There were times when Serena thought that Ryan understood her perfectly. And then, there were moments like this one, when she realized they lived in completely different worlds.
Ben, on the other hand, understood the life of a professional actor, the choices she’d had to make, the difficulties of being a celebrity. That’s one of the reasons why she’d agreed to marry him.
“Tell me about this man of yours,” Ryan said, stretching out on the blanket. He lay on his side and watched her silently, as if he were able to read her mind.
“I don’t want to talk about Ben,” Serena said, shaking her head.
“You’re marrying him in a few weeks. I’d think you’d want to talk about him. Or the wedding. Or your plans for the future.”
She didn’t want to argue with him if he was determined to force the issue. “All right, what do you want to know? Ask me anything. I can tell you about the flower arrangements and the groomsmen’s gifts. I can describe my dress and—”
“Why are you not wearing your ring?” Ryan said, pointing to her hand.
“I—I left it in my room,” she said. “I didn’t want to lose it.”
“Is that the real reason?”
What did he want her to say? Did he want her to admit that she was attracted to him? “No,” she finally said. “I guess I just wanted to forget the wedding for an afternoon.”
“Are you having doubts?”
She laughed softly, then covered her face with her hands. “It’s too late to have doubts, Quinn. I can’t back out now. Everything is planned. And I already have a reputation as a reckless nitwit—a reputation that was well earned when I was younger. But that’s not me now. People are just starting to take me seriously.”
“Is that why you said yes?”
“I also really wanted to believe I was in love and that I could finally have something...normal. That I wouldn’t be alone anymore.”
“So call it off,” Ryan said.
She couldn’t look at him. If she did, she wouldn’t be able to resist him any longer. She was fighting so hard against this attraction. It should be easy, but there was something so comforting about him. Though she barely knew him, Serena sensed that she could trust him.
“My life would be a shambles if I did.” She sat up, drawing a deep breath and gathering her resolve. “I’m going to get married. And in a year or two, if it becomes impossible to carry on, I’ll get a divorce. No one will be surprised. Hollywood marriages never work out the first time.”
“And that’s what you think you deserve?” Ryan asked.
“No. But it’s my fault I let it get this far. It’s a runaway train now. I can’t stop it without the entire thing going off the rails. So many people will be upset with me.”
“But it’s your life,” Ryan said. “You do what makes you happy.”
“How many people are really happy with their lives? We all make sacrifices and compromises,” Serena said. “Are you completely happy with your life, Quinn?”
Ryan considered her question for a long moment. “Not entirely,” he said. “But I’m planning to make some changes.” He cursed softly, shaking his head. “So, where should we put this hut? Over there? Or there?”
Serena lay down, stretching out opposite him and meeting his gaze. “Why aren’t you happy?”
“There have been lots of changes lately.”
“Like?”
“Both of my brothers are settling down and getting married. I’m not real happy with my job. I need a change, but I can’t afford to do what I want to do. And then, my brothers are trying to talk me into climbing Everest, and I’m not real keen on the idea.”
“Isn’t that what you do?”
“My father was a climber and he died on Everest. They found his body last spring and we’re supposed to go up there to retrieve his personal effects. But it’s opening a lot of old wounds that never completely healed.”
“Wow,” she murmured. “And I thought my wedding problems were bad.”
She placed her hand between her and Ryan, her fingers splayed across the blanket, just inches from his face. Serena wanted to touch him, to run her hand over his face. Her fingers trembled and a moment later, Ryan covered her hand with his.
It was such a simple point of contact, and yet it seemed even more intimate than a kiss or a caress. How much longer could she fight this attraction to him? It was wrong, yet it felt right. But was it real? Was she just transferring her hopes for normalcy and belonging from Ben to Ryan? Or was there something between them that went beyond a sexual attraction? That was the question Serena couldn’t answer.
“It’s feels so odd when you touch me,” she murmured, her gaze fixed on his hand. He drew his hand away, but she caught his fingers and laced them through hers. “Am I cheating?”
“I don’t know,” Ryan said. “Are you?”
“I feel like I am.”
“Then we should stop,” Ryan said.
She yanked her hand away and sat up. “You’re right. We should probably go. It’s getting late and the girls are going to wonder where we are. Miles is probably ready to call the local police.”
“Would it make it easier if I left Fiji?” Ryan asked. “I can. I’ll call one of my brothers, and he could be on a plane in a few hours, to take over. I can assure you, they’re not nearly as charming as I am.”
Serena knew she ought to accept his offer. It was the only safe thing to do. But in her heart, she didn’t think it would make a difference. She’d already started down this road—the road away from Ben and toward Ryan—and with every step, she was more determined not to turn back.
“No,” she said. “We can control our impulses. But maybe we should make sure that we don’t spend a lot of time alone.”
“You’re right,” he said. “If the girls don’t want to come along, we’ll bring Miles.”
“It’s a plan,” she said.
“There is one thing I’d like to say before we leave.”
“Do I want to hear it?” Serena asked.
“Probably not. But I’m going to say it anyway. You deserve to be happy. You deserve everything good in life, and you shouldn’t settle for anything less.”
“So you think I should call off the wedding, Quinn?”
“I can’t tell you to do that,” Ryan said.
“Of course you can,” Serena countered. “Just say it. Say ‘Serena, call off the wedding.’ It’s not that hard. Everyone has an opinion.”
“Everyone does.”
“Say it,” Serena insisted.
“I can’t. I won’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I have less noble reasons for saying something like that. Because I want to kiss you again. I want to touch you without feeling guilty. And I don’t want to be the bloke who ruined your wedding.”
Serena stood up. “See? This is my problem. No one ever tells me the truth. They only tell me what they think I want to hear. I can’t make my own decisions. I never have been able to. I’m the princess of self-doubt. And now, when I am finally ready to make a decision, everyone is telling me not to. So just give me the truth. Tell me that I can