“Fine, then. Just go.” She spoke to the empty room. Giving in to the pain, she let the sobs take her over.
COLIN PARKED his truck at the side of the road in Old Port, regret gnawing at his gut. If he’d known what she had on her mind he never would have shown up tonight. He’d hurt her, he knew, but she needed to hear the truth before they got caught up in something that wasn’t healthy for either of them. He should feel as if he’d done the right thing—so why didn’t he?
The streets were quiet, though some folks enjoyed a walk along the old cobblestone streets in the warming spring air. He stopped by a sidewalk bridge between two buildings that overlooked Casco Bay and stared out into the darkness. When Derek had died, he’d gone through the predictable stages of grief—anger at his brother for leaving him alone. And guilt. The horrible frustration and guilt he felt while he watched his parents suffer. No matter what he did, he couldn’t make it better.
He couldn’t make it better for Miranda, either, then or now. She’d left Portland after Derek’s death, and maybe some of those old ghosts were things she still had to work through now that she was home again, but he wasn’t going to be part of that. He had to be the one who stayed in control. When she thought things through, she would be glad he had walked away. Even though it was the last thing he’d wanted to do. It would have been so easy to give in, to sink into the willing flesh of her body, have all his fantasies become reality. But what was easy wasn’t always right.
“Dammit, Miranda.”
He pushed back from the rail and began walking to the car, his mind numb and his body still on fire. He needed a cold shower and some sleep. Maybe he’d wait a few days and then try to talk to her. He only made it a few steps when he heard a funny little squeaking sound and someone yelling. Suddenly, he saw two men on bikes barreling down on him, waving their hands frantically for Colin to get out of the way. They hit their brakes, and he watched their bikes wobble, but it was too late.
He moved to avoid them, but one biker unfortunately moved in the same direction he did. The impact was hard and sudden; he felt the sharp jab of the bike’s handles into his gut and then the heavy thud of a body as the man flew over the handles of the bike, crashing into him. Colin was pushed backward, flipping over the rail. Strangely, through the surge of pain and movement, he thought how odd it felt to be so completely out of control of his body for the second time that evening, tossed about as if he were weightless.
He grabbed desperately for the rail but only grasped darkness. The next sensation he felt was intense, bone-biting cold—and pain. He hit something hard, and it hurt. He saw Miranda’s face in his mind’s eye just as everything faded to black.
3
“I WANT TO SPEAK to Dr. Monroe, Travis Monroe. I want to see him now!” Miranda was nearly hysterical with fear, and was willing to walk directly over the emergency nurse and into the intensive care unit if she had to.
They had Colin. Travis had called her, and she had somehow made it to the hospital through her panic and tears. She had to see him, see that he was alive, before she would listen to anyone. She had to see for herself. God, it was all happening again. First with Derek, and now Colin. If they lost him how could she live with herself? Obviously he had been upset when he left. This was all her fault.
The nurse put gentle but firm hands on her shoulders, and Miranda braced herself to break way when she was distracted by footsteps running up behind her. Just at that moment, Travis turned a corner out into the hallway, his expression grave. She started to call to him but saw Colin’s mother dash past her, and over to Travis. Miranda broke away and quickly followed behind Colin’s dad and Penny.
The scene was sheer chaos. Travis put his hands up to stop the flow of questions that suddenly flooded the hall and herded them back toward the waiting room. Miranda looked at Joyce, Colin’s mom, and felt ashamed of her own lack of control. Joyce must be reliving the nightmare of losing Derek right now and that was much worse than her own panic. The older woman was drawn and pale and clearly needed to sit down. Miranda swallowed her fear and dropped back, trailing the group as they entered a small room.
Travis started to speak.
“First things first—you should all relax. Colin’s okay. We’re watching him carefully right now. He was mildly hypothermic and took a nasty bump, but his vitals are good and he didn’t sustain any serious internal injuries or broken bones, which is amazing in and of itself.”
Miranda felt relief well in her heart and tears filled her eyes. She glanced over in surprise when she felt a strong hand squeeze hers, and realized Colin’s dad, Ed, was holding her hand, his own face tense with worry. She nodded reassuringly at him, squeezing his hand back as Travis continued speaking.
“There is one thing, though. You need to know before you see him.”
“What? What is it?” Miranda spoke for the first time, and Travis’s eyes locked on hers.
“Well, this isn’t unusual with a serious fall, and it will likely clear itself up quickly, but—”
“Just spit it out, Travis!” Penny interrupted impatiently, and Travis slid her a look that made Miranda wince.
“He isn’t remembering everything at the moment. He knows he was in the water, but he doesn’t remember how he got there, how he was rescued, or the events leading up to the fall.” He surveyed their faces, gauging their reactions before he continued. “There could be other random memory loss, but we have to wait and see. Sometimes people will permanently lose their recollections of the events immediately prior to a traumatic experience and other times it comes back in stages. It’s confusing for him right now, so just go with it.”
Joyce’s voice quavered. “Will he know us?”
Travis squeezed her shoulder kindly. “I’m pretty sure he will. At least from what we could tell, it seems he’s lost a chunk of time, but not his memories of people. Especially those he’s closest to. Besides, who could forget your cooking?”
Miranda admired Travis’s professionalism, as well as his kindness. She had never seen him in his doctor role before and was very impressed. He was like an entirely different person. It was hard to believe this was the same carrot-topped, practical-joke-loving Travis they had all grown up with.
“We have to wait until he is fully awake and aware until we know the extent of his memory loss. And he may have some short-term memory problems in the coming days or weeks. That’s not unusual with amnesia, so don’t worry if he can’t remember a phone number, or something like that.”
They nodded. Ed guided Joyce over to a couch to sit down, leaving Travis, Penny and Miranda together.
Penny spoke, her wry voice cutting through the tension. “Travis, are you sure? Remember you told me my toe needed to be cut off when I stubbed it?” She reached over and flipped the end of Travis’s tie.
Travis’s expression was pained as he closed his eyes and shook his head. Leave it to Penny.
“I was twelve then, Pen.”
“Yeah, but still, you were way wrong.”
Miranda had to smile and wink at Penny. A little humor never hurt.
“When can we see him, Travis?”
“You can all go in to see him, one at a time, to put your minds at rest…but just for a minute. He needs to sleep this off. He’s pretty heavily sedated, too, so don’t expect much. Tomorrow he will be better.”
They nodded and proceeded to walk single file down the hallway behind Travis. Miranda caught up with Travis, relieved she could finally speak to him alone.
“You said he was in a bicycle accident. Was anyone else hurt?”
Travis stood by the emergency-room door, stepping to the side while Joyce went in to see Colin.
“The