Anyway, she certainly didn’t intend to sleep with him again. She had been bitterly hurt by his rejection and had no intention of placing herself in the same position again, even though, if she was honest, it hadn’t been an unpleasant experience at the time. Her cheeks burned at the thought and she hurried on.
‘I wrote to you, Vincenzo, and sent the letter to your apartment in Milan. I don’t know why you didn’t receive it but I definitely sent it.’
‘Neither do I,’ he began flatly, and then stopped.
‘What?’ Lowri demanded, because it was obvious that he had thought of something.
‘I went to America that year—to Chicago—for six months.’ He shrugged. ‘I was contacted by the surgical team there and asked if I would be interested in taking part in their exchange programme and I agreed.’
‘When was this?’
‘The beginning of September. I remember stepping out of the airport and wondering if I’d made a mistake because it was pouring with rain!’ He gave a little shudder then looked at her. ‘When did you send your letter?’
‘The end of August, not long after I found out I was pregnant,’ Lowri told him and frowned. ‘But even if my letter didn’t arrive before you left, it should have been waiting for you when you got back.’
‘Oh, I’m sure it would have been if a new concierge hadn’t been hired while I was away. Apparently, a lot of post went missing while he was in charge of the building, most of it containing items of value. Your letter must have been one of the ones he threw away.’
‘Good heavens!’ Lowri exclaimed. ‘That’s awful.’
‘It is. Thankfully, the police investigated following complaints by a number of residents and he was arrested, so he won’t be doing it again. However, it doesn’t make up for the fact that a lot of post went missing, your letter included, apparently.’
‘It would explain it,’ Lowri agreed slowly.
She bit her lip, mulling over what he had told her. For the past few years, she had assumed that he hadn’t replied to her letter because he hadn’t cared enough; however, it appeared that she had been wrong. The thought of having to adjust how she thought about him made her feel very on edge but she had to put it out of her mind for now. Right now she needed to find out what he intended to do and if she was right to think that he might agree to help her.
‘I know that you probably need more time to think about it, but how do you feel about us having another child, Vincenzo? I wouldn’t press you for an answer if it weren’t so urgent.’
‘I don’t know how I feel. That’s the honest answer.’
Vincenzo drew in his breath. Where was his legendary assurance when he needed it? He felt as keyed up as a teenager, his nerves so tightly strung that it was a wonder they didn’t snap. He couldn’t remember ever feeling this way before but, then, he had never been presented with this kind of a situation, had he? If he agreed to her request and they had another child, inevitably there would be consequences. How could he make her pregnant again and walk away? He would be tied to her, tied to the new baby as well as to their daughter, and the idea scared him.
He wasn’t father material. He had no idea how to behave in that role. What if he ended up ruining his children’s lives, albeit unwittingly? Everyone believed him to be cold and uncaring and what if they were right? What if he had buried his emotions so deep and for so long that he could never unearth them? Children needed time and love. And love was something he knew very little about.
Oh, his grandmother had loved him. Nonna had done her best to make up for his father’s lack of interest and she had succeeded to a point too. However, since Nonna had died, Vincenzo knew that he had become more withdrawn, even colder with other people. That was why his marriage had failed. Even though he and Carla had entered into the arrangement with their eyes open, his inability to show any emotion had been one of the reasons why Carla had divorced him.
What if he couldn’t find it in himself to treat his children with the warmth they had a right to expect? What if he was incapable of loving them as they deserved to be loved? He could remember only too well how much he had longed to hear his father speak to him with affection. It had never happened but it hadn’t stopped him hoping that it would. What if he was the same? What if he was emotionally bankrupt too?
Vincenzo felt panic assail him and it was such a rare feeling that it hit him harder than it would have hit most people. He was out of his depth and he had no idea what to do to save himself.
Only this wasn’t about him, was it? It was about a child. A little girl who could die if he refused to help her. His feelings didn’t matter. His fears couldn’t even compare to Lowri’s.
He glanced at Lowri, his heart aching when he saw the lines that strain had etched on her face. She had been living with this nightmare for over a year, living with it and coping too. She must have her own doubts about what she had suggested but she had set them aside. She was prepared to have another baby with him if it meant she could save her daughter and yet here he was worrying about how he might feel and whether or not he would come up to the mark.
Vincenzo was suddenly filled with disgust at his own selfishness. Had he sunk so low that he was prepared to withhold the most precious gift of all, that of saving a life, to avoid having his own life disrupted?
‘I’ll do it.’
His voice sounded harsh in the softness of the summer day. All around them there were insects droning, bees buzzing, nature carrying on in its own gentle way. He saw Lowri turn, saw the question in her eyes, and knew he couldn’t bear to hear her voice it out loud. If she asked him outright then he might just reconsider, allow cowardice to dictate his actions rather than compassion.
‘I agree to us having another baby if there’s a chance it will help Megan,’ he said shortly, wanting to make it perfectly clear with the minimum fuss.
‘I... Thank you.’ Tears glimmered on her lashes and hung there like precious jewels.
Vincenzo turned and stared at the lake, needing to focus on something other than her tears, tears that he longed to wipe away. He couldn’t afford to get emotionally involved. He had to remember that the only reason she was here was for the sake of their daughter. If it weren’t for Megan she would never have contacted him and the thought stung, for some reason.
‘I’m not sure exactly how we set about this. Obviously, there’s the time factor to consider. I did some research and apparently the fresher the sample, the better our chances of it working.’
‘Sample?’ Vincenzo repeated, pushing the thought aside. He saw her blush and frowned. ‘I’m sorry but I’m not sure what you mean.’
‘The sperm sample.’ She took a quick breath. ‘Naturally, you’ll want to wait for the results of the DNA tests before we go ahead—I’ve brought everything you need with me so that won’t be a problem. But we’ll need to make arrangements for the sperm sample to be delivered to me.’
Vincenzo felt as though he had been struck dumb. It had never even crossed his mind that she had come here to ask him for a sample of his sperm! He cleared his throat, afraid that he would say something far too revealing. To let her know just how disappointed he felt that they wouldn’t be sleeping together was out of the question!
‘Of course. There’s an excellent medical courier service we use at the hospital. I can make arrangements with them.’
‘Oh. Right. That sounds ideal.’ She took a package out of her bag and placed it on the table. ‘There are DNA samples in there from Megan and from me as well. You just need to add yours and send it off. It shouldn’t take long to get the results back.’
‘No. The tests are fairly quick