Even Spence. Lucy felt her heart give a little flip-flop again. She tried to tell herself it was only because she was curious about the man. Only curious. But she wasn’t quite convinced that was the whole truth—at least not anymore.
The moment he caught the delighted grin on Katherine’s face, Spence knew he was in trouble. “Was it Marin or Rebecca?” he demanded over the top of the grocery bag.
“Both, actually.” Katherine’s beautiful glow wasn’t only because she was eight months pregnant but because she thought her great plan might actually be possible. “Remember last year when Lucy first joined my reader’s group, I tried to fix the two of you up?”
“How could I forget?” Lucy was the last woman he wanted to talk about. “Don’t get carried away. She needed a ride. I gave her one. She needed a place to stay. I found her one.”
“Awfully Prince Charming of you to come to her rescue.” Katherine pointed the remote at the television and clicked it off. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to tease you. I’m just so happy. Good things happen to good people, and you’re a good man, Spence. You deserve someone nice.”
He winced. He didn’t know if Lucy was nice enough. He suspected he didn’t even want to know the answer to that. He did know that he had to find everything wrong with her, every flaw, every fault so he could keep his shields ready, active and in place. Spending time with her had proved to him how necessary that was. “Do you know what I deserve? A quiet night to myself without all these errands I have to do for other people. For once I would like to be able to leave work and not have to rescue someone who got her car plowed under along the street and can’t get home.”
“Oh, no. Lucy did that? Well, she’s from Oregon. It rains most of the winter there. She probably doesn’t know.”
“Now she does.” He glowered, hoping he conveyed that he thought Lucy Chapin was nothing but trouble, which she was. Absolutely. “Is Hayden upstairs?”
“Studying for a chemistry test.”
“I brought her some of that tea she likes and those chips. Good study food.” He strode off to the kitchen, leaving his sister before she could get more information out of him. He was sorry she was put on bed rest, as ordered by her doctor, but there was a bright side to it. At least she couldn’t come trailing after him demanding to talk more about Lucy.
Lucy. Just thinking of her made confusing emotions tangle up in his chest. She was like looking at an impossible crossword puzzle. She was like looking folly in the face. No, it was worse than that, he decided as he set the bags on the kitchen counter and started putting stuff away.
If she got close enough, Lucy could strip away his tough demeanor and matching scowl, which gave him comfort and a sense of safety. He remembered how she’d made his defenses buckle. How she seemed to see too much of him when they were talking. How his eyes involuntarily followed her whenever she was near.
Not to mention the panic. Lucy Chapin was his worst nightmare. If he let himself, he would really like her. If he let himself feel those emotions knotted up in his chest, he might discover that he could more than like her.
Danger. That’s why his heart was beating like a war drum against his chest. That’s why his palms were damp and his brain was a little scrambled. He wasn’t about to let anyone get that close—not on his life.
He emptied the rest of the perishables into the refrigerator and folded up the bags. He knew Katherine was waiting for him because the television was still off. Since he had to walk through the front of the house to get to his truck, he had to face her. His motto had always been that a good defense was a stunning offense. Distraction, that was the key.
“Hey, Katherine,” he said, even before he could see her. “Have you heard from Jack?”
“Not since he went out. He said he might be late. There was a bad wreck on the highway with a tractor trailer rig, so that might tie him up until late.”
“I’m worried about you.” Which was the truth, absolutely the truth. “I know Hayden’s here, but what if the lights go out?”
“I’ve got a flashlight on my end table and a book to read when my movie is done.” She seemed wise to his ways and bursting with another question.
He had to keep talking and fast. One thing a man learned with so many sisters was how to head them off. “I’ll be just a call away. The roads will still be a mess tomorrow, so I’ll go out to pick up Gran early. We’ll probably be here around ten.”
“Sure, all of that is fine, Spence.” Katherine’s eyes were laughing at him. “You sure are trying hard to keep me from asking you about Lucy again. If it’s too hard for you, I won’t. I promise. I won’t say another word.”
“Thank you.” Relief left him dizzy. “I just helped her out. I know you’re happily married to Jack. I’m glad for you. But you’ve got to understand. Marriage isn’t for everyone.”
“So you keep telling me.” It was concern that marked her pretty face. She was just about the only one he let fuss over him, and he recognized the look.
He stared down at his snowy boots. He didn’t want her to see how much this was costing him. Nothing could hurt like family, he’d told Lucy, but it was so much more than that. He’d lost the ability to trust. To believe in another person. To really believe enough to stake everything on someone else. He was grateful his sisters had found good men they could trust, even love.
But he didn’t believe in it. Love faded. Love ended.
Love could tear a man’s heart out. He’d seen it happen to his father. Spence zipped up his coat all the way and faced the door. He braced himself because he knew Katherine’s question was still coming and it would hit him like a falling brick.
“You like Lucy, don’t you?” Her question was soft with kindness and gentle with understanding, but that didn’t stop it from being too personal.
Too touchy-feely. Too tied up in emotions. Life was better when you stayed in the concrete world. In black and white. Did he like Lucy? That was a question he couldn’t answer. Because he would have to look at his tangled-up feelings. Because he would have to admit that his well-guarded heart wasn’t defended enough.
How could he not like Lucy? She was pretty and kind and lovely. When she smiled, it was like the sun coming out on a cloudy day. Like snow on Christmas morning.
“I don’t dislike her too much,” he said instead, saying what he wanted to be true. What he had to make true. “You know I’m better off alone.”
“I know you believe that, but—” Pity for him filled her eyes.
Pity. He hated it. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“I want good things for you, Spence. You work so hard for all of us. You are such a good man.”
“If you go on about how I deserve good things, I’m not going to grocery shop for you again.” It was an empty threat, and they both knew it.
She smiled. “Love isn’t a bad thing, Spence. Look how it has changed my life. I’m happier than I ever imagined being with Jack as my husband and Hayden as my daughter. And this baby on the way.” She rubbed her round stomach, lovingly. “You don’t want to be alone forever, do you? Don’t you want to be a father?”
“No.” To be a father would mean he would need a wife, and he’d vowed never to marry. Who could he ever trust that much? There probably wasn’t a woman on the face of this earth that he could believe in. At least, he was pretty sure he would never find one.
“Fine.” Katherine wasn’t easily defeated. “Then let me tell you a little about Lucy. She didn’t have a close family growing up. Her mother hardly talks to her since she became a Christian.”