“I … I don’t know.” Her shoulders slumped and she looked at the ground. “I just … I know what it’s like to have a father consider you a burden, and I didn’t want that for him. I thought I could love him enough for both of us.”
The sadness, the pain in her posture stole some of his anger, and he forced himself into a calmer state, to take a mental step back. To try to see it all from her perspective.
He had been adamant that children wouldn’t, couldn’t, fit into his life, ever. He’d learned long ago how dangerous it could be for non-native children in the countries where he worked. Where his parents worked. He couldn’t take that risk.
So when she’d proposed marriage and a family, he’d practically laughed. Now, knowing the real situation, he didn’t want to remember his cold response that had left no room for conversation or compromise.
No wonder she’d left.
She lifted her gaze to his, her eyes moist. “I’m sorry. I should have told you.”
“Yes. You should have told me.” He heaved in a deep breath then slowly expelled it. “But I guess I can understand why you didn’t.”
“So.” She gave him a shadow of her usual sunny smile. “We’re here. You know. He’s still young enough that he won’t think anything of being told you’re his daddy. My contract here is for eight months, so you’ll have a nice amount of time to spend with him.”
Did she honestly think he was going to spend a few months with the boy and leave it completely up to her how—and where—his son was raised?
“Yes, I will. Because I accept your marriage proposal.”
“EXCUSE ME?” DANI asked, sure she must have heard wrong.
“Your marriage proposal. I accept.”
“My marriage proposal?” Astonished, she searched the deep brown of Chase’s eyes for a sign that he was kidding, but the golden flecks in them glinted with determination. “You can’t be serious.”
“I assure you I’ve never been more serious.”
“We haven’t even seen each other for three years!”
“We were good together then. And we have a child who bonds us together now. So I accept your offer of marriage.”
The intensely serious expression on his face subdued the nervous laugh that nearly bubbled from her throat. Chase had always been stubborn and tenacious about anything important to him, and that obviously hadn’t changed. She tried for a joking tone. “I’m pretty sure a marriage proposal has a statute of limitations. Definitely less than three years. The offer no longer stands.”
“Damn it, Dani, I get it that it’s been a long time.” He raked his hand through his hair. “That maybe it seems like a crazy idea. But you have to admit that all of this is crazy. That we have a child together is … crazy.”
“I understand this is a shock, that we have things to figure out.” Three years had passed, but she still clearly remembered how shaken she’d been when she’d realized she was pregnant. Chase obviously felt that way now. Maybe even more, since Andrew was now here in the flesh. “But you must know that marriage is an extreme solution.”
“Hey, it was your idea to begin with, remember? You’ve persuaded me.” A slight smile tilted his mouth. “Besides, it’s not extreme. A child should have two parents. Don’t you care about Andrew’s well-being?”
Now, there was an insulting question. Why did he think she’d left in the first place? “Lots of children are raised by unmarried parents. He’ll know you’re his father. We’ll work out an agreement so you can spend plenty of time with him. But you and I don’t even know each other any more.”
Yet, as she said the words, it felt like a lie. She looked at the familiar planes of his ruggedly handsome face and the years since she’d left Honduras faded away, as though they’d never been apart. As though she should just reach for his hand to stroll to the kitchen, fingers entwined. Put together a meal and eat by candlelight as they so often had, sometimes finishing and sometimes finding themselves teasing and laughing and very distracted from all thoughts of food.
A powerful wave of all those memories swept through her with both pain and longing. Memories of what had felt like endless days of perfection and happiness. Both ridiculous and dangerous, because there was good reason why a relationship between them hadn’t been made for the long haul.
Perhaps he sensed the jumbled confusion of her emotions as his features softened as he spoke, his lips no longer flattened into a hard line. “I’m the same man you proposed to three years ago.”
“Are you?” Apparently his memory of that proposal was different from hers. “Then you’re the same man who didn’t want kids, ever. Who said your life as a mission doctor was not just what you did but who you were, and children didn’t fit into that life. Well, I have a child so you’re obviously not the right husband for me.”
His expression hardened again, his jaw jutting mulishly. “Except your child is my child, which changes things. I’m willing to compromise. To adjust my schedule to be with the two of you in the States part of the year.”
“Well, that’s big of you. Except I have commitments to work outside the States, too.” For a man with amazing empathy for his patients, he could be incredibly dense and self-absorbed. “We should just sit down, look at our schedules for after the eight months I’m here and see if we can often work near enough to one another that you can see Drew when you have time off.”
“I will not have my son living with the kinds of dangers Africa and other places expose him to.”
“You grew up living all over the world and you turned out just fine.” More than fine. From the moment she’d met him she’d known he was different. Compassionate and giving. Funny and irreverent. Book smart and street smart.
The most fascinating man she’d ever known.
The unyielding intensity in his eyes clouded for a moment before he flicked her a look filled with cool determination. “I repeat—my son needs to grow up safe in the States until he’s older. Getting married is the most logical course of action. We figure out how to make our medical careers work with you anchored in the U.S. and me working there part of the year. Then we bring him on missions when he’s an older teen.”
“Well, now you’ve touched on my heart’s desire. A marriage founded on a logical course of action.” She laughed in sheer disbelief and to hide the tiny bruising of hurt she should no longer feel. “You’ve got it all figured out, and you haven’t even spent one minute with him. Or with me. So, I repeat—I’m not marrying you.”
Frustration and anger narrowed his gaze before he turned and strode a short distance away to stare at the dark outline of the horizon, fisting his hands at his hips, his broad shoulders stiff. In spite of the tension simmering between them, she found herself riveted by the sight of his tall, strong body silhouetted in the twilight. The body she’d always thought looked like it should belong to a star athlete, not a doctor.
She tried to shake off the vivid memories that bombarded her, including how much she’d loved touching all those hard muscles covered in smooth skin. All the memories of how crazy she’d been about him, period. Three light-hearted years ago the differences they now faced hadn’t existed. Serious differences in how Andrew should be raised, and she still had no proof that Chase wouldn’t be as resentful in his reluctant role as father as her own parent had been.
Now that Chase would be involved in Andrew’s life, she had to make sure her son never felt the barbed sting of being unwanted.
Tearing her gaze from his stiff and motionless form,