She didn’t even realize she’d been jabbing her finger at Ben’s chest until he cradled her hand in his. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I seem to be messing up a lot today.”
He was certainly messing up her self-control. First fainting like that, and then going ballistic on him.
And now, with his fingers enclosing hers, she felt something new—the stirring of attraction. Her unexpected reaction threw her. The aching need to be held, to be comforted, to be loved threatened to overwhelm her.
Her startled gaze met his. This close to him she could see flecks of green in his hazel eyes, could see the laugh lines at the corners of his eyes, could see a faint scar along the right line of his jaw.
The warmth from his fingers sent treacherous longings through her. It had been so long since she’d felt this powerful tug, this whirlpool of dangerously seductive sensations.
She couldn’t give in. She had to be strong.
But that was hard to do given the fact that her emotions had been dangerously close to the surface ever since her brother’s death. More and more she felt as if she were being buried alive beneath a pile of problems too insurmountable to overcome.
She knew she couldn’t give in, she knew she couldn’t give up. She had Amy to think of.
Just thinking about her little girl gave Ellie strength. Amy was the best kid on the face of the earth. And Perry was the scum of the earth for not realizing that and cherishing and protecting his little girl, instead of abandoning them when he found out two years ago that Amy had asthma.
No, Ellie, had to be strong, not just for herself but for Amy. She couldn’t be distracted by sexual chemistry.
Belatedly tugging her hand from Ben’s, she repeated her earlier statement. “I have to get back to work.”
“Why won’t you let me help you?”
Because then I might become dependent on that help and when you leave, the situation would just get worse. Been there, done that. Aloud, she said, “Because, it’s best that I stand on my own two feet.”
“So you’re telling me that you have so many friends, that you can’t use another one? You can depend on me, Ellie. I didn’t just track you down to say hi, and then walk away. I’m here for the long-term.”
“You’re a Marine, Ben. You don’t stay anywhere long-term. Your life belongs to the Corps.”
“I’ve got a new deployment relatively nearby, at Camp Lejeune. So I will be nearby. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
His smile was charming, his tone of voice encouraging. But she’d heard it before. Perry telling her she could count on him, that he’d always be there for her. Talk was cheap.
No, she had to be strong, she had to rely on herself only.
As if to prove that he was just as determined as she was, Ben stayed at Al’s Place until her shift was over. He held the door open for her as she left, and insisted on walking her to her car, which looked like it was held together with baling wire.
The ten-year-old Toyota certainly wouldn’t win any beauty contests—not with its multicolored body, a majority of which was green, except for the passenger doors which were silver. A friend of a friend knew someone who did cheap body work, and when someone had slammed into her car while it was parked in the supermarket lot, she didn’t have the money to get it fixed. Contacting her auto insurance company was out of the question because that would only raise her premiums, which she barely scraped out now.
“How many miles do you have on this thing?” Ben asked, as if suspicious it couldn’t go another mile without falling apart.
There were mornings when it refused to turn over that she wondered the same thing. “The odometer stopped working at 199,999 miles. It may not look pretty but it gets me from point A to point B.”
“Are you headed straight home?”
She nodded. She was too tired to argue with him anymore.
“What about dinner?”
“What about it?” she countered.
“Would you and your daughter join me for dinner tonight? My treat. I hear there’s a great steak house near here.”
Being strong only went so far. She was down to her last package of macaroni and cheese and one oversized generic-brand can of green beans, which was what they’d had for dinner last night.
Tomorrow was payday so she’d be able buy more food then. But tonight…
Steak? When was the last time she’d had steak?
What was the harm in going out with Ben just this once? Amy would get a good dinner. Surely it wouldn’t hurt.
What would hurt would be to believe that Ben would still be here a week from now, or two weeks. To believe his charming words, to fall for his sexy good looks. That would be a huge mistake. One the formerly weak Ellie might have made when she still believed in happily-ever-after.
But the new Ellie knew better. No matter how good his hands had felt on her, no matter how seductive the chemistry might be, the only thing she could count on was that Ellie had to take care of Ellie. And take care of her daughter.
That was the bottom line, that was where her focus was and would remain…no matter how attractive Captain Ben Kozlowski was.
Chapter Two
“So what do you say?” Ben’s voice was coaxing. “How about dinner? Will you and your daughter join me?”
Ellie was tempted, so tempted. She wavered. Macaroni and green beans again for dinner…or steak. Saying yes didn’t have to mean giving in. It didn’t have to mean that she was weak. It could mean that she was being strong enough to look at this situation realistically, objectively. Having one dinner with Ben was not going to change her, wasn’t going to make her a believer in happily-ever-afters.
“Come on. I could really use the company.”
He made it seem like he was the needy one. She wondered if that was a deliberate tactic on his part. Trying to make it seem as if she’d be doing him a favor by saying yes instead of making it seem like he was taking pity on a charity case.
Which would make Ben more empathetic than she’d expected. But then there had to be something okay about Ben if her brother had liked him. Johnny had been a pretty good judge of character most of the time. Like her, he didn’t trust easily. But he’d trusted Ben.
Thinking about Johnny hurt so much. But Ellie refused to show it. She’d played a weepy wimp enough for one day. It wasn’t a customary role for her. She’d had to be tough to survive the foster care system and not let it grind her up. Being tough included learning how to keep her emotions under wraps, how to hide her pain.
Ellie had few vulnerabilities. Her brother and her daughter. That was it.
And now her brother was gone. Which meant Ellie had to work even harder to do the right thing for Amy. Ellie’s stomach growled, reminding her that she had to take care of herself or she wouldn’t be any use to Amy. “Okay. I accept your invitation.”
Ben smiled. “Outstanding. I’ll follow you home and then we can leave from there.” Standing beside his big burly black Bronco, he stared at her means of transportation with distrust.
But Tiny the Toyota had always been there for her. She’d had the car since she was in college when she’d bought it used. Her husband had come and gone, but her trusty vehicle was still with her. Ready to take her wherever she needed to go, provided