Memories had returned to haunt her as they sometimes did when she was tired or tense or both. Seeing Jeremy had brought it all back—those days when every moment had seemed of earthshaking importance, when the world had revolved around her and her friends and their hectic lifestyle.
Or so she had thought.
She’d learned a harsh lesson the year she and Sammy broke up. The love of her young life had been horrified when she’d told him she was pregnant. While she wasn’t sure why the birth control pills had failed, other than she’d had a terrible cold and stomach flu that spring, she hadn’t seen it as a huge problem. Although a college dropout, Sammy had had a good job in construction.
Just as her father had at the same age. Now her dad owned his own construction company and made lots of money. True, that had happened much later in his life, but she’d envisioned her and Sammy working together and making their marriage a huge success…as opposed to her parents’ failure.
Why had she thought she was so much smarter and more capable than her mom had been at her age?
The confidence, or arrogance, of youth, she answered the question and surprisingly again felt the quick sting of remorse as she considered her mother’s life.
Caileen had dropped out of college and married at nineteen. Zia had been born ten months later. They had lived in a van, traveling around the country to the best surfing spots, her mom working at odd jobs while her dad did construction.
After nearly five years of roaming, her mom had moved into an apartment and worked for the university while finishing her degree in counseling. She’d also worked as a dishwasher at a local restaurant at night. The boss had let her bring her child with her. Some of Zia’s earliest memories were of sleeping in the storage room off the kitchen, surrounded by huge cans of food and hundred-pound sacks of potatoes.
She found herself smiling at that memory while an ache settled in her heart. Odd, to be so emotionally unsettled today.
Taking a new job as curriculum planner and coordinator for the county was a step up for her, one she was excited about, but a big responsibility. Perhaps that was the reason she felt so nervy.
She dressed in navy-blue slacks and a white shell, then laid out a long-sleeved shirt to take with her since the desert nights were usually cool at this elevation, which was over five thousand feet. She twisted her hair up on the back of her head and secured it with a butterfly clip before putting on a light foundation, eyeliner and rose-hued lipstick.
She still had twenty minutes, so she settled in a floral-covered rocking chair to wait, her thoughts once more on the past.
Six months after her fourth birthday, her parents had separated. They’d quarreled over money, over staying in one place, over her, over everything that touched their lives. Her fun, surfer-king father had walked out.
It had taken a long time to forgive her mother for that, and even longer to realize her dad had also made a choice and that it hadn’t included his wife and daughter. It wasn’t until she was alone, pregnant and worried about the future that she’d understood something of what her mother had gone through while trying to provide a healthy, stable home for a child who was asthmatic—thank goodness she’d outgrown that malady—and having to count every penny, plus getting in study time, too.
How had she withstood the stress and pressure and loneliness of those years?
Closing her eyes and resting her head on the chair back, Zia felt the familiar regret at her impatient defiance of Caileen’s rules and advice against a serious involvement during her first year of college. All the signs of Sammy’s self-absorption had been there, as her mom had pointed out, but she’d refused to see them. She’d been pretty self-centered, too.
Ah, well. What was done, was done.
She’d been foolish and naive at nineteen. At thirty-three, she hoped she was wiser. And a better person—
A knock on the outside door interrupted her musing.
Jeremy felt he could do no less than invite Zia out to dinner on her first night in town, especially since her mom had called and asked him to make sure Zia arrived okay. He would do anything for Caileen and his uncle Jeff, who had formed the stable home base every kid needed while growing up. His feelings for them ran deep.
Zia, on the other hand, had always seemed rather remote and aloof. However, he hadn’t been around her all that much, so he really couldn’t say. After Jeff and Caileen had married, Zia had gone to live in another state and work in her father’s construction company office while attending the university there. She and her mom hadn’t been getting along at the time.
In the fall, he’d left, too, going to the university in Boise on a math scholarship. Now, fourteen years later, it looked as if he and Zia were going to be residents of the same town. He wondered briefly if this would be a problem, but decided there was no reason for their lives to overlap more than in the past.
After finding out which room Zia was in, Jeremy went to the outside door and knocked. She answered at once.
As usual, her stunning beauty—five-nine, slender physique, long naturally blond hair, blue eyes—made his throat close for a second. The same thing had happened when he’d first seen her.
As a high school senior, he’d taken a college history course, intent on getting out on his own as soon as he finished his schooling. Zia had been in the class. That first day, all the guys had nearly fallen out of their chairs when she walked in with a friend, laughing and talking, seemingly unconscious of the picture she made.
He had to give her that. While most women would have used such great natural beauty to their advantage, Zia acted indifferent to hers.
At the time, he’d had no idea their lives would become entangled before the school year was over.
“Hello,” she said, opening the door and pulling him back into the present.
Her scent enveloped him as he returned her greeting. While her perfume was sometimes floral, as at the wedding, or sometimes on the spicy side, as now, there was always a hint of freshness about her, as if she embodied springtime.
“You were right about needing food.” she told him with a rueful grimace. “I skipped lunch, then ate cheese crackers while sitting in traffic. Now I’m starved.”
He nodded at her small talk and waited while she gathered her purse and a shirt for the evening, then escorted her to the four-wheel drive SUV so necessary for his work in a country of deep canyons, dry washes and towering mesas.
“The Green River steak house is a local favorite. We try to keep it a secret from outsiders,” he said after they were on their way.
“I promise not to tell anyone about it.”
He smiled and relaxed at the mock seriousness of her quip. She was in a better humor now than when she’d first arrived. He’d always felt that she avoided him whenever possible…well, actually she avoided the entire family other than very brief visits on special occasions, such as being asked to take part in the wedding as Krista’s maid of honor.
For a second his insides tightened painfully as he envisioned the angel dressed in blue who came down the aisle before the bride. He’d hardly been able to tear his gaze away. Odd, but in some ways, it was almost as if Zia hadn’t been present, as if her spirit had fled and left only the incredibly lovely husk of her body to carry out her duties.
When he’d danced with her at the reception, she’d stared over his shoulder at some distant view invisible to lesser mortals. He’d puzzled over her remote attitude, but if she preferred to remain aloof from the rest of them, it was her loss.
However, later, before Krista and Lance left on their honeymoon, he’d overheard Zia whisper, “Be happy, Krista. Find something in each day to bring joy to you and Lance.”
When they waved the couple off, he’d caught an expression