of Serendipity.
He shook his head. “I can’t imagine what she was thinkin’. Then again, I’ve never been very good at interpreting the female mind.” He crossed his eyes and flashed a goofy grin.
Despite everything weighing her down, Tessa laughed. Marcus always knew how to make her feel better.
“Speaking of female minds, why don’t we try to get you out of yours for a while? I’m running into town to get a few things from Emerson’s Hardware before we have the staff meeting this afternoon. You want to come along?”
She hesitated, pursing her lips. “I don’t know. I won’t be very good company.”
“What if I bribed you with one of Phoebe Hawkins’s red velvet cupcakes from Cup O’ Jo’s? Smothered in chocolate frosting?”
“A cupcake? And my favorite? You’re not playing fair.”
“When have I ever?” he tossed back with a wink.
Tessa knew he was right. She tended to overanalyze every situation, and this one was a humdinger. There were things a woman could change and things she couldn’t, and there was no sense worrying about what was out of her control. At the end of the day, the good Lord had the final say. That’s what she often told the girls she was counseling, and yet now she was struggling to take her own advice.
Emerson’s Hardware, only a few minutes from Redemption Ranch, was located on Main Street, right next door to Cup O’ Jo’s Café. All of Main Street looked like something out of an old Western movie, with colorful clapboard siding and old-fashioned signs dangling in front of the stores.
While Marcus dawdled in the hardware section, Tessa wandered over to gardening to see what was new. Living in the girls’ bunkhouse as she did, she had neither the place nor the time for a garden, but she imagined that someday, when she had a home of her own, she’d enjoy planting vegetables and spending quiet time landscaping with flowers around the place.
When she had a home of her own.
Realistically, was that ever going to happen?
What a difference a day made, if that day meant Cole Bishop had walked back into her life. Even the thought of having a family now tore at her heart. What was once a pleasant, if distant, dream of the future had suddenly become a nightmare. She hadn’t realized until she’d seen him again that he’d still been part of her vision. His face had never been replaced by another.
Shaking her head to dislodge her sadness, she found Marcus at the register, where he was wrapping up his purchase.
Edward Emerson, an older man dressed in the same bib overalls as the two men slouched in the wooden rocking chairs just outside the door, smiled at her as she approached.
“Hey, Tessa. Good to see you. Can you do me a favor and tell Cole the feed he ordered is loaded in his truck and ready to go whenever he is?”
“I...I don’t—” she stammered, but Edward went on as if she hadn’t spoken.
“If I’m not mistaken, he’s at Cup O’ Jo’s showing off that new baby of his. Cute little tyke. Bald as a cue ball.” Edward chuckled.
Tessa inhaled sharply. Cole’s son was an infant. Her stomach churned like a combine at hearing the news, creating a whole new set of aches. Her thoughts flew together like a tornado picking up everything in its path. Thoughts that didn’t belong together but still tore through her. Her failure with Savannah was too recent, and Savannah’s baby was never far from her mind. She’d once thought she’d be the one bearing Cole’s children. But now Cole had a son of his own, and his and Tessa’s lives were completely separated.
She had to pull herself together, and fast. Cole had just become a father, and he’d come back to settle down. It made perfect sense. He had moved on, and so had she. And yet she had no desire to find Cole right now, not when it meant she was going to have to meet his family. She was so not prepared for that moment. Not right now.
Not ever.
“We’d be glad to,” Marcus answered for her, giving her a friendly nudge with his shoulder.
“I’m not ready,” she whispered hoarsely as they exited the store. “Did you hear